Posts by elfqueenofrohan

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    the only conclusion i can come to is that the govt *want* people to be homeless. why else are they making people who have never recieved it before get housing benefit and pay their landlords? so they have the temptation to spend it, get into arrears, get kicked out and die on the streets???? what other reason is this for?

    my baby is 9 months too and was like this last night. well she's ok when she's gone off and im in bed with her but she wakes up multiple times between bed and me going up! normally boob to sleep too but she's getting more difficult with it now ive put it down to her age. evryone keeps saying she has to learn to settle on her own. what i might start doing is rocking her to sleep in my arms and putting her down in her cot rather than boob. it will result in crying but i think as im holding her it wont do any harm. i then hope to progress to cuddling her next to her in bed and then gradually moving away! but im going to do it slowly as i cn't stand her crying. but boob to sleep is unsustainable for me too cos of back pain, sore boobs (she's non stp on them too!) and the fact she wakes up and crawls about on the bed now without making noise which is scary and i dont want her to fall off!!!!we've just put her cot up properly now (it's a cosleeper one) eek
    i hope that's some help - even if just to let you know you're not alone, and in choosing to co-sleep so far you've done a huge amount of good for your baby, being close to her all night. i think that's so important.

    and i think fb also normalises those attitudes.... everyone else is posting them/agreeing. if you disagree, people can be REALLY unpleasant on comments sections. :/

    what do we expect from the daily mail.

    i really think it is screwed up the way after devastating stuff happens the media often accuses people of not acting 'remorseful enough' or in the right way, or they laughed, or smiled, or did anything other than weep constantly. do they know nothing about grief, numbness, the odd things it can do to you? (this isn't aimed at just this case, they seem to do it with lots of them. you must act in a certain way or you're evil/guilty/screwed up or possibly all three)

    my HV said that by about 9 months you can offer them water when they wake for a night feed. if this is consistent they might not bother waking up for milk anymore.
    Erin hated her cot, until I put a fleece between the sheet and the mattress. it was just uncomfy compared to the bed! apparently warming it with a hot water bottle before you put them down can help too.

    it would be horrible if the maternity care in this country became like that in the usa :/
    i don't think i can watch the programme though, it would most likely make me too unhappy. i went back to the birth centre where i wanted to have baby last week and it felt so crap considering my actual experience and then i feel crap for overreacting/being oversenstive etc... 'you have a healthy baby that's all that matters' is what the world seems to say, and therefore undermines and dismisses any feelings you have.

    how different is pretending to be depressed for a long time really from being depressed? i fear it is one of honesty or bravado only. no healthy happy person pretends to the world to be mentally ill. there is a lot of black humour in some of these places (in my experience). it may be easier to pretend to friends that you're tricking the govt. than be open and honest about having a problem and suffering from mental illness. pretend to yourself that you're winning somehow, as if it is a game, makes it easier for you to bear, to feel you have some control. and pretend to people you are happy and this is what you want, because often it is hard to admit how much you are struggling and that you'd rather it was another way, but you don't have the resources, or the support, to know what to do.

    i really suggest you read that article i linked to! it may be put together by church but it discusses several of the hings you said there.
    such as the idea of three generations of worklessness, which is based on nothing. I know Iain Duncan Smith may have said it but that doesn't mean it's true. What has actually been found is that children growing up with parents out of work and living on benefits have a greater desire TO work because they do not want to carry on like this.
    Perhaps for a single person who doens't have many outgoings, living on benefits is desirable, if they want to just watch tv, ply games etc., but for the MAJORITY of people. It is crap.

    Benefit fraud is found to be 0.9% of the welfare budget. (Tax fraud is 4-6% of tax income). When it comes to disabled people, apparently only 1 in 5 disabled people have an 'obvious' disability. The benefit fraud hotline recieves a quarter of a million calls a year. Only a fifth are considered worth being investigated. 74 out of 75 neighbours who thought someone was commiting fraud was wrong. Tens of thousands of genuine claimants were subjected to investigation,which is costly and intrusive. The myth of benefit fraud prevails because of lazy headline writers, misuse of statistics and lack of knowledge about personal circumstances. The cost of errors for people getting underpaid is alrger than the bill for benefit fraud.
    If the benefit system gave out exactly t he amount everyone is due MORE ten times over would be spent as far more that could be claimed goes unclaimed.

