HELP I need somebody

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  • God this seems to be a regular thing. I was positive but shit is grinding me down. My ex girlfriend rang me up shes in a mental hospital, its crackiing me up now. Work is tough parents wont pay me till i go self employed. I feel gulit like i caused my ex es mental state somehow. I am a bit low what the fkk can i do.

  • :(


    She's in hospital so the experts will help her now. Try not to get bogged down with guilt. She's ill & will hopefully get better.
    Have a bit of space for yourself to get your own head together.
    Best wishes x

  • Are you able to take yourself out of the picture for a day or 2?
    Let things calm down ?
    I don't know your situation but I'm sure you are not to blame for what has happened.
    Maybe a couple of days away from it all will help ? Let the dust settle and all that?

  • Thankyou iam just wondering if anyone has been in this situation


    I don't think there is a decent human being alive or dead that hasn't been swallowed up by guilt from time to time.
    If you want her to stay your ex then you need to stay out of the picture.
    Does she want to get back with you? How did she end up in the hospital?
    Sorry, you haven't given many details.

  • Agree.....try to get away.....even if it's only for a few hours. Get outside, somewhere peaceful. Focus on everything around you, your breathing, noises, smells etc....grounding myself in nature is helping me at the moment (I haven't struggled this much with the black dog in years).

  • I am well away from this she just left a message two weeks ago on my mob i rang her back trying not to cry i ve been in bits for two weeks now. I went out with her four years ago i kept in touch she went a bit nuts but i cant help it somehow im joined mentally to her i ve gone right into my shell i hardly speak at the mo. We went through an abortion it seemed simple two pills in two days but its never gone away she went manic about a month after delusional the works i am a mess

  • Sounds awful :( poor thing.
    I have no advice as it sounds very serious & I wouldn't have a clue.
    Maybe you could ring the doctors tomorrow & tell them what you've said on here.
    They might have some advice & you will be getting some support on the outside then.
    At least she is in the right place, she is being looked after.
    I'm useless :rolleyes: all I can think to say is have a cuppa tea & try to stay calm but that would be a really pants suggestion.
    I'm non to good myself today :D I've just put the kettle on for myself!

  • Why the hell we did it ill never know we panicked we just started seeing each other it seemed simple like a morning after pill. It isnt id have had that kid now defo he she would be 3 in may weather i was with her or not when i see my nephews i try not to cry this week i held a mates kid at work he smiled this stuff never seems to go. Has anyone on here had a termination surely theres people who just carry on as normal surely

  • Why the hell we did it ill never know we panicked we just started seeing each other it seemed simple like a morning after pill. It isnt id have had that kid now defo he she would be 3 in may weather i was with her or not when i see my nephews i try not to cry this week i held a mates kid at work he smiled this stuff never seems to go. Has anyone on here had a termination surely theres people who just carry on as normal surely


    Mine Would be 25 years old now! A boy!


    You can't think like that though. You have to move on.

  • You have to remember why you made the decision in the first place. The chances are it probably WAS the best decision for you both at the time. You can't go back babe. You have to look to the future now.
    Life isn't over! You can both make fresh starts & be happy.
    You just need time to heal.

  • Gee, just think about it she called you, at the moment she is not well mentally, she called to make you feel guilty, which is probably due to the illness, she probably wanted you to feel as shit as she feels at the moment, and in that she is succeeding. being as she is your ex, you need to step back and see this for what it is, a cry of desperation and a way to make her feel as though someone else is going through the same sort of shit she is, as in her own way that might make her feel better- but its no good for you. It probably isnt a conscious thing on her part but it hurts you just as much as if it was.
    Take care of yourself, you cant help anyone if you are feeling bad, stay strong, help her if you want to or feel you must, but dont feel guilty or it will tear you up, and then you wont be able to help anyone.
    All the best.

  • You can speak to your doctor. Get a sick note? If your folks aren't going to pay you anyway. Take a sicky. The gov money will go into your bank account. Your folks will realise they need you just as much.
    Re baby. 3 years on, your ex-partner is still unwell. Playing mind games, constantly torturing you and using the child to get to you or at you! Can you see the picture of 'if only' I'm painting you?
    3 years on. Your having the same guilt problem, the ex is in a hospital with head problems, you can't work because you now have responsibilities to the child and the ex.


    So it's not like that. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Your ex wil get help. It doesn't need to come from you.
    You have a duty of care for your own wellbeing, for your own occupation.
    Take time out and take stock. Get Doctor to listen to your concerns. Get signed off sick. Your folks have made it clear, self employed, no family perks. No family business ( which your still building up one more year on) go on the sick. Talk to your folks. Cards on table. If they don't play ball, stay on sick. Your entitled to full sick pay for six months from them your employer, plus holiday pay etc. All back dated. You DO have rights. Take them to tribunal for unfair dismissal if they are just going to railroad you out of your inheritance.


    I know you asked me for help before and I couldn't reach out. I have less on my mind now bro, so if it's just someone to bounce your world off. Pm me.


    Think on tonight. It's not as bad as it could be. It never is.

  • Everyone reacts in different ways to lifes events.You need to find your own way of dealing with things,no one can give you the specific answer or cure.You need to sift all the helpful replies and find the path you feel best with.I know several women who had pregnancys ended or that nature ended , for one reason or another and none of them carried on as normal afterwards, it had an impact on all of them in different ways ,some for very many years.You do sound to be still grieving and maybe think that your part in starting then ending the pregnancy makes you feel guilt for your exs current poor mental health?You are both on your own journeys,be it together or apart.She has to find her own path to health as do you.She is in a place where she will be helped back to being well hopefully.Please try and get yourself help to get well.Trouble is when you are down ,all the usual sht in life seems much bigger.Any way at all you can get well away for a while on your own?Sometimes things look different viewed from a distance.Stay strong.You are not old for a man in the family stakes.I know a guy of 64 who fathered 2 kids and hes still going strong.:hug:

    Why the hell we did it ill never know we panicked we just started seeing each other it seemed simple like a morning after pill. It isnt id have had that kid now defo he she would be 3 in may weather i was with her or not when i see my nephews i try not to cry this week i held a mates kid at work he smiled this stuff never seems to go. Has anyone on here had a termination surely theres people who just carry on as normal surely

  • Gee, just think about it she called you, at the moment she is not well mentally, she called to make you feel guilty, which is probably due to the illness, she probably wanted you to feel as shit as she feels at the moment, and in that she is succeeding.
    All the best.

    How can you possibly say what his ex is thinking or why she called him.???Dont impose your past experience or unqualified psychology on such a fragile situation big foot.

  • Wow you surpass yourself .You bang on stating the intentions of a woman you do not know,have never met,who is in a very fragile situation.Then you carry on saying you know how this poor guy feels AND THEN you bang on about the future that never happened in a negative way.You off your head?Join Grendles big foot club or get help for your ego problems.

  • I am carer and partner to someone with severe mental health problems. There are times when I have felt responsible. Could I have said something different done something wrong but everyone deals with stuff differently Gee. The brain does some strange stuff and I have sat in hospital listening to her raving and swearing at me having been admitted with a police escort. It is a very hard thing to listen to knowing it isn't your fault. You doubt yourself, don't. She is in the best place and if she has been sectioned staff will give the best best care. When someone is very mentally unwell they can say some things that hurt more than you can think. Hang in there and remember she is temporarily not herself. It is not personal.

  • Weird thing is shes always nice to me sonetimes she said stuff that made no sense sometimes she used to send me a torrent of abusive or texts of a sexting nature. Sometimes if i was on the phone to her and her mum tried to ask who it was she would be nasty to her mum then nice to me. When we spoke and she was in the mental hospital she sounded normal she just said she had been depressed but had lashed out at her mum and family i could maybe see this she kind of had this delusional suspision of her mum and brothers ex girlfriend when she was last ill. Its weird i liked her when i met her infact i thought she was amazing but as we went out conversation was hard work i got sucked down a rabbit hole of madness maybe she gently controlled me

  • I have had similar situations Gee. It is so important to not make yourself ill trying to rationalise the unrationable. Be there for her if you feel you need to but don't take it personally when she is in attack mode. I can't stress enough how important it is to know when to switch off. Keep yourself sane first.

  • Weird thing is shes always nice to me sonetimes she said stuff that made no sense sometimes she used to send me a torrent of abusive or texts of a sexting nature. Sometimes if i was on the phone to her and her mum tried to ask who it was she would be nasty to her mum then nice to me. When we spoke and she was in the mental hospital she sounded normal she just said she had been depressed but had lashed out at her mum and family i could maybe see this she kind of had this delusional suspision of her mum and brothers ex girlfriend when she was last ill. Its weird i liked her when i met her infact i thought she was amazing but as we went out conversation was hard work i got sucked down a rabbit hole of madness maybe she gently controlled me

    Maybe her suspicions werent delusional of her mother and brothers ex?Youd be amazed how destructive and abusive some "mothers" can be.My own mother no one would beleive how she really is when they see her in church.How could you get sucked down a rabbit hole of madness?You have your own mind.Most women gently control men in some way or another if they were honest.Cant have these great hairy brutes running amock all over can we.The best way is letting them think what theyve been quietly manouvered into doing is their own idea.:DWonder why shes always nice to you...maybe because you are a sensitive guy who listens and cares?

  • i don't have anything to add, which hasn't been said, Gee. Just look after yourself, and though it isn't easy; don't blame yourself. Big hugs and I hope you get through this without more trauma. :hug:

  • Wow you surpass yourself .You bang on stating the intentions of a woman you do not know,have never met,who is in a very fragile situation.Then you carry on saying you know how this poor guy feels AND THEN you bang on about the future that never happened in a negative way.You off your head?Join Grendles big foot club or get help for your ego problems.

    you read into it what you will. Your Bang out of order for the dribble you brought to our comments. It's not the first time gee has been here & long before you entered the arena, we/gee & I had talked all bout stuff, both on the forum and in private.
    And where have I said "I know how this poor guy feels" so unless you have anything else constructive to add? gee has messaged me & he knows where I'm coming from. Your head is not my concern.

  • Weird thing is shes always nice to me sonetimes she said stuff that made no sense sometimes she used to send me a torrent of abusive or texts of a sexting nature. Sometimes if i was on the phone to her and her mum tried to ask who it was she would be nasty to her mum then nice to me. When we spoke and she was in the mental hospital she sounded normal she just said she had been depressed but had lashed out at her mum and family i could maybe see this she kind of had this delusional suspision of her mum and brothers ex girlfriend when she was last ill. Its weird i liked her when i met her infact i thought she was amazing but as we went out conversation was hard work i got sucked down a rabbit hole of madness maybe she gently controlled me


    Sounds like you are both really going through the mill & it sounds a horrid situation all round.
    I feel a lot of empathy for you both.
    She is clearly really struggling with life & I fear the battle will continue for her for maybe years. She will be stabilised with medication & some serious counselling but it could be a long old journey.
    If you don't see this woman in your future then you need to remove yourself from the situation gee.
    You have a responsibility to your own mental health. Plus it would be wrong to give any kind of false hope to somebody so vulnerable.
    Cut all ties & let go of the guilt. Easier said than done I know, but ... do your best.
    She has professionals caring for her.
    Hugs :(

  • Thanks from all that iam soldiering on. Work keeps me sane iv e been tiling a shower this morn i havent tiled since i was 19 and then i used to just cut tiles for someone else. Christmas probably will be a twat when i have too long to think about crap and have to smile enanely fuck christmas i hate fuckin christmas mad rush for one fuckin day everyone else suffers white van man tradesmen the lot. I got a pushy customer bothering me on sun about a log burner there all bloody idiots wanting stuff yeaterday but not wanting to pay for it.