Posts by whitepoppy

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UKHippy is a long running online community and of likeminded people exploring all interpretations on what it means to be living an alternative lifestyle -- we welcome discussions on everything related to sustainability, the environment, alternative spirituality, music, festivals, politics and more -- membership of this website is free but supported by the community.

    is this fact? Does evidence exist? Can you support this statement with some sort of evidence? I'm not so naive to not believe it happens in many arenas of conflict.


    It is indeed fact. I'll try find the name of the report for you, and I would suggest giving it a read, because the war crimes the western armies have been responsible for are beyond reproach. Both the American and British armies tried to supress the report, and even heavilly redacted, its still absolutely disgusting what our supposes heroes have been getting up to over there.

    I would like to point out that we don't know the mental state of these women, bearing in mind the crazy shit people with PTSD have been known to do, either from violence at home, violence from soldiers, violence from other religious nutters or the constant bombing or whether they have learning difficulties, ( studies have shown that quite alot of the hardline fundamentalist followers of any religions have lower I.Qs, which is why they are targeted and radicalised so easily)


    Also, its worth considering that maybe, just maybe, these women already believed their children and themselves as dead already. Someone, western or middle eastern was going to kill them anyways.... May as well go out on your own terms.


    Yeah its super fucking shitty, their behaviour does not lend itself to sympathies, but they had to be in a really really piss poor place and state of mind to contemplate doing that, and following it through, whether through indoctrination, fear, hate, revenge, lack of education and socialisation.... And that does deserve sympathy, because no one should be in that position and denied their humanity.


    (oh and for the comment about the war crimes our troops have been party to, that's not rumor or slander. Theres a whole report they tried to bury, about our troops raping women's children in front of the parents, torture, waterboarding, wanton killing of civilians.... With photographs, and video evidence. The fact that all these wars have been shaped by the west, for the purposeful destabilisation of the middle east, to steal their resources and integrate them into the world banking system rather than gold backed currency, and to stop the sale of oil in any currency other than the petrodollar.... Again, many many official reports if you care to look. I'm not surprised that the people in those countries may feel slightly extreme towards those they rightly view as an invading force. )

    Hi @whitepoppy - did you finish your dragon?


    Hi Red Dragon. Its not finished, although I did do more on it. It was a piece I was just drawing to amuse myself in a bored moment, so it took a back seat to various commission. You like it? I have a stack of half finished pieces that I keep aiming to finish, but haven't got round to yet, between work and commissions, and festive drinking 😉


    If you're interested in a print / the original, id be more than happy to pull her out my portfolio and finish her for you xx

    Hi everyone, sorry for not replying, I had a bit of a terrible shift at work the other day, with a man threatening to kill himself on the forecourt whilst I was on a night shift, and cutting his arms and face up with a knife. It really shook me up, so I needed a few days to re-centre myself.


    Thanks for everyone's kind words and understanding, it really helps to know that so many people have walked this path and come out the other side, and that theres so much goodwill and love from you all.


    I really appreciate the support xxx

    Though it may seem a cop-out for someone keen to confront their demons, there are cognitive techniques for dealing with the stress of traumatic events, such as "Havening technique", it may interest you. BTW I'm no expert! Good luck!


    I have never heard of it, but I will have a look into it, thankyou. I'm currently just meditating alot, which seems to help some. X

    Thankyou for your kind words, all of you. I got quite drunk last night and it all came tumbling out. I've just been experiencing some really strange things lately, since emailing my mother.


    In my email to her I wrote that I had tried to forgive her for my childhood, because I had heard that her father was abusive. (she asked when I did I find out about the whole 'sordid' affair, and then the email descended into insults, so clearly I triggered something in her.) Although she confirmed that the abuse she and aunt suffered was 'sordid', she didn't give much information, and as we will probably never speak again, I will, in all likelihood, never really know what went on. The parts that I know about are only down to my aunt getting drunk at a family wedding and losing her shit about it, I had, up until the email, nothing but family rumor to go on.


    So it feels strange. I figured something must have happened when I was young, as we used to get left with my grandparents alot, then when I was about 5, or 6, we stopped being allowed to go, my mother completely disowned them and my grandparents died shortly after. We didn't go the funerals. And I don't know if I even really want to know the full truth, but I feel its the least she owes me.


