Judged for being childless

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  • read again. I'm evolving....thought and reflection take a little time and you have taken my post a bit too personally whilst fixating on a mysoginism that was never there.


    Sure I speak out of turn at times but I'm a genuine learner and don't carry such heartfelt arrogance.


    I'm fallible. I get called out on it. I reflect on it.

  • You seem like a bit of a bully cricket.


    Do you place your kids under such pressure without allowing them time to think and reflect?


    If you want to kick the shit out of me I'll gladly come and meet you for a reasonable face to face chat first.


    Anything to prevent your kids being subjected to such hating.

  • I think, people judge 'childfree' adults simply because deep down they're jealous!

    To have the ability to do, say and go wherever you want! Even worse is being childfree, and 9-5 work free, and house and debt free!

    Then comes the glint in the eye, and the comments that 'you're obviously running from something'!

  • I think, people judge 'childfree' adults simply because deep down they're jealous!

    To have the ability to do, say and go wherever you want! Even worse is being childfree, and 9-5 work free, and house and debt free!

    Then comes the glint in the eye, and the comments that 'you're obviously running from something'!

    I’m sure you will come across some people who like you say, are jealous. Equally you will find many genuinely concerned folk who “really think” you are missing out and the clocks ticking.

    Just as there’s those individuals who “think, know, believe” that time, opportunity may be simply slipping away, going against them. There’s also a lot of people who simply don’t think before they speak. Making conversation for the sake of it and upsetting/offending individuals in doing so. Aunties, family friends, nosey neighbours, jealous pals etc

  • I think, people judge 'childfree' adults simply because deep down they're jealous!

    To have the ability to do, say and go wherever you want! Even worse is being childfree, and 9-5 work free, and house and debt free!

    Then comes the glint in the eye, and the comments that 'you're obviously running from something'!

    Could be right there. I love my boy and couldn't imagine life without him now, but gotta say he's probably the only reason I don't just dissappear into the distance most days! 8o??

  • I think, people judge 'childfree' adults simply because deep down they're jealous!

    To have the ability to do, say and go wherever you want! Even worse is being childfree, and 9-5 work free, and house and debt free!

    Then comes the glint in the eye, and the comments that 'you're obviously running from something'!

    I do not see why some folk in society are obsessed with re-producing, I often wonder if some are doing it just to keep up with others, as becoming a parent is still a type of milestone to pass in society, along with getting a mortgage and a good career. There still seems to be this expectation in society that people conform and become parents, which is probably why people who are not parents get judged, because they are not conforming to some old fashioned ideal of having a family.

  • Although I am and always have been adamant that I don't want kids I'm sure that I would feel differently if we lived in an 'ideal world'.

    I do have those maternal feelings (though not as strongly as many other women). I have been known to feel a little flutter in my chest when presented with a friends new baby and I instantly fell in love with each of my 10 nieces and nephews when they were born but the worry and feelings of guilt would far outweigh any happiness that having a child would give me.

    I had a lovely childhood and was fortunate enough to be born into a large and very loving family but this doesn't alter the fact that I didn't ask to be here and given the choice now I would ask not to have been born. I almost feel slightly resentful towards my parents which I feel terribly guilty about as they are wonderful people but life is hard and I have more bad times than good (not complaining or seeking sympathy for that, just stating a fact). They chose to have me because they wanted a baby and now I'm here living a life that I would rather not be and I had no say in the matter at all.

    Does anyone else feel the same about this or is it just me being a miserable sod?

  • Although I am and always have been adamant that I don't want kids I'm sure that I would feel differently if we lived in an 'ideal world'.

    I do have those maternal feelings (though not as strongly as many other women). I have been known to feel a little flutter in my chest when presented with a friends new baby and I instantly fell in love with each of my 10 nieces and nephews when they were born but the worry and feelings of guilt would far outweigh any happiness that having a child would give me.

    I had a lovely childhood and was fortunate enough to be born into a large and very loving family but this doesn't alter the fact that I didn't ask to be here and given the choice now I would ask not to have been born. I almost feel slightly resentful towards my parents which I feel terribly guilty about as they are wonderful people but life is hard and I have more bad times than good (not complaining or seeking sympathy for that, just stating a fact). They chose to have me because they wanted a baby and now I'm here living a life that I would rather not be and I had no say in the matter at all.

    Does anyone else feel the same about this or is it just me being a miserable sod?

    That sounds quite similar to how I feel about life and things. I had a lovely childhood as well but there were many times, especially in my 20's, where I'd be walking home from a job I hated wondering why anyone would have kids. In my mind, it seemed selfish to have children as you raise kids that have to survive in a world that is hard work and exhausting a lot of the time.


    I don't feel like that so much these days, I focused on living a more simple life and that sorted me quite a lot but it never really altered how I felt about having kids. Both my siblings decided not to have children as well so perhaps there was just something in the water....


    I don't judge other people for having kids, each to their own. Though I do think it's irresponsible when people have large families.

  • I do not see why some folk in society are obsessed with re-producing, I often wonder if some are doing it just to keep up with others, as becoming a parent is still a type of milestone to pass in society, along with getting a mortgage and a good career. There still seems to be this expectation in society that people conform and become parents, which is probably why people who are not parents get judged, because they are not conforming to some old fashioned ideal of having a family.

    I’m not so sure this “expectation” is as universal as some imply. The “old school” generally think marriage, home, family. Where today’s generation may avoid marriage and the “expected” following children, but still enter the house/home buying together in a business arrangement.

  • I’m not so sure this “expectation” is as universal as some imply. The “old school” generally think marriage, home, family. Where today’s generation may avoid marriage and the “expected” following children, but still enter the house/home buying together in a business arrangement.

    But today's generation still get pressured by the previous generation to do the same. Normally seems to be peoples parents who are desperate to become grandparents.

  • But today's generation still get pressured by the previous generation to do the same. Normally seems to be peoples parents who are desperate to become grandparents.

    That’s probably true, something reassuring about handing the kids back when they’ve had enough. Plus there comes a time when looking after young-ens simply wears us midlifers out. It’s not so bad when we grandparents were young and full of spunk/life. I admit I have been looking forward to looking after my grandkids well before their time.

  • But today's generation still get pressured by the previous generation to do the same. Normally seems to be peoples parents who are desperate to become grandparents.

    No pressure in our house!And we were'nt desparate to become grandparents either!We're in 2018,not 195o's!

  • I'm trying to work out what caused the name calling but I'm knackered and recapping feels like hard work - it all seems a bit unnecessary though :/


    Whether we like it or not, every person brought into this world will have an impact upon it -- we all have a carbon footprint and humans are basically shit .. so, choosing not to have kids feels like a more ethical choice.


    However, I fully understand why people feel so driven by their need -- sometimes I want kids, most of the time I'm relieved that I don't. I never chose to be child free; I've just been very cautious not to want them with the wrong person.


    Even if you bring your kids up to be the most ethical, conscious beings ever, there's no guarantee they'll adopt the same values when they grow up.


  • Are you sure that you are addressing two individual people with separate posting accounts having it out or just one person with multiple accounts?


    Maybe it's one person with multiple accounts arguing with another poster or against themselves?

    No one could possibly manage that.it would take far too much mental agility and memory.So do you think Zendaze is Cricket or is Cricket Zendaze or maybe we are you?Are Zendaze and Cricket really Nebula Chi having some sort of intercranial episode?Is the earth flat after all?A conundrum indeed.Or maybe Zendaze and Cricket really do exist as separate entities who find relating to each others perception of reality a torment so they resort to banter that actually is only that.?Or maybe Nebula Chi has read too many conspiracy theories and paranoia has taken a hold upon reason?^^

  • However, I fully understand why people feel so driven by their need -- sometimes I want kids, most of the time I'm relieved that I don't. I never chose to be child free; I've just been very cautious not to want them with the wrong person.


    Even if you bring your kids up to be the most ethical, conscious beings ever, there's no guarantee they'll adopt the same values when they grow up.


    Its not an issue.neither party feels aggrieved,just as gypsy said,playground squable.tis nothing Paul.Caution is good.It transpired that the partner with whom i procreated was not a wise choice in the long run and you cant reverse stuff about such an important thing as bringing another soul into being.I did bring them up to be ethical conscious beings,however i underestimated their individual personas interacting with their individual experiences and things were not always how i had hoped.Can but try and also need accept that they have a right to their own unique path,whether parents agree with their choices or not.A very difficult call watching progeny making mistakes and having to stand back while they do so.=O