Posts by Ms. Vee

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    Meh. The more people moan about the Olympics/jubilee the more I look forward to them. I dunno... I understand all the 'anti' sentiment and everything, but I'm bored of being angry about everything. There's more important things to fight against, I think. It's making some people happy - is that such an awful thing?

    When Catholic priests abuse children nobody brings the colour of their skin into it. Nobody even brings their often Irish nationality into it. That's because it comes about due to a culture of 'issues' (to put it mildly) regarding sexuality and gender. Repression breeds abuse, quite obviously. It's nothing to do with ethnicity.

    It's about culture, not race - and there's a big difference between the two. There are plenty of cultures within white British society that exploit people too.

    It's time for me to part with some pretties that I know I'll never wear again...

    All dresses are size 8-10 :)

    (Please excuse my crappy photos!)


    1. Lovely floral mini-dress. £6 + £1.50 postage

    dress 2.jpg

    2. Black and white dress. I think this has probably only been worn once. £6 + £1.50 postage

    dress 3.jpg

    3. Blue denim shirt dress. £5 + £2 postage

    dress 4.jpg

    4. Gorgeous chiffon dress. Sorry the picture really doesn't do this lovely dress justice at all! Thinking about it, photographing a heavily patterned dress on a patterned duvet probably wasn't a great idea ;) It's actually a Medium (so more like a size 12, I guess), but it ties round the middle so is quite versatile really. Never been worn. £6 + £1.50 postage.

    That's all for now. I may sort out some more when I get chance!

    I'm shocked and quite upset by the judgmental and downright cruel posts in this thread. I would write a longer reply but it's 6am and I'm not with it much after being up all night with a poorly baby, but I just wanted to commend you for being so brave and honest. I can't begin to imagine how hard it's been for you, but i honestly think you're doing really well. Most young guys would have run a mile in your situation but you've been really strong. I admire you a lot. You'll get through this, I know you will. X

    Katie, you look gorgeous. Pregnancy really suits you. :)

    Twister, your bump was big and brilliant!

    I loved having a bump... In fact, I loved being pregnant full-stop. :D

    I'm just finishing a degree in Social Science with the OU. It's been six years and difficult at times, but I've really enjoyed it. It means I've been able to work, move house and start a family all whilst studying at the same time. If you're able to manage your own time and have good self-discipline, then I'd recommend the OU. The tutors are generally pretty helpful and they run lots of tutorials, lectures, day schools, etc... (Although, I must say, I've never been to a single one) I can't wait to graduate this year!

    I'm sorry you have been having such a hard time, it can be really difficult. I wonder whether you would find it useful to talk your feelings through with someone? The national breastfeeding phoneline or the BFN phonelines are run by supporters who are well trained in talking and debriefing mum's experiences, and would not try to convince you to re start feeding, but rather be a supportive listening experience for you, if you feel it would be beneficial?

    Practically, if you are getting very full and sore, then I would suggest expressing. Because you were feeding lots and then just stopped it can mean that you do get engorgement and increase the risk of mastitis. If you expressed a few times during the day and gradually cut it down you may find you are more comfortable and its easier for you.

    I'm glad that you have made a decision you are happy with and are feeling better about things. She is beautiful.

    Thanks for the suggestions Uma, but I'm actually feeling a lot better emotionally and physically. I anticipated difficulties but it actually hasn't been as awful as I expected. I now know I made the right choice for my little family :)

    Thank you for the comments everyone. It really has been so helpful to hear of other womens' experiences and to know that I'm not alone. I haven't felt as much discomfort as I thought I would the last few days - I was in much more pain last week before I stopped feeding. The leaking seems to have calmed down and I seem to have avoided the painful engorgement so far... I'm just taking it slowly and doing okay. Emotionally, I don't feel too bad either. Bottlefeeding is actually quite enjoyable and Ivy has taken to it pretty well. No poops for about a day and half though and then an almighty stinker! Bloody hell, breastmilk poo is lovely smelling in comparison! I think her little belly is just adjusting to the change in diet. Strangely enough, she seems to be hardly throwing up at all and she quite often had a little bit of sick after every feed when she was on the boob.

    ps its absolutely normal and probably quite healing to allow yourself a sense of grieving for the loss of expectation that you had. Great that you can rationalise it all as such but its ok to cry and let it go :hug: big loves x x x x x

    This really struck a chord, Sarah. I felt quite silly for grieving for it... but you're right. I've had a good cry and now let go. I'm proud of how far I got and I've learnt a lot for next time.

    Thank you all... Hippyvik, Twister and Akasha - it's good to read that others have had similar experiences. It was so important to me to give breastfeeding a go, but it didn't quite turn out the way I wanted it to and I think that disappointment has really knocked the confidence out of me. But I have learnt that you really can't plan anything when you become a parent! There are many things that I was adamant I would/wouldn't do... and a lot of it has gone out of the window. But Ivy is happy and healthy and smart already and that is always the main thing.

