Posts by pikey

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UKHippy is a long running online community and of likeminded people exploring all interpretations on what it means to be living an alternative lifestyle -- we welcome discussions on everything related to sustainability, the environment, alternative spirituality, music, festivals, politics and more -- membership of this website is free but supported by the community.

    The law here in the UK with regard to parental access is that the non-custodial parent does not have a legal right to contact, it is about the wishes of a child and their right to contact with their parent. The thing is that you may need to be prepared for her to keep on asking for contact and as she gets older to pursue it harder because she will be building up a fantasy-dad in her mind. You need to be honest with her, tell her that he had problems and got angry and would take that anger out on others, and that at the moment it may be better for her to wait until she is a bit older before she tries to find him because you don't know if he has changed or dealt with his problems. Womens Aid site has a some good advice about how to deal with domestic abuse and explaining it to a child. This won't go away and maybe when she is older she needs to do what she has to do, that is trace her dad, and get let down by him to end the fantasy-dad in her mind.



    Funny ive just read your post because this morning i had that exact chat with my daughter... She already has the "fantasy dad" going on and today i told her a few truths about her dad we had a few tears but only for a short time. I've always kept what her dad did to us away from from her but today told her a few things that he did. I felt i had to to try and break this fantasy dad thing abit.. i also told her she is to young to make some choices re him but i will help her when shes older. I feel better for making that step and putting my foot down.. she uses the whole dad thing as an emotional tool and it really upsets us all.

    THANK YOU all for your advice!!!!


    Partner and i had a long discussion last night and have decided that no contact at this point in time is the right way forward. And i am contacting the school nurse re counselling... We think that because my partner fought long and hard to get contact with his kiddies that my daughter kinda feels "why cant my dad do that" or maybe feels like shes missing out.. shes not missing out and my partners family have accepted my daughter as their own if anything they make more of a fuss of her than anyone else. she isnt lacking in the love and attention thing.


    Once again thanx folks.. some times u just gotta hear it from people who arent emotionally involved... xxxx


    thanks for the feedback guys... I had a very a crap relationship with my dad also .. he didnt bother with us and when he did it was because he was fighting with my mum.. my sisters an i got caught up in a very messy divorce and i grew up not seeing my dad but missing him (met him when i was 25).. it actually really f**ked my head right up which is why i feel so torn on what to do for my daughter. I totally hear what your all saying. My partner is going to adopt her and when i told her she was over the moon but then this evening again she started all the moody silences and when i ask her whats up i get the shoulder and her saying nothing then when i finally get something out of her its "i want to see my dad".. maybe shes using this as a control thing.. shes VERY controlling and her behavior is getting me down. Shes SO defiant, we have 7 kiddies between us and non of them are as defiant as her.. maybe its hormones lol. grrrrr


    There is no family that i know of to contact.... i tried to contact his mum then found out she died 5 yrs ago his father lives in america with his brothers and i know that he has nothing to do with his family (non of them get on with him, he really is a nasty person) He abused my eldest daughter (physically) he abused me and i know he'll let my daughter down. argghhhhhhhhh this is driving me nuts..


    Thanx again for your advice. xx

    my partner an i BOTH agree with you guys, I also understand there isnt an emotional tye exactly because they have never met really but i understand her wanting to know who he is... My daughters behavior has got pretty bad and shes being pretty mean to her siblings which we also feel is built up anger, shes also hitting puberty b4 her older siblings which cant be helping... Maybe her speaking to a counsellor will help? ?


    thank you x

    bit of advice needed please...


    basically my daughters father was violent and was removed by the police from our home when i was 4 months preggy and then continued to harass me for months.. until harassment order was in place... I had the baby and he met her at 6 weeks old (supervised visit) a couple of weeks into the visiting he told us he didnt want to see her anymore. My partner now has basically bought our daughter up as his own (our daughter has always known that my partner is not her natural father) We've been honest from day one. I knew this day would come and it has... she wants to meet her natural father.. we have had negative behavior from her for some time now an i kinda guessed it was this and tonight she got VERY emotional and just blurted it out.. she sees us as one happy family and there is one that isnt happy... i thought she meant herself she cried and said her dad... I'm gutted for her and do believe she has the right to see him im just so scared.. i know he'll let her down.. (he has 3 other kids now from different women) he doesnt see any of his kids.. im in contact with one of the mothers and she said her daughter felt like mine and met him he thought he was getting back in with the mother so when that didnt happen he rejected their daughter again..... Can anyone offer any advice??? this is a hard subject and like i said i'm willing to facilitate this but maybe go through Social services and through a contact center. I feel so guilty about my daughters sadness... :(

    i sadly have a camper pass for sale at face value ono. Our van has died and not fixable so now we have to camp :( .... i have it advertised in the bazaar forum :) feel free to contact me. x



    SOLD ticket !!!

    i sadly have a camper pass for sale at face value ono. Our van has died and not fixable so now we have to camp :( .... i have it advertised in the bazaar forum :) feel free to contact me. x

    ahhh no not good.... i had a Jane powertwin for the twinnies and never had a prob.. was great over fields tow-paths beach etc.. and i have a Phil & teds now and LOVE it... never had probs with either.. suspension was better on the Jane pushchair tho :) xx

    how long did it take for ur bnoobs to shrink again while feeding Princesstigermouse?? i was told this could happen.. Maisy is 6 weeks now and my boobs are STILL 38 EE and pre pregnancy im an A-B cup....

    I have been told u can hire the pools from the hospital for nothing... u do have to collect the pool from the last lady and collect a new liner from the hospital.... so u dont have to pay out huge prises for hire.. fab ay

    Awwwwwwwwwwwww ......im just about to enter my 21st week and ive been feeling this bebe since i was 15 weeks - this will be my 5th child and i dont remember any of the girls EVER moving this much and using my bits as some kind of spring board lol...... it already wakes me up at nite teeheheheheheeee,... xxxx

    Had scan y'day all went well... baby was VERY active lol to say the least... Lady said just as well i didnt want any downs screening coz bebe wouldnt keep still long enuff to check back of the neck lol... this is my 5th child and ive never seen anything so hyper LOL...... very reasuring. xx

    WELL did the test last thursday and it was all confirmed i am 5+3 preggy:D this will be baby No 5 we'll have 7 altogether:eek:

    I'm a little :eek: coz my twins are only 22months - but we are both very happy!!!

    So there u have it thats my new news!!!!


    xxx

    Morning chaps
    How will it work if the Ex is a VERY unreliable payer??? the chances are if he pays me direct then it just wont happen... In fact he doesnt keep up with his payments to the CSA so i have no hope gettin maintenance off him... if i tell the income support folk they will deduct money off my income support depending on how much he pays - thing is if they do this chances are i'll have no money... DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?? lol

    ooooo lovely lots of ideas... THANX... i think its gonna be lots of arty stuff....

    CRB - i totally understand the need for them - this organisation is run by this couple who we know and basically everyone who was there knew each other one way or another... (only 250 peeps)... I'll have to have a word with organisers about this one me thinks...

    Cheers for the great ideas tho..
    xx