Vibrator use while husband sleeps beside you

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  • I use a vibrator to satisfy my urges when my husband is asleep in the next bed to me,we don't sleep together and have not done for years but I still want sex but not with him. He has a very very small Willy and it doesn't even go in, he does not turn me on In The slightest way. in fact the very touch of him repels me but I like being married and having someone to turn to. Is this wrong? He's totally dependent on me, he's not disabled but childlike in so many ways.
    We live like companions not lovers.We are getting on in life so should I leave to find someone new? He would go to pieces,I know for a fact if I did. I can't do alone either.




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  • Wow, time to try your hardest to address the broken bits!
    First of all. If you don't 'fancy him' does he fancy you? Have you ever temporarily separated? Often it takes a break to open up the heart and soul. I'm not going to say either way about staying or leaving. Just 'go' get help! It may be broken beyond repair 'the intimacy'. Many marriages slowly go off the boil. Sleeping apart and not shagging becomes the norm. I know several really nice couples, who like you, have no sex life, but live together 'often' content, but not 'really happy'. There's obviously something missing. It all depends how much importance the individuals place on the obsent parts of a healthy relationship.
    One of my mates just wouldn't thank his missus for offering herself to him for a shag. In his words "she is old, body is ugly, she was once beautiful". He his no picture of health though or spring chicken and not 20 years ago, he romanced about getting a blow job off of his secretary.


    Nothing wrong with knocking one off with your vibro, even if your partner is awake in the 'same bed', don't feel guilty, he his probably happy your not 'pestering' him and letting him sleep. For all you know, he may be getting off on your actions himself .


    dependacy is not ideal. It's like working in a job you hate doing, because you need the money. There are 'other jobs'
    but don't delude yourself into thinking another man will have 'all' you desire. Often each and everyone of us comes with baggage, history, habits. Health issues and or problems.
    The mind is a good place to store your ideal partner, sure as fk, in the real world, you will still need to compromise.

  • Post by Pheonix2017 ().

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  • Sometimes you just have to let go and find yourself, lots of people IMO do this. It's a hard desicion to leave to find another and the next person might be of the same ilk.
    My husband is keen on sex but suffers from erectile function so we haven't done it for years either. We have a companion only marriage, doesn't all relationships go this way after a few years.
    It's often joked about on TV about sex urges go down the longer your married?

  • I would be very wary of expecting that someone else will hold all the answers. Sex with somebody else may well be more satisfying, but they will have their own issues, which may mean you end up not wanting sex with them either, because they're argumentative, for example, or selfish.. there is always some compromise in every relationship, so I would consider very carefully before deciding what is important to you. If it was just the sex, then sure, you could find a partner who could fulfil that need, but maybe not the companionship part. Its not a guarantee that Mr 'right in every way' will come along.

  • It always makes me feel a little sad that people in life endure these loveless sexless marriages for years and endure them mainly because the act of change and the unknown territory beyond the marriage is just enough to deter any change at all.


    I cant add much to what AW said but that you wont just find a new person,any new person will indoubtedly have their own baggage and you have to deal with the separation issues of your current marriage.It wont be easy or simple and you wont be able to just replace hubby with a new one....lots of older men also have sex problems so you may ultimately not solve that desire you have with a new partner.


    Youve already said your present husband repels you...and youre together for companionship. Is that a good enough reason to continue as a married couple.Is the companionship supportive and healthy or are you in effect just a crutch for each.other because the alternative is potentially worse to contemplate?


    I.think.you need to answer that question honestly to yourself.If youre getting nothing from the arrangement but continuation for the sake of it then really you should seriously think about separation...maybe go see a marriage counsellor...


    What you shouldnt be worryimg about is whether your husband could cope without you.Youre not there to serve his needs and protect him.from the world,hes just come to see you as his supporter,surrogate mother figure,anything that absolves him from dealing with things himself.


    If youre getting something from the companionship thats positive then maybe you should look at wsys of indulging your sexual needs outside of the marriage.Plenty of couples do that with mutual consent.Marriage does not have to.mean imposed celibacy.


    You could go.online dating or meet a regular escort,older escorts do exist but theres plenty of younger men escort older women (and older men,i know i used to do it) so.I wouldnt let the fact youre older get in the way.Get glammed up,wined and dined in a nice hotel and taken to bed for some fun.You could even.join a swingers club if youre that way inclined...the point is there are ways around the sex issue that can give you the sexual fun and fulfilment you obviously want and need while having the security of your marriage.


    What you dont have to do.is continue living the way you are for convenience sake.Its obviously a burden to you or youd not have sought help here so that.should give you an answer of sorts...youre not happy,do something about.your situation,its not likely to get better without you changing it.

  • Sounds like you need a decent fuckbuddy and if you can get one with your O/Hs blessing to keep things together then life goes on as is at home. Easy to say but finding such an acquaintance to fulfil your needs without strings not forgetting STDs will be hard.


  • Can I ask if you have discussed this with your husband? Have you mentioned that you are feeling unsatisfied?
    I'm afraid I don't have any real answers as it is only something you decide.
    As for using a vibrator while he is asleep in another bed. I don't think it is wrong. If that is the only option for satisfaction I don't see any problem.
    I must admit I know that I couldn't sleep through it without wanting to get involved!
    [emoji83]

  • Post by ayami ().

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  • My heart goes out to you. My husband and I rarely have penetrive sex anymore due to my increasing disability. We do have other ways though! Is this a option for you both? Although you say you no longer find them attractive.


    I wonder what goes through your partners head when lying next to you and your vibrator? Is it the elephant in the room or is it something you have discussed? You sound as though you are desperately unhappy and need a change. I agree a fuck buddy does seem a good idea but you could become emotionally attached which could make the situation worse. I hope you find a way to be happy x