Posts by Kaiya

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UKHippy is a long running online community and of likeminded people exploring all interpretations on what it means to be living an alternative lifestyle -- we welcome discussions on everything related to sustainability, the environment, alternative spirituality, music, festivals, politics and more -- membership of this website is free but supported by the community.

    £1.9 million is only under 4% of his wealth.... its really not actually that much percentage wise although it seems like a lot when you consider the figures.. I wonder if there would be as much media hysteria about this if she he was worth £57000 and she was asking for 1.9 grand... probably not.

    I do not know the full ins and outs of the case, but based on what I have read. If he did indeed shirk his responsibilities and did not care for or pay towards his child for the duration of his child's childhood, then I don't think requesting under 4% of his wealth is actually all that unreasonable.

    It is not just a case of child support payments owned, its about the impact that may or may not have had on her ability to develop a career of her own whilst caring single handedly for the child he also created, its about cost of childcare costs to persue a career of her own whilst being a single mum... there are lots of factors to consider here.

    I'm a firm believer that if you father a child you pay your share, but at the same time I don't see that she has any claim for more than that, as she clearly did get on with life, got married, more kids etc.


    She might not actually be claiming for more then that. £1.9 million sounds a lot but he is worth 57 million. I do not know when he started earning big money. if it wasn't long after they separated it is possible that £1.9million is actually less money then he actually owes based on the 15% of his earnings he should have been paying her for many years.

    Shit.. sorry ive got it. It was sat on my piano for a few weeks and chilly moved it off somewhere and then life got in the way and I completely forgot about it until I just saw this thread.. :(

    Sorry im completely lame. Ill go find it now... who am I meant to be sending it to....?

    That's impressive, considering the struggle you were having.

    Thanks :-) its something I feel very proud of actually because I literally stopped the second I found out and I have never used since and I still live in the same house, in the same area with the opportunity to buy at the end of the road..

    It was really hard, the first few months being the worst because I slowly had to cut out any friend I couldn't trust not to use in front of me which turned out to be pretty much my entire friendship group and my partner relapsed a few times in the first few months of my pregnancy and bought it into the house. I remember feeling very very angry with just about everything for a good 4 months or so...

    But yeah.. ultimately I never really wanted to stop before, not for me, I wanted to stop screwing up so much but I wanted to be able to use at the same time. Things are different now due to my son. Whilst I might still day dream about having a line (to be honest I think once your an addict you are always an addict and there will always be that tiny percentage of your brain that craves your old life no matter how negative it was) truthfully Eli's well being is 100 million times more important to me..and being a using addict and providing him what he needs are just not compatible lifestyles.

    So its not actually a secret either as my drug use was heavily shared on this forum... but yeah

    Its been 2 years and 2 months :-)

    In the end it was with no input from any recovery program I just did it because I had to being pregnant..and my son is the main reason I don't use now.

    Tbh the way I do it and I recommend this is just to tell myself every day if I think about buying some "not today maybe tomorrow" and tomorrow never comes because tomorrow is just a "not today maybe tomorrow" . its worked every day so far even through some bad situations and horrific cravings :-)

    I had this problem once.

    Ask about the deposit scheme. It has to be in one otherwise she will end up having to pay you back up to 3 times as much as the deposit if you take her to court.

    Ask for a full break down of the problems with the house. You are allowed things for wear and tear which can cover a lot of things depending on how you long you have lived there. Ask for photographic evidence of before and after for any problem she sites. Ask for a break down of costs to replace/fix. She just cant claim a stain is going to cost her £600.
    In the end the landlord had to pay me back £490 of the £500 he was planning on keeping :-)

    So its been 18 months somewhere near today :-)

    I have no one to share that with, my new friends don't need to know about that and any old friends I am still in touch with would probably feel the need to tell me that they have been 7 days so I can stroke their ego and tell them how great I think that is, because you know, rubbing your drug use in an ex users face is awesome of you.

    So I thought I would share with you guys :-) :D

    You can recover. It isn't something that will just happen though it is something that is real hard work. I still have bad days I have just taught myself how to cope with them.

    Try and address one issue at a time. What is your biggest trigger of your BPD? Start with that :-)

    I was diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder about 5 years ago. I am now in recovery or "recovered" as I no longer fit barely any of the diagnostic criteria. Recovery is completely possible...

    What set me on the path to recovery was realising that personality disorders are disorders not illness. A personality disorder is a learnt set of thought processes and behaviors that have given me a disordered view of the world and a disordered way of coping with the world, the consequence of which made me mentally and sometimes physically unwell.

    Once I realised that I realised I could reteach myself behaviors, thought processes and copeing strategies. Thats not anywhere near as easy as it sounds but is completely possible. Once I began practicing new techniques I began changing the way I thought and I started to feel well.

    Have you heard of Directorial Behavioral Therapy? You can get it through the nhs but the waiting lists are huge (like up to 2 years in my area). You can buy DBT self help books online. I recommend this book..…33820&sr=8-1&keywords=dbt

    My by far biggist issue with my BPD was my intense fear of abandonment. I would self sabotage my personal relationships because I was obsessive and needy. I was convinced my partner was going to leave and almost create it to happen. Like I would get so obsessed that they wernt answering the phone to me because they hated me that I would ring repeatedly sometimes maybe 100 times back to back until they answered. If things had become strained and abandonment was inevitable I would manipulate and act out in order to get people to stay. I've threatened suicide to get people to stay, I have even physically harmed myself in order to get people to stay.

    I have found practicing mindfulness has really helped me control my BPD rages. I would really recommend having a look into this. Now if i get unbearably sad or unbearably angry I remind myself that this will pass and I stop myself doing anything stupid. Before I would be violent, damage property and hurt myself.

    I really recommend reading this book:**=UTF8&qid=1394734197&sr=8-1&keywords=get+me+out+of+here

    This book really helped me. I related to the author so much that he recovery inspired mine.

    I read somewhere once someone describe bpd as being an emotional burns victim. That definitly descibed how I was. I just couldnt cope with any mood. Feel disappointed =kill myself. Feel sad = kill myself. Feel happy = feel manic and belive I was superhuman. Feel angry- be eviolent. I still have very intense mood swings but through practing self acceptance and mindfulness I have them under control and I now cope completely differently. I no longer engage in damaging behavior such as cutting or drug use.

    Here are some other websites I found helpful...

    Dont let anyone tell you that you can not recover from BPD. This used to be thought it psychiatry and is quite simply bullshit! Its completely possible.

    I wanted to type more but my baba needs me :-)

    I guess I haven't been here for ages..since really I got my smart phone. I rarely scroll round the net on a computer anymore and the website is quite bulky on my phone... or at least it was last time I went on it.

    Is he pooing and peeing enough?

    If so he is likely getting enough milk. Just keep going. Nurse nurse nurse nurse nurse. You body will regulate how much milk you need to make and as he gets a bit older he will cut back on how often he nurses.

    If you are concerned about your supply there are things you could try to up it, such as pumping after feeds, making lactation cookies, fenugreek. I recommend a book called Mother food by Hillary Jacobson which encouraged me at first and has lots of useful advice.

    I know it is hard. I have not long been in the same boat as you and now after having weeks of my 17 week old sleeping through he is waking up every 3 hours. At times like this I just try and remain mindful and remember that this wont last forever.

    ya have kids ya sort ya shit out if ya can't sort ya shit out don't have kids.... no excuses for this!

    Have you ever been seriously mentally ill? Sometimes when someone is unwell enough just "sorting their shit out" isn't possible, at least not with a huge amount of psychiatric intervention and support.

    The women that did this was clearly severely mentally ill. No sane rational person starves their baby to death and then leaves its decomposing body in its cot for 2 years! She doesn't deserve to be beaten to death. She does deserve to go to prison for a long time for her actions along side appropriate psychiatric treatment.