    The idea that benefits is an easy life is also discussed. I didn't realise, 30 yers ago or so it used to be very easy to claim. Perhaps even though this isn't the case this is where part of the problem with attitudes comes frmo, people don't realise it is difficult stressful and demeaning now. With people sneering looking down on you judging you accusing you and so on. When I use healthy start vuoucheres in a shop i often get dirty looks from the person on the till. once someone refused to take them and i hadno other money. how embarassing, humiliating. sanctions from jsa are rising. largest single cause of increASED USE OF FOOD BANKS.

    i watched one of the episodes of this (because of this thread) and wondered how ethical it is? :S won't going on a show like that increase risk of bullying etc.? particularly with the asian family that was getting abuse anyway.
    that case with the fire where 5 siblings died made me think of it, because it said those kids had been badly bullied after they'd been on jeremy kyle. Just wondered what reason the parents could have for putting their children on that :/

    when I first started uni, we had a lecture on geology where the guy told us about tectonic plates and so on... and I asked him his opinion on the theory of the expanding earth. This theory suggests that the earth used to be much smaller and is growing because of something to do with crystals and this explains the movement of the continents away from each other etc. I don't remembr the details of it. Anyway, he laughed at me, and so did the rest of the students. The following year when I restarted uni (I dropped out from that one), I asked my new lecturer the same thing. He said we know it's not expanding because since the 1970s we've been monitoring the earth so would have noticed a growth in size. It was at least an answer (even if it doesn't work because the amount the earth is meant to grow it in this theory is small per year!)

    Anyway, I don't believe in this expanding earth theory, and never gave it much credence, from what I have read. But what I wanted to observe was the reaction of the lectuers - and other students. And it was an immediate dismissal, without explanation. For a completely uneducated layman, an expanding earth is no more absurd an idea than the one that we sit on plates that float about and crash into each other. But because it was not accepted science it did not even deserve an explanation as to WHY it is not true. I know I accepted the tectonic theory at a very young age - and for no other reason than it was what I told. I had no scientific background, no one told me HOW and WHY they knew it 'the truth'. It just was, and we accept it, and that's that.
    I am not saying that the expanding earth theory should necessarily be given credence - it is not about that theory - it is about the attitude that often prevails in academia where their word that something is so should be good enough. If explanations were truer from a school age, it would help a lot. I've sometimes wondered if this attitude doesn't help against creationists; the simplified version of evolution is easy to pick apart, perhaps.

    i just met a woman at a baby group who has a 5 month old and is 3 months pregnant... can it be healthy to have babies that close? she had a section too, i'd be terrified of bursting open! when i think how big and uncomfortable i was in the last couple of months, the idea of having a baby to look after at the same time!!! there's a level of respect due to these women for managing it lol

    people one benefits are individual people and equally human, so i don't see why people clump them together because they know one person who takes the piss. it reminds me of an american lady on fb i saw who said she hated all meixcans because they were nasty and she knew this because one had been horrible to her sister :/

    But personally, even though there are undoubtedly people who abuse the system, I would far rather we err on the side of giving people who don't 'deserve' help help, than not giving it to those who do need it. Bbut it seems many people would rather not take the risk. Hang them just in case they committed the crime :/

    are you saying that my comment there means people being unpleasant is deserved, because they think he could just take a job cleaning toilets??
    because he applies for crap jobs as well as his 'ideal' ones but they prefer younger less experienced people. presumably because they can pay them less.