    I'm considering regression/ hypnosis, to get to the bottom of it, but I don't know how deep this particular rabbit hole goes, and I'm scared of what's at the end of it.


    All I know, is that recently, since the email, I have had nightmare after nightmare of being chased, and regular night terrors, including feeling like I'm being pinned to the bed.


    I think my brain has started pushing all this to a forefront, so that I can deal with it. But its frustrating to feel like my personality may have been vastly altered by a traumatic event, that I wasn't told about, even though it may have affected me directly. I guess I should feel angry, but I don't. I feel fairly resigned to it, because the depths of my family's darkness no longer shocks me. I just feel saddened by it all, and cheated out of a better life, by the people who were meant to be there for me.


    Thanks again for the lovely words, you really are a good bunch of folks on this forum xxx

    I've booked in with a specialist councillor for childhood abuse. My mothers appalling behaviour aside, lately I've started feeling like something worse happened in my childhood, that I'm not being told about. Its strange. I feel like maybe this may be the lynchpin as to why me and my mother hate each other.

    I didn't know where to put this, as it encapsulates many things going on in my life, but recently, as some of you know, I got in contact with my very absent mother.


    There had always been rumors within my family that my grandfather was abusive, hence my mothers woeful attempt at raising us. I had heard that some of it was of a sexual nature, toward my mother and aunt, and my older brother had mentioned things from his childhood that affirmed it.


    We grew up in the house my mother did, I had their room. I was always scared in that room. It had a built in wardrobe that went up to the attic, with no door. Just a big black space, darker than the rest of the black within my room, I was always terrified of that dark. I was told that by older brother that he once found scouring pads, pushed under the bath panel, (when my mother was decorating) extremely rusty, covered in a weird slugey substance. I was told that my aunt used to scrub herself with scouring pads (by her own words, to get clean) and she would hide them so he, my grandfather, wouldn't see. My grandmother apparently knew, she let it occur because she was super religious and he was the head of the household. (and he was a vicious, violent cunt)


    It turns out the rumors were true. The thing is, my youngest years were spent largely in their care, until my nan died, when I was about five. (my mother was at college at the time) my earliest memories about my childhood, is trying to hide, and being scared. I seriously have nothing but the most vague memory of my childhood. Apparently, according to various papers, this is common amongst people abused as children. Amongst with a whole massive tick list that I fall into, self harm when I was younger, promiscuity too early, eating disorder, depression, strange boundaries, an obsession with layering clothing, fear of the dentists, nail biting, skin picking, fear of being submerged in water/ getting face wet, early sexual behaviour, sensitive gag reflex, panic attack and night terrors to name but a few.


    My first boyfriend was 23 when I was thirteen, I didn't think it was weird, and couldn't understand why people were angry.


    I'm really just feel that since my mother acknowledged her own abuse at the hands of this man, even though it was in an argumentative angry email, something has unlocked in my mind. I stopped biting my nails over night, I went the dentists even though I'm petrified. I'm having recurring nightmares, and night terrors/sleep paralysis.


    I read that sometimes your brain can supress shit until you can sort of cope with it, a disassociation from memory.... I just feel super weird right now. Like her email, stating an unknown truth, has unlocked why I may be so broken. I had to put this somewhere, I'm sorry, I really just needed to organise my thoughts, which until recently seemed I was getting a handle on things, but I feel like dust in a really vicious wind right now 😢

    I suppose it boils down to your own definition of success, and therefore how you apply it. If you are only looking at this from a monetary perspective, then you are looking at it from a manipulative point of view, as in how can that person physically impact on your life. But from a spiritual perspective I think that if people are holding you back, and you can see it, then you do need to move on. But success is not defined by monetary wealth, I would consider myself a success if I could leave this vessel a well rounded, compassionate human.

    Thankyou, lonely vegan. Apologies for not replying sooner, I didn't spot this until today. I'm getting much better with the dentist, although I am having to take valium before I go.


    Just before Christmas I had my deep clean done. The injections weren't as bad as I was expecting, not pleasant by any stretch, but over quickly, they numbed my gums first, and hid the needles from me, which helped alot. The actual cleaning was uncomfortable, but bearable, its more the noise that makes it seem worse, and I managed to get the top set done without pain relief on the same appointment.


