My story is long, but I will keep it short. As a young girl I fell in love, we created a family, had our daughter, I started studying and meanwhile being a mum, I studied and worked as well. It was wonderful time and it felt much like a dream. it wasn't meant to last long, my partner died when our daughter was 14 months old, after 3 years of our relationship. We had an accident and I wasn't aware of his death while being in the hospital. After 4 weeks, my grandma told me, and my life was ruined. I have had to put myself together for our daughter. And we went through this nightmare together. My family was very supportive and I will be thankful for their love for ever.
Now, my daughter is almost 18 years old. I have been married, got divorced. It's been 3 years since we got separated and then officially divorced.
I have used this single time to get to know myself, to feel myself more, and to clear my head from past issues and start everything again, to learn to not to compromise in important matters, and to close my eyes on little things that don't really matter. I have grown a lot spiritually and became a better, happier person.
I registered on one dating website, met some men, for a coffee, or a glass of wine, and nothing. They wanted to meet again, continue, and I was just feeling like they are all not for me. No connection, no missing anyone. No spark.
There were other websites, but the same thing. The only man I really felt something for was a Portuguese man who was a chef, but wanted to build a food forest in Angola. Who talked a lot about his plans, but as we were getting closer, I noticed there was no place in his plans for me, so I decided to quit. He didn't really notice I said good bye too, oh, well
I have deleted all dating apps, websites, apart from one. But all I see is either men who are looking for sex, no commitment, then men who want to get married and have kids ( NOW NOW !), or men that I am not really interested in.
I go out, yes. But then I mainly go for live music events and I feel music so much that I can't be bothered with looking around , and perhaps I always thought it will just happen itself.
Maybe it's not my time yet.
I know, I should just do my things, keep my eyes open, accept and appreciate what I have now. However, I can't switch this thinking that I would like to share joys and worries with someone who cares. Someone who is straight forward and honest, who doesn't play games and pretend to be cool. I am like that, simple and honest, yet it's so hard to find someone who can open up and walk barefoot with me.
P.S I feel a bit better now, some times just writing stuff helps to bring some order to this crazy life.