What are you looking for?

  • Ugh!


    I'm game....


    Space. Time. Solitude. Intimacy.......all of those as and when the mood takes me.


    My very own quarters to relax and sleep and ablute within.


    Dealbreakers would be outside of the above.


    Fickle fuckers us humans are. Hence the growing number of single person households.

  • (Probably) for the single people. But what are you looking for and what are the deal breakers?

    To open up this question you put, would it be fair to expand it and say what are you looking for in a person and what are the deal breakers as far as heading into a relationship goes.


    I know what would suit me perfectly well but as we know, perfect resides in the head as a fantasy. There are some things that would suit and some that wouldnt. For me, phew, it stumps me sometimes, I know there are things I would stuggle with, someone who is into alcohol culture and going to pubs for a piss up or drinking sessions elsewhere isnt for me, as Zendaze sais, own space is important, as is time and solitude. Argumentative types are off the cards. Comprimise is part and parcel of forming a new relationship but expecting far too much change is off, I've worked damn hard throughout life at becoming me and am well comfy with that so would like to think that would be a positive for someone.


    The minutiae side of things need some compatibility although not necessarily deal breakers, Compatibiltiy in things like music tastes for home listening and festivals needs to be there, a clash in music tastes from polar opposites is hard for me, even if it was a person who I could really be with, if they were an opera fan or a traditional folk music fan, I would really struggle with that as music is something a couple shares. I once delved into a few months with someone and they liked going to pubs and drinking where there was morris men performing, went once to show willing, didnt happen again.


    Loud lairy exhibitionism usually associated with alcohol culture is a deal breaker. another one is in me home life, I am deffo not a night owl, at a festival when off it and dancin in front of a thumping sound system is a different matter, but in the average everyday life around my truck,

    night owlism every night that is something thats part of someones personality and make up doesnt work with me, there are natural night owl types and I am not one of them, occasionally is ok, having own space is the comprimise for that one.

  • As far as i can read into your reply, it isnt going to come to you, there's a big wide world out there and to be shown/see/find something else, I feel it would be fair to say you would not go far wrong by getting out there and start going places and doing stuff, Festivals are a good place to start, at the type of event that would suit you as in music and entertainment tastes goes, you'll find a field full of like minded folk to mix with , got to start the ball rolling somewhere. That happened to me, went to my first festival in mid eighties, discovered a whole raft of folk that lived in buses,trucks and trailors, got totally wowed and blown away and havent looked back since,jumped in feet first as I got immersed into something I felt I had been looking for.

  • ummmm corporate-type who works too hard . . . wizardluv gives good advice, you need to get out there and find what you want.


    But something tells me you are not 'selling' yourself right. You have a nice pic, there's an easy smile there - so: "corporate-type who works too hard", I have a feeling there is a better description for you - or maybe you are working too hard . . . which swings right back round to wizardluv's advice - hopefully, you have those festival bookings to look forward to. (Or ceramics classes.) :)

  • Indeed, so I’m a corporate type who works too hard but hasn’t quite drunk the Koolaid.


    I’d like... well someone who could show me something else.

    Drinking the Koolaid is not as gloom as it's made out to be. The Ken Kesey version is a whole lot better 😀

    Working in a corporate environment sounds like torture to me, but when you retire, you'll have the money to enjoy life with a Zimmer frame 😉

  • what are you looking for and what are the deal breakers?

    The ideal woman for me would be drug-free, vegan and childless, without being closed down to the idea of having them at some point -- so ideally younger than me too.


    However, if you're in good shape and a decent human being then I'm open to surprises.


    Loyalty and monogamy go without saying.


    Height, skin colour, social class and income are all secondary to me.


    Biggest deal breaker would be intersectional or radical feminism - or viewing everything through a Marxist lens of privilege vs oppression - so if you're trying to "smash the patriarchy" or like to remind people to "check their privilege" then I'd rather shove rusty nails up my arse. :eek:

  • This is true. I guess there is natural tension between taking well thought out meaningful actions and procrastination. There is probably a formula somewhere for the ideal amount of planning.

    The natiral tension I see in most folk is the struggle of 'should I' or 'shouldnt I'. Unfortunately most folk are swayed by what freinds and family think about a hatched plan to do something pretty way out or off kilter. There probably is a formula for planning but a life change etc cant really be pinpointed to such precision as formula's, scientists need formulas to send a rocket into space. It's much more fluid that that, a lot of the time it's down to opportunities and how bad someone really wants to do something, its not like walking into a travel againts and booking a holiday. You said about 'someone to show you something else, have you any ideas further than that as to what you would like to do. Thats a major one, deciding what it is. Are you after a complete life change and getting out of city corporate life or broadening the horizons and weaving something different into the life you have or say just taking a year out. As an example, picking something like wanting to learn permaculture with a view to having your own bit of land, start reading about it, finding out where folk practice permaculture, visiting them, booking courses, going to permaculture events, this all leads to building up opportunities that come your way to go do it, this applies to anything and everything someone may want to do with their life. I wouldnt call it planning but rather set the ball rolling.

  • I'm quite open to a wide range of people but like everyone do have few deal breakers, if feel they are all rather reasonable and realistic;


    - No relatively young men young say 40 who don't have children already. (I do not want any more children and am too old anyway).


    - No drugs.


    - Must be at least 5ft 9 . Sorry, I'm allowed one shallow one, I literally cannot cope with be taller than a guy.


    - Must be reasonably healthy weight and not a total couch potato. Don't need muscle bound gym guy, just not total muscle atrophy guy, lol. Don't mind a bit of a 'I like my food' belly, lol.


    Amanda

  • - No relatively young men young say 40 who don't have children already. (I do not want any more children and am too old anyway).

    Not that im looking, but why are the children a prerequisite? Im 45, have no kids (that i am aware of) and have no interest in ever having any - i can't be the only one!

    You can only accomplish your object in life by complete disregard of the opinions of other people.

  • Your not the only one Rick69, I'm 52 and have never wanted, felt the need and it's just not in my make up and have never felt biologically driven. The hard part through life when a bloke knows he does not want kids is finding a female partner who is certain sure they do not want any either.

  • Honestly,I thought hippies made good economists !!!!


    The six nations offers 15 great games of rugby and if you wanted a Ist class place you would be looking at 80 quid a ticket. Take her tickets and sell them you will be quids in with a face value alone of 1200 GBP !!!


    Do you not realize how many lentils that would buy :broc:

  • I don't know if this provides any sort of answer, but I do have a few thoughts on the subject of relationship compatibility. Through two long relationships and a few other close encounters, I have realised that I appreciate being allowed my own journey through life. I do not own anyone and am not anyone's property and feel no need to conform to any demands another person might think they want to make. If I am in tune I will do what is good for both of us. I know I feel driven to do things that attracted confrontation, abuse, rebuttal and rejection in my previous thirty-year relationship. Through withdrawing from writing, composing, performing and from friendships I lost a lot of myself over those decades and suffered mental health problems as a consequence.


    It is a real eye-opener to be in a relationship (now coming up to sixteen years) with someone is not afraid to have a life of their own, who can show he loves me for the person I am, not some fantasy demanded by an allegiance to a religious or political affiliation. I guess my partner is my muse in that not only does he directly inspire a lot of my work, but also creates the conditions for me to carry on. I can let him encourage me to write, practise and rehearse, because he knows I know I want to be able to feel satisfaction in what I do. I love having a partner who is also very creative in a range of endeavours, who achieves amazing things and of whom I can feel genuinely proud in those achievements and yet neither of us feel any need to be in competition. I love that we can both sense when the other needs us in their space and when the other needs a bit of space to work through something. I like who I am when he is around.


    Silly example, perhaps; after fifty years of vegetarianism I have this year decided to stop making excuses and to go the extra mile into veganism. He has not complained at all and probably reads food labels even more carefully than I do to make sure my wish is not compromised.


    Someone mentioned musical differences. I celebrate those as does he. I would not have given Strauss, Offenbach, the jazz crooners or 70s disco much space in my life before meeting him. He would have been unlikely to have listened to much contemporary "modernistic" jazz, discordant classical composition or guitar-based rock before attending concerts with me. Thankfully we had enough in common to create the spaces where we could share as we explored each others' interests, which have broadened our own.


    There is probably a whole research paper that could be carried out on why our relationship just seems to work, but that's probably enough to be going on with.

  • I'm not sure that having anything at all in common is important although it is nice if you enjoy some of the same things, as long as you both have the ability to accept what the other likes and feels it should all work out just fine.

    I'm very strange and while it'd be nice for a partner to enjoy that she only really has to accept that's just how i am and we could get on with life just fine i reckon. :D:reddevil:

  • Not that im looking, but why are the children a prerequisite? Im 45, have no kids (that i am aware of) and have no interest in ever having any - i can't be the only one!

    Yes many men have no interest in having children but I'm cautious around those who are relatively young still (in their 30's) who say that, I mean ... we all know how easy it is to change one's mind and the younger you are the more likely it is that a change of heart could come about.


    Also ... men have a habit of saying whatever they think you want to hear when they are blinded by just getting what they want right now, with little thought to the future and so I would always take such claims from a pursuing man with a pinch of salt. Yes for some it's just the reality, but for many, they will really just say anything they need to say.


    I just see it as an area perhaps for me to be very careful about when considering young-ish partners, I'd hate to be years into a relationship and a guy suddenly start realising that he does want kids after all :/

  • Your not the only one Rick69, I'm 52 and have never wanted, felt the need and it's just not in my make up and have never felt biologically driven. The hard part through life when a bloke knows he does not want kids is finding a female partner who is certain sure they do not want any either.

    Similar difficulty to my own ... you really do need to feel reasonably sure that person is not about to change their mind in the future.


    I mean there are no guarantees of anyone changing their mind about anything, but it's an area to be very careful about if you are certain you don't want children. Or in my case, that I don't want any 'more' children.