    Today I went for a filling on my front tooth, ended up getting three fillings, but my front tooth was the most visible one. The injections for that were really unpleasant, even with numbing gel, and made my eyes water, but by the time you've registered that its painful, its already done. The filling was nowhere near as bad as id anticipated, the actual drilling is unpleasant both in noise and smell, but didn't hurt at all.


    My front teeth look so much better that I cried when they showed me. I wish id have just gone so much sooner, as although its not pleasant having someone rooting about in your mouth with metal implements, its not barbaric, as I remember from my childhood. My dentist is so lovely and empathetic, which really helps, and they've been so patient with me. Next appointment is some smaller fillings that need doing, going to try get those done without any injections, as apparently they aren't deep, and the injection is worse than the work that needs doing.


    Then it'll be time for the extractions. 😲

    They are, along with all other organised religion, a force for racketeering and indoctrination. A way of stealing money and freewill, teaching the masses to accept an authoritative figure as the guiding force of your life, over your own personal responsibility and spiritual growth. I was raised Catholic, and its never gone away, its insidious teachings are lodged firmly in a part of my undeveloped brain. Doesn't matter how far I step away from it, the threat of eternal damnation is always in the background. Because they get you young.


    They own a ridiculous amount of wealth, that's amassed from its flock, that they use to pervert the course of justice regarding child sexual abuse, and the theft of babies from single mothers for adoptive sales. That money could be used to alleviate the suffering of so many peoples around the world, and instead it's used to protect sexual deviants.

    Thankyou Treestump! Its so weird, I was only on about this earlier to my fella, but saying I had no clue where to start. 😊 thanks xxx happy new year, hope you've been well, haven't seen you on here in ages xx

    I don`t have facebook,so find it hard to use,because it`s so slow and clunky.
    Have you looked at other ways of promoting/advertising your work? maybe an etsy shop,blog or something else? i think you should try to get your work seen more by trying other outlets.
    Finished pieces/prints etc,Gumtree,Shpock and pre loved maybe?
    Great work,keep at it and very best of luck.


    :)


    I have an instagram account under the same moniker, although I really don't fully understand hashtags, so it made instagram a bit pointless lol. I'm in the process of talks with a graphic designer/ website guy, and so will hopefully have my own website by summer. Thankyou for having a look, especially if it was difficult, facebook is quite annoying as a format even if you're used to it lol. Xx

    Thankyou for checking out my page. I've been working a load of night shifts so haven't had chance to upload any updates on my work recently. Glad you like it so far, the Bowie piece is one of my favourites so far 😊 happy new year to you all x

    I have friends john and Linda who have been mediums for 5 or more decades and john was saying it really mad that people do a two week course these days and call themselves mediums and charge extorted fee,s where as he prefers donation to cover fuel costs. Another thing that astounds him and Linda that some mediums believe there is no negative or evil forces. He says some medium's have not only raised if that's the word, negative forces but also those of evil as well. Its not a word I hear him use very often about the spirit world.
    Whitepoppy if its any help will pm you there number once spoken to Linda and john.


    Milly, that'd be real sweet of you. Just any advice, off anybody, on getting it to stop would be great, I was going to ask a priest, but apparently they don't really care if you don't practice 'the faith' anymore. And I don't really want to think its real, Id rather it just be a figment of an overactive imagination combined with sleep deprivation, but I really don't think its that, as I've had them since I was a child, its just becoming more and more frequent as I get older.


    It stopped for a while when I got my dog, he used to be allowed to sleep on the foot of my bed, but when I moved in with my fella, he wasn't allowed in the bedroom anymore, and it started up again. Its strange as hell...

    Id definitely try some glasses then, I have to use my glasses for anything with a screen or its migraine city for me 😊


    Journey is like a surreal platformer type game, your a little floaty sprite thing, going around all these sandy deserty temples. Its really pretty and relaxing. Its on PS4. X

    whitepoppy, i can help you, give me a bit and will get back to you


    Really? Thatd be most excellent and lovely of you Dolly. Any advice will be gratefully received. I'm going to try grab a couple of hours kip, as I came of a night shift this morning. I'm still up because I think I've started trying to keep myself awake on a subconscious level, like Nightmare on elm street lol. Xx

    Aww, is it just when you're playing, or is it watching it being played by someone else too? If its both, that sucks! 😞 If its just playing it, then maybe you have to take one for the team and be someone's smoke maker/spotter, its worth it for the story, they're like movies nowadays some of these first person ones.


