Singles club

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  • Ok if your single tell all about life, this looming bomb the c bomb looming with its advertising and the buzz that will wain in those dark months of jan and feb. Its kind of a prep yourselves chin up kind of (pma) thread.

    I am prepping mentally, but liking being busy with my work, so lets have this thread as a club the single club, non singles can chip in but really its a self help thread for loners,

    so plans.. there isn't any sod it,

    xmas tv? throw it in the garden next time a lewis advert appears,

    pub? possibly, well maybe,

    sea swim,, might do,

    walk, maybe head for a mountain but that takes organising,

    bike yeah maybe,

    flight to somewhere,, nah ill help the climate this year,

    work nah minimum in jan, sod it,

    dinner with family... as much as will try desperately to avoid it I will be sucked into it like a vortex of family competitiveness kids and chrismas best and silly hats, egos, and general family pecking order.

    Mates,, well the few I have I will look up especially the single ones having a tough time, all the rest can do one they never bother with me unless they want something.

    so tell us your plans, as I am a single bloke given up looking like a lumbering dinosaur. I ve found out look after yourself then look out for others, you are important you can only look after you no one else will that makes you tougher more resilient in life possibly more selfish but you do relish conversation with complete strangers.

    Ahh challenges afoot,.

    1 talk to a complete stranger,

    2 make two decisions don't procrastinate then flip a coin, love doing that, I ve done that many a new year on where to head off to.

    3 be there as always for mates and an very old lad I know who struggle with the c time.

    There 3 things to do that arnt sodding resolutions there fairly easy sod Christmas, all my nephs and nie s are getting a coin in there cards like I used to or a selection box, bloody going on.

  • Dunno really Gee.

    I've become so accustomed to being single and the disappointments of relationships that I no longer want to be available.

    I do believe that every human wants to be loved.... Whatever that means (I don't know what it means).

    I find that I don't much care for the memories that I hold of intimate relationships....dont want to ride those roller coasters again!

    Hmmm.... Its not that I didn't try to hook an attractive individual from time to time... Its simply that it didn't happen and to express it with a fully fledged cliche:-

    Perhaps things really do work out for the best.

  • I think most people would like a soul mate to share life with,to love/be loved by. I think a lot of people reach a stage when relationships have failed (or theyve not ever had one) and start feeling that its never going to happen.

    Never say never,but realistically youre better off looking at life by yourself and being totally happy and comfortable with that and happy in your own space.

    If you meet someone, thats all good,but don't waste your life hankering for something you may not get.

    Ive had plenty of relationships long and short term and i know im equally as responsible in some of them for their failures.

    No regrets though, you do what seems best at the time.

    I also know i dont like my life long self reliance and independence ive had since a child being compromised so maybe im just not made for full time relationships.

    Thats totally different to committment and loyalty. I have plenty of those just not flexible enough to have my decision making done for me or having to gain permission,approval or compromise.

    Thats part why ive been single for 14 years and im ok with that.The other part is meeting anyone who likes my lifestyle or would accept it or my fiercely independent character kind of limits possibilities, which im also ok with.

    Like with smoking i gave up quite a while ago and dont miss,I equally dont miss not having a least no more than fleetingly. I think occasionally it would be nice to share something with a partner then think of all the other implications /complications of sharing life and space and the urge to share life with someone evaporates as fast as when the idea popped in my head.

    I think being motivated by your life and interested in and having a sense of purpose and achievement when youre living life is far more important than dwelling on finding a partner or on whats missing from your life.

    If youre unhappy with your life and feel what you do is meaningless just because youre single then having a partner wont necessarily change that at all. Expecting another person to make your life feel relevant and your life meaningful is a big ask and probably an unreasonable expectation.

    Im content with my life,that does not mean im totally happy -who is? And who is happy all the time? That's just unsustainable and unrealistic,life doesnt work that way.

    The reasons im not happy are my problems to solve,not someone else and wont be solved by the presence of someone else.

    I miss my dog a whole lot every day.. My ex's, much less if at all.

    Di occhi belli ne è pieno il mondo,ma di occhi che ti guardano con sincerità e amore, c'è ne sono pochi. :hippy:

    The post was edited 1 time, last by NomadicRT ().

  • I reckon I'm an addict. This does mean I have a blinkered outlook and can be overly sentimental.

    Luckily for me my chemical (???) addictions have never developed much beyond alcohol, nicotine, weed, anti depressants and strong antihistamines.

    My potential emotional addictions are something else.... and whilst I am grown up enough to display some vulnerabilities and vain enough to be addicted to the idea of falling in love I cant handle the heartbreak.

  • Gee

    It's all out there....for Sure this seasonal shit fest of greedy plundering gets in the way.

    If you are taking January off and have some coins you can do whatever you fancy.

    Fair weather, cold weather, hot weather, mountain, beach and glade... Its all out there if you want to travel and you can employ guides or join small guided groups for relatively little money if you book on location.

    You could have a staycation or even a holiday filled with sex workers.

    If you have coin you can do whatever takes your fancy but none of it will substitute for the void.

  • This is great, when your single you assume your on your own, your somehow a fek up, an odd ball, maybe this is true, but never thought of this as a help group, but its good. I ve messed up two many relationships, to count, lot of time having a very low opion of myself, as a young lad, or thinking there was always something better round the corner and finishing things not gving things time. I was working with a lad the other day he says its worse now, the tinder generation, literally most hooks ups last either a week or 2 before there bored and swipe left or right or whatever you do nowadays, its like theres women literally in the palm of your hand he showed me photos on his phone, god it was like a fashion show filters and god knows what, no one goes to the pub to chat now they meet up after being on each others profiles for a week or so. In one way its good that you get to know someone in anther its kind of fake.

    He was aying most people his age seem to be on there own, he was 29.

    funny world,

    Good look fellow singles, be you happy as you are or not , I guess keep looking, or not,

  • I dont use dating sites,i had a brief spell on a couple of them years back but got bored.I dont do bored very long.

    Ive a couple of friends who use Tinder all the time and theyre always asking my opinions of potential suitors. It all looks very creepy.

    Personally i detest the whole internet dating principle.Its like catalogue shopping. I also think there is too high a temptation to be dishonest and avoid facts that may turn someone off or to only post photos that show a dater in the best light (and usually considerably younger and slimmer)

    It also makes people far to picky and dismissive of people who dont 'tick the right boxes' or are just not good at writing positively about themselves.

    The majority of real relationships begin with people met at work place or via leisure activities and is still probably the best way to meet and form relationships.

    Online is ok if youre limited by your remote location maybe but i cant see much else that's positive about it.

    Di occhi belli ne è pieno il mondo,ma di occhi che ti guardano con sincerità e amore, c'è ne sono pochi. :hippy:

  • I am now confused.

    I thought that Zendaze was Gee's new name and if that is the case then why is he talking to himself [panic]

    If I am wrong,then please excuse the mis-ubnderstanding :insane:

  • What did zendaze's name used to be then ?

    As I said it may be a mis-understanding but the two just jumped out at me as being the same,though I may be right off track.

    If you guys are the same person, just to let you know that I applaud talking to yourself on a public forum,despite what people say I think talking to oneself is the first sign of sanity :-)

    Hope that all is well with you emmer and that you have had no more black outs since your paragliding scare !

  • Ha no as far as I know i've been fully conscious since :P Could be wrong, but I think Zendanze has always been Zendanze and Gee is one of the old crew was about years ago when i first joined.

  • Glad to hear that you have been fully concious since,though I do hope you sleep soon :-)

    There is something in the back of my mind with Zendaze posting saying that I am Zendaze who used to be Gee on the old site. My old mind is not what it once was however so I may well be wrong. Maybe taking chemicals is actually good for the mind :eek:

    Am off back to the van now to give serious thought to my entire existence :-)

  • So far back as I can remember, these have always been two separate guys, IC.

    And I've been on here a few years now.

    Zendaze has always been zendaze, and Gee has always been gee.

    I think I even had the honour of meeting one of them, Zendaze, at a Dovedale gathering, back in 2016 or 2017, maybe?

  • So far back as I can remember, these have always been two separate guys, IC.

    And I've been on here a few years now.

    Zendaze has always been zendaze, and Gee has always been gee.

    I think I even had the honour of meeting one of them, Zendaze, at a Dovedale gathering, back in 2016 or 2017, maybe?

    You think you had the honour of meeting one of them !!!

