Posts by Tordisa

    He cant possibly have as valid a view as a woman on what its like to be a woman

    Obvs, exactly as I can't possibly, for example, have as valid a view as a woman of colour on what its like to be a woman of colour. This is a really important point; nowhere are you saying "men can't have an opinion" - that it's necessary to point this out is a reason why we still need feminism. Even though "Do we still need feminism?" wasn't even the OP.

    Both pieces in those links I dropped are written by men.

    You should see what I dont post on here.

    I really wish I could M. :waves:

    Seriously? Two women share a tale about idiotic perceptions of pregnancy and two blokes have to jump in to try and silence them? Pregnancy *isnt* an illness its bigger than an illness because its a whole other human being living inside of a womans body and taking the lions share of her nutrition,energy and bladder space,for months and months and months. And shes not allowed to comment about being tired? Because her foreign sistas have it worse and she chose to get knocked up anyway? Yeah,feminism is so not needed anymore right :rolleyes:

    Rebecca Watson of Skepchick complained about sexism in the skeptic community. Richard Dawkins wrote a facile, sarcastic letter titled "Dear Muslima" attempting to highlight how "easy" the likes of Watson have it compared to sisters in far more restrictive situations further afield. For a rationalist, you'd think he'd know not to use the straw man of "this is worse therefore what's your problem?" :rolleyes: Like any woman who says "don't do that" - re: being hit by a total stranger in a confined space after giving a long talk about how sexism is a problem - is just a privileged brat because you know, burkas.

    I do find that most of the time I share my experiences whever it be tiredness in pregnancy, or my fear of birth trauma or of domestic violence or rape I have my experiences invalidated, normally by a man as I am "being overly emotional" or if I am really upset "a crazy women" and its incredibly frustrating and on a bigger scale damaging to both me and to other women. My experiences are real, are my truth and are valid.

    "You're over-sensitive"
    "You're being hysterical" (classic pejorative gender-based insult)
    "I think you might be imagining it"
    "You're deluded"
    "That's just all in your head"
    "You're overreacting"
    "Are you on your period?"

    It's not always deliberate. It's a symptom of patriarchal conditioning. My mum - who had this done to her throughout her decades-long marriage - was one of the worst offenders, it was the only way she knew how to argue with another woman, sadly.

    Good piece on gaslighting here:

    Mixed feelings on this. First of all, yeah, it's shit that people don't even seem to even think, let alone care, about stuff that's going on in the world (though we should remember we can't read people's minds), and it's crap that people say simplistic shit like, "Six of one, half a dozen of the other". :rolleyes:

    BUT I've seen some stuff being passed around the net in the last few hours alone that's just unnecessarily gruesome and arguably disrespectful to the victims. Some people seem to think that having a stronger stomach somehow means they care MOAR. That others might (understandably) find such images distressing doesn't automatically mean they don't care about the circumstances that led to those images.

    I always fancied "rockers"when I was younger :o "Smellies" and "trogs" they used to get called. I loved the music too, even though looking back some of it was really cheesy! Girls at school were mostly into Wham and Duran Duran. Still love a bit of rock and metal, I've just got a lot broader taste in music nowadays than I used to.

    Did anyone else used to listen to the Friday Rock Show with Tommy Vance? :rock:

    It was on Sickipedia - there's a big difference between posting something offensive on there, and actually targeting people with offensive shit, surely? I mean, what's the likelihood of someone who's going through a personal tragedy involving a child *actively looking for things to upset them* such as Sickipedia? I mean, fuck, what the authorities have actually done is draw attention to this shit, so surely more people will have been unnecessarily offended. :insane:

    It's like the facebook pages or causes that only exist to try and get other pages closed down for having an offensive premise (eg, wishing soldiers, babies, disabled people etc, dead). Seriously, what's the point of linking to those pages just so that people who might be upset by them *really will get upset by them*? It's nuts. I'm not saying it ain't tasteless but it's usually tongue in cheek anyway. Better to ignore it surely. :S

    If vulnerable people are being targeted with seriously nasty shit however, whether in real life or online, that's obviously harassment. I just can't believe that the above "sick joke" scenarios are being treated as if they're the same thing.