    Quote from Sarah

    you are an awesome Mummy full stop :hug: wear a good supportive bra and run hot water over your boobs to take the discomfort away. Leaking is ok and should settle down very soon but don't express and try not to touch your boobs and keep them well covered up from the baby touch for a little while too :hug: a happy mum makes for a content baby no matter where the milk is from :hug: i know how hard the decision must of been hun and am here to offer encouragement,advice and support on this transitional phase and beyond. Big gentle hugs and have you talked to anyone about mastitis? X x x x x x

    Thank you Sarah. The redness has calmed down now (although I've gotta say I'm too scared that I'll 'activate' my boobs by taking off my bra to have a look, so I haven't checked for a while) and - touch wood - I don't feel TOO sore right now. The leaking seems to have relaxed a little too since I put on some weird gel cooling boob pads. I did try the cabbage leaves when I was engorged when my milk came in on Day 4 (that pain was actually a million times worse than this) and they didn't do much, but I don't think I gave them enough of a shot. If it gets bad again I will send Jim to fetch me some. I'd be lost without him, I've gotta say. He has totally taken over Ivy duties while I get myself back to normal and even stayed up with her last night and sent me to bed to get sleep. First full night of sleep since getting pregnant!!

    I have a really lovely HV, so I'll speak to her if I still feel a bit physically crap next week. I mentioned it to the Doc when Ivy had her check the other week and he said it sounded like I was just experiencing a lot of fullness which is what I thought so too. I haven't had a fever or flu-like symptons so I don't think it was mastitis.

    I am trying to feel positive. Parental guilt is shit. I wanted to be a mother so very badly and I think I just wanted everything to be so perfect... I created this ideal image and things don't quite work out that way. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I've put too much pressure on myself to be the best.

    She's had a lovely day today. Fed well, kipped on Daddy, played and really enjoyed her bouncy chair for the first time really and now she's in her basket and all cosy next to the fire. Everything will be fine, but I just know the next few days will be hard...

    Thinking of you. If your baby is downs, then it really is not the end of the world. It is a lifetime of hard work and it's not easy, but I do believe it is worth it. I have a family member who has down's syndrome and she is the warmest, most loving soul you could ever hope to meet. She is funny and quick-witted and such a positive outlook to life... I don't think anyone who knows and loves her considers who to be 'disabled' or have an illness at all.

    Saying that, I wouldn't judge parents whatever they decide. It is a very difficult position to be in. x

    After just under two months of breastfeeding, I've decided to stop. The last few weeks I have been in a lot of pain... Ivy started wanting the breast constantly and my supply went a bit bonkers. My boobs got very tender, sore, red, heavy and engorged. She also started getting distracted and gassy during feeds and pulling me all over the place. It got to the point where I was in tears every night and dreading that hungry cry. On top of all this I haven't been eating or drinking properly and losing a lot more weight than I should be. When I'm looking at the clock and my baby and thinking "Oh God, no - don't be hungry, please" then I know things aren't right.

    We introduced a bottle of formula a night about a week ago to give me a break emotionally and physically and she took to it straight away. I planned to see how I felt after a week and maybe introduce another bottle and do combination feeding, but after a few days I started to feel at my very worst. I felt like my breasts had become between me and my baby and I started resenting the whole thing. My problem is that I over-think things and become obsessed and emotional... and issues become mountains.

    The decision to stop has been the hardest I have ever had to make. I have been hysterical and up and down and changing my mind back and forth... and I am beginning to worry about my own mental health with all this. I know that if I'd asked for breastfeeding support that I probably would have managed to go a bit longer, but I guess in my heart of hearts I knew I'd had enough. I feel a distance between Ivy and me caused by my bloody boobs.

    I don't want people to convince me to change my mind. I have been to hell and back in order to get to this decision and I really really don't need more bloody "breast is best" "you should have given it a little longer"... I am totally in awe of you amazing women who breastfeed for ages and clearly love it, but it has just not worked for me. And it is me with the problem... my brain is not up to it right now.

    So, basically I could do with being told that I'm not an awful mother and that I haven't made the worst choice of my life by denying her my breast after two months. Because I really feel SO guilty and like a complete and utter failure.

    I could also do with some advice about how to get over this transitional period physically. It's been 28 hours since the last feed and I have leaked like hell. I'm wearing a supportive bra and it SEEMS to have calmed down a little, but I'm worried that the more I leak the longer it will take for my supply to dry up. Is leaking okay, but expressing not? I know I can express a little to relieve the pain, but what about all this leaking? Also, it seems to be mainly the one breast - what's that all about? I know I should have stopped more gradually, but what's done is done.

    Two months is not great, but it's not awful either - right? I would have liked 6 months, aimed at 3 months at least, but didn't quite manage that.

    Ugh ugh ugh. Wish I could stop obsessing over it. I have just been breastsbreastsbreasts for ages now and I am utterly sick of myself. I feel so anxious and awful. Funnily enough, Ivy is happy as larry. She had a bottle a couple of hours ago and has been lovingly snuggled up to Daddy ever since, so it's clearly not bothering her too much.

    Just please, someone tell me I'm not a failure :(:(:(