Judged for being childless

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  • I was trying to raise some awareness in my childs mind as to why i considered they were not pulling their weight and why i felt like a servant.I made a list to put on the wall.The columns read,,1/,what mum does for me,,,and 2/ what i do for mum...Whilst my column was overflowing my darling sprog wrote just one thing in their column...."I made my bed" Despite a lot of chat i still was unable to make child see that was not "for mum" at all.:rolleyes:

  • I was trying to raise some awareness in my childs mind as to why i considered they were not pulling their weight and why i felt like a servant.I made a list to put on the wall.The columns read,,1/,what mum does for me,,,and 2/ what i do fro mum...Whilst my column was overflowing my darling sprog wrote just one thing in their column...."I made my bed" Despite a lot of chat i still was unable to make child see that was not "for mum" at all.:rolleyes:

    She sounds like a typical teenager!

  • I was trying to raise some awareness in my childs mind as to why i considered they were not pulling their weight and why i felt like a servant.I made a list to put on the wall.The columns read,,1/,what mum does for me,,,and 2/ what i do for mum...Whilst my column was overflowing my darling sprog wrote just one thing in their column...."I made my bed" Despite a lot of chat i still was unable to make child see that was not "for mum" at all.:rolleyes:

    If you feel like a servant to your child then focus on doing the basics that really NEED to be done. When your child (teen?) starts to complain then tell them to do it. If they don't know how to do it then take them through the steps involved in doing it. Training and delegation like a Manager of a business. :)


    Then when you child successfully completes task and shows learning then praise them.


    If they have missed or done something wrong in the task them go over the part, communicate and redo the steps again with them.


    Don't do what my Aunt used to do. Sending me on my bike to Sainsbury's to get shopping. She enjoyed moaning about me getting the wrong size and shape of round lettuce. The lettuce wasn't for the Queen, minor royalty or a celebrity. It wasn't for a human it was for a rabbit.


    I don't remember hearing any expression of dissatisfaction from my rabbit over the lettuce. He was too busy defending the garden from the invading cats.

  • Most people I know who are parents always seem to be either stressed, tired or skint, in no specific order. I just do not see the appeal of becoming one:insane:[panic]

    You don't have to have kids to be stressed tired or skint!I don't have any kids living at home now,but sometimes I wish I could be zapped back into a time frame when my kids were small.I absolutely loved those times!For the record,before I had kids,I did'nt feel maternal at all really.I was immersed into the biker/bikie community,leading a pretty rough type lifestyle. l then met my husband,later on had kids,and took to being a Mum like a duck to water!I surprised myself!

  • So true Cobra - many people presume my life is a fairytale, because I didn't spawn.


    I CAN STILL BE BROKE, STRESSED AND MISERABLE! I will not let them take that from me too.


    Childfree - Zen is correct. I was so happy when I heard that phrasing a few years ago. Childless, made it seem I was missing something.


    If you Reddit - http://www.reddit.com/r/childfree


    Aside from a few moments of insanity, I've always been childfree. During those moments, I like to stay in bed for and extra hour and just smile to myself :)


    Have also had my fair share of 'one day you'll regret it comments. I reply - one day your children will leave you in a care home. How sad.


    Or my favourite - one day you'll learn to mind your own business - wouldn't that be great for the planet.


    I can't have children, thank fuck, not that I tell people. I tell them to fuck off. Asking them why they're so fascinated by my vagina, also works.


    Actually, thinking about the way I respond to these people, I feel I'm doing a service, because they won't be bothering anyone else again!


    Keep strong. And remember in time of doubt - have a nap and smell how quiet it is :)

  • My youngest daughter does'nt want children,and thats fine by me.Its a totally individual decision,and I get it.If you wanted kids but can't have them,then I feel for you too.

    As for the care home?Well tbh that can happen to anyone,whether you have kids or not.

    Funnily enough,now when we go on holiday (Just husband and I)we prefer adult only hotels where possible.Its just so much better without any screaming ankle biters around!lol

  • She sounds like a typical teenager!

    With respect....do you have or have ever seen teen children in their own environment?Training a teenager is far more extreme than training a bunny or a lovey hound.Do you think i am daft?The chart was an "at end of my tether" attempt.You have not mentioned...hormones,brain fog...boundry attacks by young stag on old matriarch,tempting teen girls..all of which infest the teen mind.Internet switch off is the most effective tool.However punishment never engenders grace nor compassion for the afflicted as the teen mind is not connected to this planet mostly.^^^^^^

  • I don't get it.


    You've chosen to bring children into your household and this world and expect that they should do things for you.


    Society concedes that the world is so complex that younguns require at least 10 -15 years of intense recieved education.


    So, on top, of your kids not asking to be born they are subject to shitty schooling and homework and having very little say or control over family life and you want to blame them because you are the victim???

  • You seem to misunderstand the point.Do you have teenagers or children you have actually lived with?IRaising a child who is not independant.?That is why parents are there to nurture the young until they are independant.A female tending every need adinfinitum is teaching male chauvinism.Do you think women should forever ever tend the needs of males?That says what?

  • Err no.


    I was highlighting that parenthood is a choice in which the children have no say.


    I was implying that this complex world requires a lot of personal evolution/revolution/development of younguns and further implied that it is universally understood that adaptation takes a long time.


    As the world becomes more populous and more complex and sophisticated its clear that 'childhood' is becoming a more lengthy process.


    No. I do not have children. I do not want to subject innocents to this shitty world and I am in the right thread to express just that.


    Parents are there because they chose to be parents....it's a privelidge not a right.


    I understand that parents need to vent and learn but a thread about possible victimisation of the child free is not the place to do it.

  • I was thinking about this thread today while i was gardening.


    Why is it more important to pass a driving test, than it is to breed a new human child?

    What sane person would want more than 2 children?

    Why do parents take their children to places where everyone has to suffer the nightmare?

    And then i thought, when my garden is up and running, i will have a sign saying children should be kept on leads at all times, or, should i just fucking ban them?

    I had to have a cup of tea and a smoke to think it all through.

  • Youve done it now!! Zendaze who has no children wiil most probably get on your case ,simply because a disjointed comprehension and an argument with others is better than silence.I do not know who he is arguing with nor what about anymore.The utter love of them if they appear is all consuming.My joy at being an unwilling slave to a teenager is not so all consuming.Yet when i express that it appears somehow that i am said to be exploiting a thread to condem those who do not have children??.I am confused in the extreme.It matters not whether i am understood or not.I know who I am and at the end of the day what one stranger chooses to make of what i think is not relevent.We are mostly strangers who have not met having a chatter are we not?

    I would like to heavily imply...actually state that a teenager scoring straight As in all the sciences can adapt should they so wish to turning on the washing machine,if they can be got off their lazy ass.:DI cant see how that simple...family inclusive task...would be of detriment to their spiritual development.

  • Quote zendaze: I was highlighting that parenthood is a choice in which the children have no say.


    Thankfully to have children or not is still a personal choice for most fully developed fertile human females and fertile contributing males. (it is how humans naturally evolved to reproduce)

    Excluding Rape, accidental pregnancy, IVF, assisted pregnancy, surgical delivery.


    All Lifeforms on the planet naturally aspire to reproduce. You can argue all you want about which have a “right to reproduce” I would look forward to reading your list of those deemed unworthy in your eyes. Thankfully as of now there’s no highly motivated control freak who thinks those humans who can’t keep their minds on a productive track (mental health at 100%) should be eliminated from becoming a burden on the earths resources.)


    I’m unsure which species in the animal kingdom don’t have a choice about reproduction. I’ve seen plenty of Alpha males doing their best to wear down, force themselves on the females of that species. I’m not sure what species in the plant kingdom doesn’t have a choice over reproduction. There may well be biological reproductive systems activated by external/environmental factors.


    Thankfully human reproduction is a personal choice of the mature?/fertile female/male and not like some weird, hard hitting diseases that we just have to deal with, regardless of our state of mind or personal situation. Human/Animal Evolution did not give the key to the egg, but to the gaoler.


    Quote zendaze: Parents are there because they chose to be parents....it's a privelidge not a right.

    Adults childfree are a result of their own choice. However there are many childless adults who didn’t choose or wish to be without children of their own.

    ....it's a privelidge not a right..... by this reckoning we can apply the same logic to all Living things? So if there isn’t sufficient small fish/food in the sea, to go around, tough titty for some species of whales if humans arnt harvesting something from them, (even if it’s just a poolside party piece) whales will just have to suck up the baited contraceptive. Same for the monkeys living where Palm oil is more important than branched poisonous fruit trees. It’s a privilege to swing through the trees, scavenge the forest floor for natural food. Not a zen right. It is a privalage to live out life ina natural of environment, amongst other equally privileged species, prey or predator and without guilt just like a primate and human.


    Since when did healthy debate get removed from threads, learning is a two way street and is venting also a privalage for non-parents?


    I keep hearing love and peace, even respect along with a fair bit of bitterness, resentment and disappointment.