    Lets hope there is something as good as an institution as the british pub for the next generations to get wankered in find mates discuss politics bands life and most importantly find love or just company when your old etc etc, cant finsih this statement oh ramble ramble nostalga fred dibnah steam etc etc.


    Not going to watch that video, sounds too awful. She shouldn't have done that.

    He's still not been charged with anything. He's been arrested on suspicion. The police'll have to charge him or release him by 5PM, or get the courts to give them more time.

    Surely he must be tired, I can't see he'll be getting much sleep, and so many questions. We can only hope there'll be a breakthrough soon. Then it's in the hands of the legal system. My thoughts are very much with the little girl's nearest and dearest. It's heart-rending even to just imagine what they must be going through :( The people of Machynlleth have been amazing, and I hope that can be of some small comfort to April's family.

    My mum had a "green" burial this year with a low-impact coffin, surrounded by trees and nature; I think there'll be no headstone either.

    When my dad died, he'd left no instructions or wishes, which I think was really selfish. He'd always said stuff like, "just throw me on the rubbish tip". My mum didn't know what to do really. :(

    I'm going to make my partner my next of kin in the next few weeks; my kids are still under 18 and I'd hate people who know little of my likes and dislikes, and with whom I don't have a great relationship, to be in charge if I died or became incapacitated. Horror! I know he'd make sure my kids had a big say in things too. I definitely want a low impact coffin, and to be buried where I now live (please don't mention details on here if you know where that is) which is a HUGE weight off my mind. Don't know if it sounds silly, but before I moved it used to play on my mind about where I'd get buried if anything happened to me. :S

    I don't want to be cremated as so many people have said they disliked attending cremations, as well as it having larger environmental impact (I think; please correct me if I'm wrong!) and it's nice to think that my kids or anyone else who wanted to would have somewhere to "visit" if they believed in that sort of thing.

    Aw yeah, the drinking's just gonna make things worse if he's already depressed. You need to be brutally honest with yourself about why you're with him and whether you have a future together - are you helping him or are you "enabling" him to carry on drinking and not facing up to helping himself? Is he someone you want to be with and honestly see a future with, or are you worried what he'd do if you leave? Is he a terrific person when he's well or is he just on self-destruct and looking for someone to blame? If he's a great guy and you love him, are you prepared to stick with him through thick and thin? These are things you need to be asking yourself.

    If you do decide to leave, is there someone you can get in touch with to make sure he has support,eg a family member, friends or his CPN or support worker?

    If he is suicidal he should have a contact for the mental health emergency team.
    For Cornwall there's some info here: 
    There's also MIND, which is a mental health charity: 
    and the Samaritans who are available 24/7 by phone or email:

    In any case, you need to look after yourself as well. Nobody except you can decide whether to continue the relationship, or whether you can help him, but whatever you decide to do, you mustn't let him drag you down. Remember to focus on the things *you* enjoy in life too.

    Sounds exhausting! Is he getting any help at all? If not, I don't know if you can realistically help him. Does he admit he has a problem most of the time, or does this come out of the blue every few weeks?

    Noooo! I'm the same as Paul in that respect - in fact it would seem like incest! :panic: There'd have to have been something bubbling under the surface all along :flirt: for me to even think about it! I've been caught off guard as well as saddened when I thought I had a good strong friendship with someone and then they've dropped the "wanting more" bombshell :S Kind of sad and guilty and "how did I not see it coming" all rolled into one, as well as the prospect of losing a good friend. If you fancy someone, I don't get how you could hide it for months or years whilst they think you're just friends. I suppose, maybe if both parties where in long-term relationships and it hadn't been an option before, but otherwise... why not just come out with it! :reddevil: