Finding your tribe

  • Im saddened by the folk who keep saying they have no friends as there is nobody else like them. We all have far more in common than not, however we look, or however we live. We all want the same things, and I think the problem for a lot of folk is a crippling shyness because they think they won't fit in.

    My son's in laws are out and out Tories, they don't really understand my way of living, and I'm the same with them. However they are basically nice folk and try to interact with me, as I do with them. I don't like to spend a long time in their company in one go, but hey; we both do our best.

    Step out of your comfort zone and talk to everyone you meet. Don't make the mistake of thinking of others as normal/boring/sheeple/whatever, try to see every person you meet as a unique child of the universe. If we can't see the rainbow of others, it is because our eyes are closed.

    If you have time or inclination, volunteer at a charity shop or foodbank. You will meet loads of folk and learn to interact with everyone. It is practise, as much as having things in common.

    Be Happy, everyone. xxx

  • It isnt a case of interacting issues, I have been self employed, I have taught groups of 50 people at a time at my last job, I deal with people very well and have no issue interacting.

    I just don't feel like I fit in their group, no matter how hard I try. I have a passion for cars and have attended many car meets, gone up to groups and chatted with them but then they walk away and that's that, after a while you feel like a spare part.

    Its not necessarily a shy issue it's just not feeling part of the group or you not feeling comfortable in their group. I tried so hard when I was younger to mix in bit always failed which is maybe why I see people differently.

    I owned a campsite (still do) for many years which has also altered my view of people, some of the things I have had to deal with make you lose faith in the average sheep.

  • I just don't feel like I fit in their group, no matter how hard I try.

    I owned a campsite (still do) for many years which has also altered my view of people, some of the things I have had to deal with make you lose faith in the average sheep.

    Personally I would say stop thinking that you have to try to fit in with anyone, I know for a fact that i am different to most people i see at work, and round here daily but i can still interact with them as and when i choose without feeling that i have to be like them. Id also stop focussing on their shortcomings, it'll not do you any good.

    Im quite happy in my own company, and a lot of the stuff i like doing is by myself, or with the missus and/or the dog. There are times that i will do other stuff, but usually after a while i feel ive had enough and leave.

    As for finding your tribe - organise a weekend at your campsite (location?) and see who turns up..

    You can only accomplish your object in life by complete disregard of the opinions of other people.

  • I hear what you are saying, Hawkeye, but you also say it isn't necessarily an issue for you, which is good. A lot of the posts though, people seem desperately lonely, and it is this which makes me sad.

    If you have no friends, you have to be friendly. I know this is not easy, but to say that you cannot make friends because you are somehow different, is to put obstacles in your path. Offer to tidy an elderly neighbour's garden, or walk their dog if they are struggling. Remember that folk are proud - and private - so if they decline keep offering or ask elsewhere. Someone, somewhere will be desperate for help, but not know how to ask for it.

    I am talking here from personal experience, by the way, not parroting something from a psychology handbook. I know myself pretty well,so deliberately took a job which forced me to interact with folk all day long, it is too easy to fall into the hermit trap. It isn't a problem as long as you are cool with it, but if you are unhappy by yourself, then you are the only person who can change that.

    If you look at someone in a suit, doing the frantic nine to five thing, and mentally sneer at them for being a sheep, then you are projecting. Doing exactly what you believe they are doing to your deadlocked/hippy/whatever self.

    I maintain that we are all alike, we all crave emotional warmth, but we have to be open to give it. The saying about hugs is that if you want a hug, you have to give one. It is the same with friendship.

    I'll be honest, I usually feel like a weirdo, that people don't really want my company, but I sure as anything do not allow that to stop me interacting with others. It is a part of my brain which is not working in my best interest.

    We live in a world where it seems everything conspires to make us feel separate from our fellow beings. Our "leaders" actively encourage this as it suits their purpose to rule over a fragmented, fearful citizenry, but I refuse to let myself be afraid of those I share my world with.

    Be Happy. It can become a habit just the same as any other.

  • Ive intereacted with 10s of thousands of people on often an individual level,I get on with most folk and yes there are often more common ties between most of us than differences BUT ive also seen shit I wouldnt expect to see from civilised people... thousands of men women children starving to death...people burned to death by the neighbours they lived alongside for decades with burning tyres round their necks or literally beaten to a pulp cause theyre different or of a different religion.And ive lost close friends just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    Im sick of this world, its FUBAR.

    Sick of the hate and injustice and the bizarre fact people get more angry at a judge on X Craptor or a football match score than about people being murdered in the street for their religion or gender preference or that their government is destroying their health service and education system or our environment for profit or murdering people by drone warfare thousands of miles away for so called democracy.

    I must have read a few hundred vile hateful comments this morning alone from people on facebook and twitter wishing each other would die or threatening each other with violence or just laughing at reports about people who've been raped or murdered and i just think what the fuck is wrong with all these people and the world because I have absolutely nothing in common with them or want anything to do with it all.

    I dont know what the answer is..maybe for some people its joining in a community or volunteering to try to make a difference in some small way,ive been there done that too,but I just dont feel i belong or that im changing anything,just what im doing is pissing in the wind compared to whats completely fucked up and wrong with the world and people in it.

    Occasionally you may find a niche where people appear to have similar values then realise a lot of that is just superficial bullshit and theres actually no real difference to their thinking than the mainstream.

    It makes me sad that this is the world my kids are growing up in but theres nothing i can do to change it.

    If for no better reason than selfish self preservation of my sanity and peace of mind I prefer solitude.

    I dont think there exists in the world a tribe I could identify with and if there was, im probably so jaded and anti people I probably wouldnt feel i belonged anyway.

  • I agree, I dont have Facebook or a social media just because I cannot deal with peoples comments.

    I think the problem I have is within myself (obviously), I am not a fan of people in general and sometimes it annoys me when they are happy or over excited over stupid things. I think the problem is I am not happy within my own life, I love my family dont get me wrong but I aim to achieve freedom for the 3 of us, not being stuck in the same mundane routine. I am not bothered how its done, either having lots of money and becoming self employed or leaving everything and living in a van around Europe. Once we have freedom I feel I will look differently to life.