    there seem to be so many anti benefits slogans/rants on facebook atm and it's starting to really bother me.. :(

    do people have NO IDEA what it is like to live in poverty??? so much so that they actively WISH that poverty to be worse for people - people they don't know, don't know the circumstances of? how can people be so unpleasant? i don't understand at all WHY people are so nasty about it.
    where does this crap come from that living on benefits is some wonderful thing?? i get it must be crap if you're working long hours in a job you hate and then when you see a % of your money disappear every payday you're going to be annoyed, that is natural. but why turn on people on benefits EVERY TIME?????????

    i think because we are on benefits and really fucking struggling - to the extent at the moment that without HS vouchers we'd be going hungry this week, that when i see the lack of empathy, the fact that there are plenty of people out there who aren't inherently nasty who would quite happily rip them up and leave us without anything, it makes me want to cry.
    what did we do to deserve such a vendetta? how do they know we're scrounging scum who have never worked a day in our lives? why assume things about people you don't know???? my partner can't find work because he is OVER QUALIFIED. because the govt is making cuts to protect their precious taxes, so jobs get cut. we can't win can we. then the worse comments are the ones about you shouldn't have had a baby then if you can't afford it. wht if you lost your job when pregnant? should you be forced to abort? is it best to smother the baby when it's born rather than ask for the meagre help that you get????? WTF PEOPLE. get a sense of fucking perspective.

    The previous (previous) Pope warned us to be careful of abusing aid; we provide just enough to make them dependent on us, but not enough to make them equal. This is a form of false charity, and not so very different from colonialism.

    I agree that people who have not "been there" don't really totally understand - which is why the best Mental Health Nurses/Samaritans or Mind Volunteers are the ones who have been through some really dark shit and can relate to what is going on.

    If you lost one of your legs, would you say that only a one-legged doctor was competent to understand your situation and help you?
    Obviously not! I have no doubt that mental health is taken less seriously than physical problems, and people's attitudes in this regard often stink, but I wonder if going in with the attitude that they cannot understand or help you does not perpetuate the problem? You have yourself decided that mental health problems are different from physical because you need a nurse who has had the same problem, whereas no one would consider this necessary for physical ailments.
    Good medical training should mean that a nurse does not need to have been mentally ill to help. Arguably, if the nurse *has* had mental problems, this could be said to colour the diagnosis, or even, if not completely cured, to impinge.

    sensi the parcel for kelly weighs about the same so is just over a fiver too. i can take things out if that is too much tho

    epona do you still want the boys stuff?

    sorry that took a while. how much stuff do you want epona? i have a parcel for you that comes to £5.30 all 3-6 month thngs. some of it is blue or green tie dye things i thought you might like

    i never used anything on my face for years and years and my skin was always lovely and smooth and nice(not wearing make up probably helped that)... but after accummulated presents of facial washes/creams etc (in sets lol i don't think i was being hinted at that i have a dirty face!) i decided to use some of them. and they always whatever they are make my skin worse. then better after a few days. then worse when i stop.
    same with moisturiser anywhere else. but i needed it when pregnant as i got really really dry and itchy and would have exploded without help. even when i did explode and a baby popped out i was still itchy and dry (and covered in stretch marks) for ages and various creams have helped that. calendula is EPIC. much better than petrochemically stuff i was prescribed. (and smells nicer). Baby has just been prescribed petrochemicals for dry skin on tummy :( Seems counterproductive as surely they don't let skin heal itself. But then I don't want her sore and without someone saying otherwise I will use them :(
    But I agree overall. Sorry for that ramble im in typing mode and can't stop aagh

    i planted tomatoes and strawberries yesterday as well an petunias and pansies in the house. i've tried putting them straight out before but they've never grown :( Got some freesias to put in a pot too soon, got some compost today.
    Bought my OH a subscription to Gardeners World for Valentines Day so been getting lots of tips from that. we've got so many seeds to plant now! always got some herbs on the go on the windowsill but looking forward to making a proper veg patch and growing peas and beans and spinach and peppers... !! It'll be so good for baby to see where things come from and be able to pick them herself too.
    (Though I bet the cat joins in. She destroyed the peas when we tried in last house and she hardly ever goes out now but the when she did for the first time in ages the first thing she did was dig a bulb up O.o )