    I think me,you and Emmer all need to start taking Ginkgo biloba and Ginseng to aid our memories :-)

  • I can confirm that I am not gee and never was. I think I've always been zendaze on this forum. I do take ginko and ginseng when I remember to buy them😉. Despite this self care I cannot say for certain that I was always zendaze.... Only 96% ish sure of it.

    I did have the pleasure of meeting oldKeith and Marian at dovedale in the not so distant past👍

  • You sound more sure about the meeting than Keith :-)

    96 percent works for me as that is about the same statistic as it is for me being sure that I am me :-)

    True what you say above about remembering to buy them. I take a ten day course of ginseng a few times a year , but quite a few years ago when I did buy some Gingko I kept forgetting to take them. Will say that after a couple of months of them my memory did appear better and I also have hardly had tinnitus since. Great as the tinnitus was over bearing for years.

    Bonne Dimanche xx

  • Ah this single lark, I've been single for nigh on 5 years and to be honest, all in all am loving it. I have had long stretches of being single in my life and they have been the greatest time of learning as in learning about the deeper inner machinations of the self, you cannot do this while in a relationship to the depths you can when flying solo. It's what has made me learn who I really am without having to be a version of my self in others company. There is a term that you cannot really know your true self unless you have lived with your self, when I type your self with a gap, it has a different connotation than yourself. The self is the inner you, this needs careful work to help it bloom and grow and manisfest the best in you, only you can do this and it takes time being on your own to know this. I only know this because I have done it, try talking to someone about this who has never lived on their own for long periods is like telling a snail it can fly.

    I have had all sorts of weird and wonderful relationships, never had a lack of sex in relationships and have properly filled my boots over the years so have experienced the full gammit of realtionships and flings. When I see people in relationaships I look at them and I ask, are they truly happy, do they have what single people are looking for, and do you know the answer, well here it is, on the most part, no they do not have what single people are looking for as single people have rose tinted glasses syndrome when dreaming about being in a relationship and no for a lot of the time they are not happy, I see it all the time, they are together for the sake of being together so they are not on their own. Being with someone in a relationship is not a cure for inner loneliness or unhappyness / out of balance with the self. Only yourself can heal that, other people can help but its not a cure all. It is not very often I see a couple that really have that true spark of energy and shining inner light about them from being together.

    If you was to count the amount of males and females out there, by the law of averages there would be someone for everyone but there are buts that personal likes and dislikes, compatibility etc that come into play, I would imagine that say out of every ten females, there might, just might be one that would be the one but I doubt it, might even be one in 50. I know I'm quite choosy which everyone has the right to be. One factor that is on the cards is booze and pubs, cant be doing with either and dont like beig around drunk people, thats because I dont drink now so I wont go out with a boozer which is limiting in choice but also my party habits and activities dont suit a lot of females, I like going out for a meal as long as it isnt a piss up. Also another factor which folk tell me off for not entertaining, I'm a fit active healthy just over 9 stone and not skeletal 53 year old, I'm certainly not being rude or sizeist trust me but large ladies do not fit in or cope with my activity levels. I've found like for like size wise works best in a relationship.

    Lastly at the end of the day, if you dont truly love yourself and love being you then how can anyone else truly love you.

  • I would have no qualms taking My money to a prostitute. Enjoy exactly what I’d paid for. Then return to my self directed lifestyle if I were single.

    All the bullshit that comes with sacrifices > “sharing everything” including time/Space/responsibilities. Furthermore complying and suppressing your own personal views, wants, needs in the pursuit of harmony and a loving peaceful relationship, seems like a high price to pay for a “safe shag” a warm bed and company.

    What is nice in a healthy loving relationship but “never really considered, appreciated” untill it’s too late is the reciprocated “love” these partners feel for us! Where any pain, hurt we my fear from our vulnerability whist in a relationship our partners also fear for themselves. Their sacrifices, (see above) is part of the commitment to maintaining the healthy, sustainable loving relationship.

    What we are all in tune with is the “love” we seek to relish from within a relationship. The same “love” that tears your heart out if or when it goes wrong.
    You can’t be happy all the time, so enjoy the times you are happy.

  • Buy one get one free?, no!! if your single buy one get it half friggin price, power to the singles pound, make me president of the USA and I will give you free .........

    Hopefully it’s a repitable brothel and not the supermarket type next door to the soup kitchen. I don’t think they do “try before you buy.” Although tyre kicking is expected for returning punters. :D Oh the joys of being un-attached. :reddevil: