Do you ever feel like your friends or acquaintances ignore
you and your plans to meet up with them? That's how I'm feeling today....not a
good way to start the new year, feeling depressed and anxious about the lack of
respect your so called friends have for you.
I sent two video messages to two fellas I'm sort of friendly with; one I went to college with and the other I became friendly with in Scotland. Now the Scottish guy is in London at the moment and he's someone that's always busy travelling about from one place to the next for jobs and doesn't wanna be tied down in his hometown or current friendships and the second guy has Asperger's syndrome and doesn't socialise often.
I try to take these things into consideration but I can't help but feel like I'm being ignored. I just don't know who or what to blame....the two friends or my brain? My brain always puts these dark thoughts in my head which leads me to lash out at people and push them away but my bad luck with friends can't be ignored either. Ever since I started school I've had so much bad luck with keeping friends and that's what has led me to have high expectations of people and I was thinking earlier, it's expectation that hurts me, not these 'friends'.
I think I'm also addicted to the high I get from doing nice things for people and that's why I keep doing it. Is being too nice my addiction? Like any addiction, it comes with lows hence how I'm feeling right now. I even thought about telling some girls I got friendly with in Scotland to go away too. Yeah, that's how bad my friendship anxiety is. I was thinking if I don't hear anything from those two fellas by the end of the week, I will send them a message telling them how I feel and they can take it how they want but if they are real friends, they will understand but most importantly reach out. If not, then I have my answer - friendship break up number 500.