    This story is very sad because this baby was let down by so many people. Social serves should have been involved and stopped this from happening.

    I havnt taken Ayahausca but I have smoked DMT twice.. DMT is the active psychedelic ingredient in ayahuasca (although I think it is often mixed with other ingredients to make a tea some of which may add to the psychedelic effect. Your description sounds very much like someone who has passed what is known as the break through point, meeting with wise beings/enterties that guide and teach you.

    I didn't quite break through when I took DMT but I did experience a presence and other "beings" I guess that I felt were pulling me upwards out of my body towards them. I felt myself detach from my physical self and then around this point starting to get a bit freaked out and I felt myself fall back into my body the "beings" went away and I huge lotus flower appeared that split off in to other flowers. For quite a while afterwards I felt a lot clearer and calm. My experiements with DMT were purely recreational but I can see why people come away from an ayahasca journey feeling like they are awakened when I think about my own DMT experiences then think about combing that with a shamanic process/ ceremony and the physical aspect of the purging involved with ayahuasca.

    I have always been interested in brewing some ayahuasca but I don't think I ever really will. I have a weak stomach when it comes to psychedelic experiences and I don't think I could force myself to drink it. I have tried drinking loads of peyote juice and although I have always managed to achieve psychedelic effects I always just give up after a few cups worth concluding the trip isnt worth the horrible experience of drinking the disgusting juice and then being sick for ages.

    Try garlic. Get a clove of garlic, cut in half and then push both halves into the vagina and leave in over night. Repeat until you see improvements. It does work but I have never tried it on a severe infection only when I notice one beginning so I don't know what effect it would have on a severe one. Worth a try though, at worst it will relieve the symptoms a bit :-)

    If so, I think my biggest concern would be the creation of a database based on people's sexual tastes, political leanings, drug use etc.

    If internet usage is being snooped on and data being held without the knowledge of the internet user in databases would this not already be happening (and it might be as far as I know I wouldn't be surprised) regardless of if this porn block is put in place or not. Surely someone could get that data about you anyway from looking at what websites you frequent and terms you regularly search?

    I have no idea if I agree with the block or not... but I can see the argument for it existing and I don't think it really is real censership.

    OK, just to play devil's advocate for a minute ... if adult content is to become an "opt in" feature, then what's the problem with doing just that and opting in?

    To be honest I actually agree. Its not real censorship because you have the option to opt in and legally view the material just opt in. I do think society has a whole has an obligation to protect children from unsuitable material. It is not healthy to be able to access graphic pornography before you are of an age that you can really understand that porn is fiction and real consensual sex is nothing like graphic pornography.

    Everyone saying its the same as china are being incredibly over dramatic. Want to see adult material, just opt in! problem solved.

    If you are going to do learn it using the free resources I would recommend having a one off session with a qualified therapist. I tried teaching myself and had no results then had one session where the women really did explain it all to me really well and taught me how to phrase the affirmations well and stuff and that is when I began to see the results from it. From then I took what i learnt in that session and have been doing it myself :-)

    I have had EFT and I found it vary quickly released the tension of my past. I had a session to try and combat my fear of hospital treatment. It involved explaining my story to the therapist and then we did positive affirmations and tapped on a series of pressure points.

    I felt very skeptical the whole time I was in the therapy but actually left the session feeling very positive and like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The rest of the day I felt really positive. It is the first time I have told in detail what happened at the hospital that caused the trauma without being hysterically upset afterwards, having flashbacks and things.

    Since then I have used the technique to relive anxiety when it arises in stressful situations and when I have had drug cravings all with great results. I find the pressure point tapping very calming. Its not really meditation, just tapping on affirmations.

    I am about to have some more to approach my experiences recently in the hospital and I am feeling very positive about the effects it will have. I strongly recommend EFT, just make sure you find a good therapist :-)