    I used to get migraines all the time from 16 bit games, but then I got glasses, and it helped, and then graphics got better, which helped, and the colours stopped being lurid, which infinitely helped lol. Do you wear glasses FT? If not, maybe glasses are the way forward?


    Have you played Journey yet? Its only short, and not first person, but its beautiful, and the music is like an ear worm from the universe 😆


    Shooting's over rated, I'm more stealthy stealthy, stabby stabby, or stand waaaaaaaaay off with a sniper rifle/ bow and arrow 😊


    Id try a first person again now that the technology is better, the camera angle motion is alot smoother than it used to be, and you can adjust its sensitivity.


    Oblivion as in morrowind oblivion? Skyrim? ..... They both include a third person angle 😊 Dead Space is also third person too 😊


    And I am the best spotter ever lol, or I am according to the fella, but maybe that's so I don't insist on taking my turn, instead of rolling smokes and pointing out enemies lol x

    I can relate to the first paragraph , the electric current thing for me was an intense buzzing/vibration closely followed by what I imagine to be a real large nasty black cat type creature laying alongside me , all very lucid and ultimately I tried to scream or shout (I was living at my dads place at the time) no noise came out and i could not move , it got to the stage i was dreading going to sleep. I think it only lasted a few months but very nasty at the time .


    Shroom, I'm so pleased it only lasted a few months for you. Xx


    I've had the visits for years, but it was always fairly sporadic, like one every couple of months, but recently its been around once a week. I once woke up to see it stood in the middle of me, through the bed, just black, even though my bed faces my window, and we have a lamppost directly outside, so the bedroom is never that dark. And this thing was black as fuck....


    I've tried everything, from sleeping tablets, to anti depressants, meditation, prayer.... The only thing that seems to help is staying up until its morning, and sleeping through the day.... It seems it visits less when the suns up. (although I have had them during early morning)


    Its got to the point where I took a night job, so I don't have to go to bed at night for three days of the week, because I'm more likely to get woken up by the neighbours DIY than terrifying black thing during the day. I'm proper running on empty lately through lack of sleep. My boyfriend has agreed to come with me to a spiritualist church, I've never been to one before, but I'm hoping someone there may be able to help. And he's ordered me some sage for Christmas, as I'm going to try smudging the house, although, this is a last resort if I cant find someone who can help, as I've heard it can sometimes make things worse.

    Ps4 games work fine without the internet connection, so long as you only want to access the campaign, and aren't arsed about the DLC, or the patches to fix the usual glitches that games inevitably have.


    My favourite games are the Dead Space trilogy, although only to watch, I get way too invested so that game is just terrifying. My OH plays, and I offer moral support and scout the level for health and ammo.


    Bioshock infinite was just a tour de force, absolutely stunning and really playable. (but all the bioshocks are)


    Mass effect - just amazing, and my ultimate ultimate favourite set of games ever. Cant wait for the forth one next year, me and my other half already have the money set aside for it.


    Really cant wait to play last of us 2 either..... Arrrgh, I wants it now! 😊

    I get 'visited' alot when I'm in bed, I'm currently trying to convince myself that its just sleep paralysis, but it always starts the same, I've had visits whilst drifting off to sleep, but I've had them when I've been fully asleep, to be awoken by a feeling of a current going through me. Not like pins and needles, but like a really painful electric shock that travels up from my feet. It feels like its stealing something, or absorbing something crucial. Whatever it is, its not friendly at all, and my boyfriend has had to help me several times to come out of the trance. Last time I woke him by trying to speak to him whilst 'locked in' he said i was awake, my eyes were open and I was crying/begging him to help me, and I clearly remembered it, so I don't think it was a dream. I've woken up, wide awake, before now because I can sense it in the room before the 'shocks/spasms start, and have watched it make imprints of weight on the bed.


    When I was younger (5yrs-10), I used to be really frightened of mirrors, because apparently I used to see shadow figures in them, and recently (within the last five or six years) I've started seeing them again. They only flit past, but when you're in on your own, and both you and the dog look in the direction of movement, I know it cant just be me....