    The human population has not been so close to global extinction since the last ice age or… plague. With international transport systems we have today, we are at increased risk. At any time the human population could be decimated by disease, viral, bacterial contagions. We may just need every man women and child to secure recovery after the next event.


  • I don't think I'd like to live in a society where you need a licence to breed! Sounds far too restrictive and totalitarian for me.

    Me neither, it’s all just a step closer to the incarceration/retirement/extermination centres for those who can’t outwardly speak positively enough about their own wellbeing, health and contentment in society. Wouldn’t be long before negative thoughts (cries for help) and depressive comments could be perceived militant. Castration, forced internment, involuntary euthanasia could all become tools of control for further consideration by society, if enough pressure is levied.


    I can see a contract required for any Mars colonists, surrendering their rights to choose not to breed. “Use it or we will” regime.


    I can appreciate the freedom of being childfree and there is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about choosing to be selfish in the decision. No one owes a unfertilised egg a right to life (in my own view) and your body is your own temple.

    From a male perspective. I would shy away from birthing pain anyway, not to mention the personal space invasion by health professionals and risk of injury/death. Or the black cloud that comes with a failed, lost birth and mental trauma of loosing a child at anytime after a birth.


    I live in fear of my kids being hurt or injured. My first child tormented my every thought when she was out of sight. When very young I kept visualising her at the side of the road as a small lass, with strangers/bystanders, following a road traffic accident her mother would potentially be in. Uninjured as it happened herself, but I was aware of the fear/shock she would be exposed to. Only when I heard the vehicle pull up on her return did my heart relax. Then there’s the biting my tongue when the first grown up, dark skinned DJ boyfriend turns up in a blacked out merc to take the daughter out clubbing.


    I’ve subsequently, hopefully moved on from those worries with my now youngest girl. It’s not that I won’t/don’t worry, just I want to save on unnecessary worry where possible.


    Some years ago when I separated from my ex and the kid was old enough (adult) I did experience and enjoy a freedom which isn’t to be underestimated. A freedom to go where and when I liked, drink smoke, dance, play, all things that often take a back seat in life when responsibility for feeding, housing, raising kids becomes the norm.

    I don’t want to worry if there is going to be a world fit for occupancy in my child’s life. I have seen the same worry from my parents, when my mum sat me and my sister on her knee one night. Telling us that it’s a possibility the Russians will blow the fkin planet up during the Cuban crisis.

    I don’t want to believe society will collapse, that clean, safe drinking water may not be available. I want to know that she will have all the chances that I had. Hopefully a better health service, treatment of illness etc. A good life with minimum rules imposed on the free and easy, so they can go on to have the kids of tomorrow.

  • Aye yes it would be lovely for everyone to be able to live closer to the green and natural world..... obviously there would need to be adequate spacing to prevent the powerful from exploiting the Hoi polloi.


    At no point did I attempt to proscribe who should or should not have children or become parents.


    Aye (again) debate and freedom of speech are sacrasanct ish.


    I do think that my comment on crickets post was a little reactive and (upon reflection) it was a bit unfair of me to single her out in this debate. She has however held her own and caused me to pause and reflect.


    Humans have sentience and imagination and the ability to raise consciousness and are therefore not subject to the 'natural'reproductive impetus (law) that I believe you are suggesting.


    Once kids are in the world they deserve fair treatment and access to all human rights (I emphatically support such) .....but....alas ....society is failing them.


    Ergo if a teenager realises that they are fucked and have been born into a fixed game that has no benefit to them who are they going to blame?!


    I'm sad and sorry that people still birth children into slavery then get all upset because those children would enslave their parents. But the fact remains that those children did not ask to be born into this sick game and from their perspective it's more than a bit shitty that they are subject to such overwhelming subservience !!!!


    Griping and venting about how much said innocent individuals offend the parents sense of family is for a different thread.


    Sorry if you are disappointed with the experience of parenthood but you are not going to convince me or any teenager that human procreation is a selfless act.

  • I don't think I'd like to live in a society where you need a licence to breed! Sounds far too restrictive and totalitarian for me.

    Youd be surprised ayami.I was actually headhunted...me...really by some guys in suits looking very serious.It is a secret government program of population limitation.I have to get active males drunk then its nuts off .:evil:.........:D

  • WAAAHHHHH....You misonogynistic troll faced twit.Alice strode in, in his big Kickass Fairy Love Hell boots and there you are drooling respect.I am far more scary than Alice if you knew me.However you will never have that pleasure.Nor unfortunatly will I.:D