Posts by Secret Someone

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UKHippy is a long running online community and of likeminded people exploring all interpretations on what it means to be living an alternative lifestyle -- we welcome discussions on everything related to sustainability, the environment, alternative spirituality, music, festivals, politics and more -- membership of this website is free but supported by the community.

    Kid screaming cos Mum said he can't have something.........Mum says 'Well if your going to scream like that ok then'............and goes back to get it for him :eek::wall:

    This but with dogs. I believe in training using positive reinforcement, and if the dog is pestering for something he shouldn't have, giving in to him is only going to teach him that it works. Ignore him for a few minutes and he'll realise it's not working and can be rewarded for settling down. Grr.

    DaisyDreamer... I could quite easily have written that post. I'm up for being motivation buddies if you need or want some encouragement. It's also nice to share the good bits... Sometimes I find joy and happiness in things that I didn't expect to, when I start truly taking care of myself.

    Noctula... It sounds like you're doing what I need to do. :p Has it changed anything significantly that you weren't expecting?

    Tonight I am thinking about growth and moving forward. I want it and to. :)

    I am getting better at this!

    I used to, and still do sometimes, do things for people that I either really didn't want to do or wasn't well enough to be doing. I assumed that I was there to be of use to others. I couldn't comfort myself, wouldn't treat myself to anything and certainly wouldn't be seen or heard asking for help.

    A year of dialectal behavioural therapy later...

    Firstly, I realised that the fact I couldn't comfort myself and didn't feel like I could make decisions for myself actually meant I put a lot of pressure on other people. In fact, I'm pretty sure this (which hasn't completely fixed) is a big part of the relationship break up I'm going through at the moment. Because I couldn't and/or wouldn't do anything nice for myself, I kind of unintentionally relied on other people to do it for me. I didn't do it knowingly... It's looking back that makes me realise that in trying to be selfless (and not taking good enough care of myself) meant that the people closest to me were under a lot of pressure, and actually... I was quite demanding. I think sometimes 'I don't feel I deserve this' would end up being 'you should do this for me'. My worth was defined by other people, and that meant that they in turn had to make a lot of effort if they were sad about me not having any. I don't know if that makes sense.

    What I have figured out is that for me to function to the best of my ability, I need to be able to rely on myself. I need to be able to comfort myself, ask for help (there is a difference between asking and passively making a demand, which I sometimes did) and treat myself as I would another person. First I had to learn how. It took a while of experimenting to figure out what I could do to comfort myself. I tried the options out when I wasn't stressed so that it wasn't too hard. I spoke to the people I'm close to about how they feel I respond to things, and even that dialogue made life easier for me and them. From this I started to find ways to comfort myself. A short list: Baths with oils or other smelly things, dipping fruit in honey, hot drinks, reading my favourite poems, listening to particular music, doodling and sometimes just letting myself be still and quiet. They sound like simple things, but it took months for me to realise that I even could comfort myself.

    Now, every day, I take some time out for me. I use comfort as a prevention as well as a tool for when I'm distressed. It doesn't always work (at the moment I'm really struggling to use these techniques) but I can cope with many more things because of it, and the people around me have told me they feel less stressed out now that I'm taking on that role. :)

    Yeah... I was just trying to point out a(nother) downside to poisoning them. If they die where you can't get to them the smell is awful.

    We had rats in our old place, but when we talked to the letting agents we ended up having to get people in who would use poison. They had particular people contracted for dealing with such things. It wasn't pleasant... Especially because you have no control over where they die, and you can't always get them out. We had a horrible smell while waiting for them to decompose as they were not in an area that we could get to.

    If they hadn't been potentially dangerous I probably would have just left them there. They're far more shy than mice, though, so we only saw them twice.

    Well... if we're doing soppy...

    I don't know you well, and have only spoken to you a handful of times, but somehow you have managed to teach me an awful lot that has changed my life for the better. So thank you. <3

    Just posting to say... I bought two mini relaxing bath sets a while ago, and due to me a) being naughty, b) being ill and miserable and c) finding out one person I bought one for doesn't like rose scented things, I might have ended up using one instead of giving it away. It was amazing. I moaned pretty much throughout the entire bath. :p I'm being good and giving the other away, though!

    Force-feeding doesn't help psychologically. I still get flashbacks from it at times. The only way in which it is useful is if vital organs are likely to be damaged or there's an immediate risk of death. Most people with eating disorders don't want to die, but due to the illness simply cannot eat, even if they know the risk is there.

    I haven't known anyone that young who has been anorexic, but I was at that age, and younger. I wasn't ill enough for hospitalisation until I was nearly in my teens, and by that point force-feeding was necessary because without it I wouldn't have lived for very much longer. I think one thing that I always needed from people around me and never got was the understanding that there was a reason for it. The whole not eating thing was s dramatic that nobody thought to ask me why or to really consider what had made me do that and cut myself at such a young age. It took until I was 17 for me to tell anyone why.

    Force feeding is a horrific thing to go through. My trigger had been being raped, and to then have a tube and food forced inside me was extremely traumatic and very triggering. It also was painful and made me sick. I'm 21 now though, and although I never thought I would say it... I'm glad they kept me alive. There was no way I would have accepted food. Force-feeding was the only way at that point.

    Now, someone should have helped me before it got that desperate. Unfortunately, nobody thought to ask or check or consider what might be going on. It was like starving myself was the main thing and problem, when actually the abuse I was suffering was the problem fuelling the anorexia.

    I don't know if any of that is useful. I think that the best thing someone could have done for me would have been to understand that there was more, and that getting angry or giving up wasn't going to help. I needed love, support, sometimes distraction (force feeding can be very traumatic, and I certainly had times where I needed a break, whether that was watching a film with someone or playing a board game) and someone who would listen to me, whether about books, the experience of treatment or more in-depth stuff. Gentleness is the key, I think.

    Edited to add that pressuring her to talk is about as helpful as not asking. Being there for her to talk to about all sorts of things, some mundane, builds trust up far quicker than encouraging her to talk about just what's happening now.

    Starpoi... There was a time when you were not a crazy cat lady?! ;)

    I think we'll probably be okay. It's got to wait a little while until we're better off financially. I worry about these things at crazy hours in the night. :o The only problem I can think of at the moment is whether or not the landlord would let us put a cat flap in. :S

    Sophie and I are considering adopting a cat soon. We both adore them and think that we could provide a home for one or two who are (or will end up) in shelters. Pan (the dog) is fine with them.. He follows them around but doesn't tend to chase them.

    I worked with the Cats Protection League a few years ago, so I'm up to date with vet procedures, food and stuff. I did a lot of trauma care... I was often nominated for getting cats and kittens used to a human presence. It was hard work, and would take absolutely ages from being able to sit outside the door to just inside and so forth. It was worth it, though.

    I have never had a cat of my own, however. There's a part of me that worries about this and whether or not I would struggle. I have researched feeding (plus the amount of time I used to feed the cats at work) and general cat care, but I'm still worried. I have had friends who have terrified my dog because they've only ever lived with cats and have treated her (Lucy, not Pan) like they would them. I like to think I know the difference between a cat and dog more than that, but I think I'm worried about reading their body language. I don't know what it's like to really live with a cat.

    I'm slightly high on medication, so I'm babbling a bit... But does that make any sense?

    I can sympathise. I've had it chronically for a very long time now. I've tried many different antibiotics, prescription and non prescription drugs like sudafed, and now I'm left with just dosing up on drugs. The doctor I saw last said they might have to operate to drain them and see if there's anything in there that might account for why the infection won't go. It sucks.

    Rape is prevalent in the animal kingdom. Being "natural" is no moral justification for something.

    Oh, and it's not "natural" for humans to eat meat. It's "natural" for us to eat small quantities of raw meat - predominately fish. Just to be pedantic, like. ;)

    Woah. Trigger warning on that post would've been nice.

    No, it being natural is not an ethical justification. But it has changed my mind from 'meat eaters are heartless and don't deserve respect' to 'I kind of get it'.

    And a mostly meat diet is completely unhealthy. I don't understand how or why some people feel the need to put it in every single meal. I wouldn't dream of eating it every day, let alone every meal.

    But this is completely off-topic.

    On topic, I thought myself as more respectable when I was veggie/vegan... The loss of that in my identity has been hard to deal with.

    I used to. I'd been vegetarian my entire life until I was 17 and then I was vegan until I was 19 or 20. What changed it... I got to know a lot of vegans who, despite having compassion for other animals, had very little compassion towards their own species. It was really disturbing to see how much understanding they lacked about anybody who didn't fit in with their lifestyle. At 20, I ate meat for the first time ever. Mainly because I'd been telling my doctors for 10 years that it wouldn't improve my iron levels. After being in and out of hospital and nagged more I decided to try. Previously to this I believed meat eaters were heartless, so this wasn't particularly easy...

    I'm going off topic...

    Now I realise that it is perfectly normal and natural for omnivores to eat meat. I can't hold less respect for people doing what any other omnivorous animal would do. I have a massive problem with the meat industry though, and decided from the start that I would never buy meat from a supermarket and would only eat something if I could trace it back to the farm.

    I do find it hard to listen to vegetarians who are really righteous (in your face type vegetarians, I mean) about not eating meat who then eat dairy. If I was to change my eating habits for ethical reasons again, I'd cut dairy first. In my opinion it's far more cruel than meat. Years of torture before death.

    Anyway, yes. I try very hard to not judge a person by what they eat. Only if someone is throwing their choices at me really hard do I start struggling.