    And the other day, I was awake, lying on my front in bed, looking at my phone, think I was on here, or fb, and it felt like something punched me really hard in between my shoulder blades. This scared the shit out of me, because I can say with all certainty I was not sleepy, or asleep, I was on my bed with the lights on.


    This is not even factoring in the crazy bathroom light, that used to flicker like mad and turn off whenever I was in the bathroom, and yet no one else ever complained about the light, and we did ask friends when they were round. We even changed the bulb and checked the wiring....


    But maybe I just have a hyper sensitive imagination and a sleep disorder lol? I hope its that, 'cos the idea of creepy dark entities when you were raised religious is terrifying xx

    After five years a lull in sex is normal, nobody is going to keep that honeymoon pace up all the time. But sex is definitely something that you both need to make time for, especially if you feel once a month is not enough, as sex helps reinforce the intimacy with your partner.


    Its difficult to try initiate sex once you feel its gone a bit stagnant, but don't focus on the sex straight away. Lots of physical contact such as hugs, little secret ass grabs, little kisses when no one's looking lol.


    As for the nothing to talk about, I understand that. I've been with my fella for around five years too, and we went through that, so we try do things we enjoy together, but we both have time apart for hobbies and friends separately, so then we at least have some new conversation, about something other than work. Do you both share a mutual hobby? Maybe try something new together, like cooking, or learning something?


    Hope your date night went well 😊

    My favourite gift ever is always socks! Its the only thing I ever ask for, people think I'm being sarcastic when that's my reply. My boyfriend bought me some last year than were filled with buckwheat in the soles, and you microwave them for a couple of minutes. You cant walk in them, they are specifically couch/bed footwear only, but they stay warm and toasty for ages! (they're called snuggle boots if I remember rightly)


    I now use them as a bed warmer too 😊

    Thanks for the replys, the person knows I am in a relationship as we got very close when I was on a 4 month break with my current partner around 3 years ago. They know I am still with the same partner. The fact they have got intouch has made me think a lot and I think I am missing the early spark that I used to have with my current partner, as time goes by we become less romantic and less physical which has never bothered me until now. I would never cheat and I would never want to break anybody's heart I'm just so confused on what I want.


    Only you can figure it out, I'm afraid. You'll have to weigh up whether you are willing to gamble the five years of happiness you've had with your partner, or brace yourself for a jump into the unknown.


    If you are currently feeling like the 'spark' has gone with your partner, have you considered why? Is it a lack of effort from you, your partner, or a bit of both? Relationships go through cycles of romance, where one partner will be doing the chasing, and one will be pulling away. Maybe your partner can sense that you are now subconsciously pulling away, because this other person is now on your mind, and is responding by becoming more guarded with their own emotions, because honestly, people are more perceptive than we tend to give them credit for, and maybe the lack of affection is a symptom of you having your head turned by this other person. Nobody wants to fully invest in a relationship when they can sense its going downhill, as a protective kneejerk way of looking after their own emotional well being.


    So maybe your partner is doing that, or maybe its the other way round, and you've sensed that they pulled away first, and so it was easier for this old flame to get on your mind?


    My nan always used to say, there's only so much room in a heart, and that theres never enough room for two. So you have to decide, sooner rather than later, what you truly want. If you are unhappy, and its not fixable by some extra effort, then you should cut that person free, and do what makes you happy. But its unfair to let things carry on with your partner while you are dreaming of someone else. If your partner has no idea of the shortcomings in the relationship, tell them. At least let them try to fix it, (unless its your shortcomings, in which case, you need to try) because five years is a long time to be invested in another person.


    Good luck with whatever you decide, only you can fully know what is the right course of action. X

    Homemade truffles and fudges, not too tricky to make, and look lovely when in an upcycled jar with some ribbon.


    Christmas stove top potpourri, which again is a lovely way to upcycle a jar with a pretty label, with things from the spice cupboard (stick of cinnamon, some cloves, star anise, dried slices of orange and half a stick of vanilla. They add to a pan with water, and bring it to boil, makes the house smell lovely)


    Paper flowers are always nice, theres varying degrees of difficulty for different flowers, but you'd be amazed how easy roses are to make (that's assuming you may not), they look really lovely made from old book pages.


    All else fails, type in Handmade gifts on Pinterest, and be prepared get lost in all the beautiful beautiful things lol x