So, this new relationship I have gotten into....

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  • Before we met, he dropped a massive bombshell which we talked through and with a few sleepless nights on my part and lots of reading I decided I liked him enough to meet him. I have gotten to like him alot. I am very much drawn to him. He is kind, caring, really easy going and probably the most genuinely nice guy I have met in a very very long time.

    When he hugs me he has this radiating warmth that I just cant seem to get enough of. I am drawn that much to him its woken up feelings I really thought had diminished as I grew older.

    Because of this bombshell he is letting me take the lead and we are moving at my pace and I was confident in the knowledge I had gained that I could move forward and happily.

    I chose a handful of people to tell, those closest to me, my daughter, my good friend and my very good neighbours, who are like family and each and everyone of them are ok with it, which made things easier for me.

    On Sunday we went to mothers for dinner and he was yapping away and he let it slip. I had chosen not to tell my mother because I knew her prehistoric reaction. We thought we had gotten away with it as there was no reaction but yesterday she asked me if that is what she heard him say and then she went on one in her usual adamant she knows it all rant saying the most horrible and archaic things.

    I nearly managed to get away with it but took a brave pill, swallowed hard and told her because it makes my life easier.

    Now I cant get her rant out my head. I hear it on replay and its made me very sad.. perhaps even sad to the point that the little bit of happiness I felt has dissipated and I am not sure its going to come back and what was becoming not much of an issue is now again, an issue in my head and heart ..

    I was even prepared to say that one day you wont be here any more mum and my daughter will be off doing what she does and I will be on my own totally and I like him that much that I am prepared to walk away from you

    She wasnt even prepared to look into it herself ..

    So feeling very very flat and sad when I should be all happy and loved up.. has her words damaged what could have been good ?

  • That is very sad, I'm sorry that has happened to you as we could all do with happiness that isn't judged. Some people are very single minded and closed off.

    I guess you have to come back to 'no one can make you feel anything but yourself'. I massively struggle with this myself though!!

    You can't un-hear what she said but I think it is worth talking to her once you feel more in control. If you told her how you love her but her words deeply hurt you. You know that she holds old values dear, one of which is respect, and you would be grateful if she could respect you enough to keep those thoughts to herself.

    Praise, criticise, praise (otherwise known as a shit sandwich)

  • You do what makes you happy first and foremost, because it's you that's got to live your life and nobody else.
    Anything else that happens as a result must take second place.
    You only get one shot and if it feels right to you then go for it.
    It's no use thinking back in 20 years time 'what if'.

  • Don't listen to her CT, allow yourself this happiness, sounds like you have found yourself a lovely guy, remember your mum is from a different generation - she doesn't know any better. Happiness at our age is not so easy to find, don't let cruel words destroy what could be a beautiful relationship, it is your life not your mums.

    Let her have her rant and forgive her.

    I am so happy for you that you have at last met someone you care about xx

  • CT, I don't know what the bombshell is ( dont wanna know, its your business, but I can guess......) Your Mother is doing what all Mums do.....trying to protect, what Mummy dearest hasnt realised is that you dont need anyone to tell you how to run you're life anymore and I would say let her know it has hurt you. He is obviously important to you or you wouldnt be asking us bunch of fugupps for advice!

    My advice would be to ignore ya mums texts for a bit.....

  • Thanks everyone. means alot..

    If it wasnt bad enough that happened. I was flicking through his facebook pics and saw him and one of his ex's this lead me to read through his timeline. I saw him post about how happy he was with his last GF and it felt familiar. I just suddenly got this overwhelming feeling of disappointment and I am struggling to get back from it. Whether or not am seeing things for how they are or whether this is ghosts of experiences past haunting me am not sure, but I suddenly didnt feel special anymore and wondered if this is what he has said before, to them. I wondered if he was someone who got such a thrill from the falling in love bit that when that started to go off the boil he would get bored, just at the point probably when I relaxed into it a bit more and started allowing my feelings to grow.

    I didnt mean to go looking, it just kinda happened . .. now I am feeling stupid .. cant shake it :(

  • Oh hon, sounds like you're getting yourself in a right pickle.

    It doesn't sound like he's actually done anything wrong, and hopefully he won't! (Unless he wrote that about his ex AFTER you two met?)

    I think this is fear talking and you need to try to stop beating yourself up - feeling stupid is another way of putting yourself down. There is only one way to know if he's genuine and that is to go for it, but if you're not ready to take the chance then don't be horrible to yourself about it. It's ok to not feel ready but if you want a relationship you'll have to take a chance at some point. If that time isn't now then that's ok too.

    It's still early days; maybe take it slow and see how it goes? Remember, you're BOTH taking a chance on each other. I mean, he met your mum and didn't run! ;) x

  • So far we have managed to talk things over and for a new relationship there has been quite alot and am hoping talking and reassuring on his part will ease this nagging feeling ..

    Wish I had never fucking looked, I would have been none the wiser and more the happier because it was the past and I was looking for shit that prob didnt exist ffs!

    Thanks Tree :)

  • It's very easy to fall in love the first time, you have no experience of it, it's all a bit overwhelming.

    To fall in love the second time takes someone special, perhaps you are his someone special.

    I am married to my 5th Wife, and with the exception of the 3rd i can say i absoluteley Loved every one of em..... [panic]

  • Try not to worry re your guys FB page.At that point in time,when he was with the ex gf,yes no doubt they did share happy times.Probably shared a few unhappy times too hey?But that is in his past.If you re focus your mind on the present time,not the past or the future,your bf's fb wall can't and shouldnt hurt you.The same goes with your Mum's reaction to your/his news.However.....whatever that massive bombshell was,as a Mum of grown up daughters myself,depending on what the bombshell related to,I would probably feel protective towards my daughter.I would'nt be rude,I wouldnt tell her to end it,but I would tell her to be careful and that I would be around if she needed support.

  • CT, go with the flow, enjoy your time together, no more snooping it really is a relationship killer, don't let the doubts kick in, enjoy your journey with him, stop looking for the destination.

    Enjoy it girl, just enjoy it, live in the present moment, we all have a past, he sounds to me like a very genuine, honest, lovely guy, who is quite proud to say his girlfriend - although now ex made him happy.

    About Facebook, keep your relationship between you too, that way it stays special xx

  • Are you looking for no 6 :D:whistle:

    Lol 5 times Sootyfoot?

    Yes FIVE TIMES! ( My name is Martyn.....and I'm addicted to Wedding cake....) lol no I'm not looking for number 6.
    it took me 7 long hard, hard ,years to get Mercedes.... its been bumpy and being apart her in Spain n me here is hard...but soon, we will be together.....she's worth the wait. Thanks for the offer though Dolly!

  • Yes FIVE TIMES! ( My name is Martyn.....and I'm addicted to Wedding cake....) lol no I'm not looking for number 6.
    it took me 7 long hard, hard ,years to get Mercedes.... its been bumpy and being apart her in Spain n me here is hard...but soon, we will be together.....she's worth the wait. Thanks for the offer though Dolly!

    Might be an idea to learn to bake wedding cake, Martyn . . . :D :hippy: