Leaving my job and terrified!

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  • Until December, I worked for the same company for four years (I'm 27, so four years felt like a very long time!). For two years, I was in one role and I loved it. Then they moved me to another role which I eventually began to loathe; I had an awful manager, I struggled with the workload, and there was a nasty clique-y atmosphere that left me feeling rejected and picked-on. In November, following a four-month period of stress-induced sickness, I plucked up the courage to hand my notice in, and I officially finished in December. The relief was palpable.

    Two weeks ago, I found a new job as a "sandwich artist", which I thought would be less stress and would bring in a (admittedly greatly reduced) salary. However, the months of being bullied and abused at my old job have left me like a nervous rabbit at any job, and I get such anxiety about going into work that I have reverted to the old self-destructive behaviours that I used to "cope" in my old job.

    My long-suffering hubby has said that he will support me if I hand in my notice at the new job, but he only works part time and can't support us both. I am now stricken with different anxieties as I have things like a mortgage to pay.

    I could really do with some advice from a different perspective, as all I hear from my parents is "you're gonna be homeless", which really doesn't help!

    Thanks guys - I'm sorry to bring the mood down!

  • Stop resorting to the old self-destructive ways of the pastfor a start.
    Whatever they are you know they will not help you.
    I really don’t think you have any option but to stay at thatjob until you find another, but changing jobs is stressful so I would adviseagainst doing that too often.
    What is your normal day like, what are you nervousabout? What is the worst you think willhappen? Do you have a case against yourold employers against constructive dismissal?

  • I'm on a rota, so I can start at any time between 6 am and 3pm, and finish at any time up to 9pm. The work isn't difficult (although it gets very busy around lunchtime and the like), but I find the boss very hard going; he's very sarcastic and quite "harsh" (if that makes sense?). Plus, the hours aren't guaranteed (for example, I had to have two days off as I had tonsilitis, and he covered the rest of my shifts so I have no income for that week) so some weeks I have no money coming in anyway. I suffer with anxiety anyway, and I constantly believe that I am going to get into trouble.

    I didn't manage to bring a case against the old place, my union rep said that there wasn't enough evidence for anything formal.

    Ick, I sound like such a victim!

  • Well thanks for being so open about what happened and I am sorry for the situation you ended up in. Perhaps you need to be honest with your new boss and talk to him about what happened in your old job? Have you been to see the GP about your anxiety issues as you can get counselling and help with that on the NHS.

  • Would it be helpful to look at employment in terms of how much money/how many hours a week you need to work and try to get more than one job? Like having one job thats a third of the hours or money you need to earn and other jobs with other employers located in a suitable area where you can travel to with little hassle.

    That might be an option as you won't be at the same place all the time, being around the same people and you might not be doing exactly the same things all the time.

    That way if any problems happen like cliques targeting you or difficult employers you might not feel so trapped by having to replace all the hours of just having one job.

    Getting a number of jobs that total an amount of money or desired number of hours might be easier for some people.

    If he is not giving you shifts due to having to take time off to attend appointments to look after yourself and you have time to, maybe look elsewhere for top up hours.

    Hope things get better for you.

    Good Luck.

  • I think that might be a good idea, provided I can get a fixed rota for each one, or a flexible hours so that I can fit one job around another.

    I'm on a waiting list for an NHS counselor at the moment - I'm sure it will help a lot with my anxiety issues :)

    Onwards and upwards, as they say!

  • Sounds like you could do with a job without a manager or a job with less people interaction. Working from home is one option but then earning less money brings its own anxieties. Have a think about what you like to do & how you could manage that.

  • I haven't really thought about working from home, as I've heard it can be a bit unreliable or unstable work, but I'll look into what I can do as you suggest - maybe that's my answer :)

  • I loved working on Reception at my old job; there were always loads of interesting people to talk to and I made some great friends. Outside of work, I'm a crafter; I love kntiting, sewing, baking, making jewellery... the list goes on! As a child/teenager, I always wanted to be a writer. Plus, I read tarot cards and make magical charms for friends. I think I'm definitely a "doer"!

  • Hi Emerald moon
    Sorry to hear of your anxiety/job issues. I never considered myself an anxious sort of person until the passing of my mother in 2012, however following this anxiety took over my life. I eventually gave in and went to see my GP last year and was referred for counselling sessions of which i had seven. I was fortunate that i had an excellent counselor and she taught me how to manage my anxiety. I found www.getselfhelp.co.uk/mindfulness a really useful and helpful website with lots of ideas for managing anxiety. The course of counselling i had completely turned things around for me. All the best for the future.

  • I know where you're coming from- I'm in a similar position myself at the moment. I have been signed off work since he middle of Decemebr due to work stress and I have put in a complaint about my line manager. I have just been to the frst meeting with my union rep, a member of Personnel and the next manager up from my line manager today. Even if they sort it, the way I feel at the moment I don't want to go back there, but the thought of working somewhere else new also terrifies me.

    Not an answer or much help to you I'm afraid, but you're not alone in these things happening. I'm also tryong to work out my different options while I'm off before deciding what to do next.

  • You're not alone here Emerald Moon, two of my friends (both hearty beer drinking types) have had to take months off work in the last couple of years for work related stress. One has been demoted from Assistant Manager to shop floor, and is loving every minute of the reduced responsibility.

    Sounds to me like you're the type who'd be quite happy being given a pile of work to do and being left to get on with it, unsupervised. Van driving? Office cleaning? Postie? Good Luck anyway.

  • I am so grateful for everyone's support on here, it certainly makes me feel less alone :)

    I have left the job in question, following my boss's decision to take away all my hours for last week, meaning I had no income. However, on the up side, I had a very successful interview for a Reception position on Thursday this week, and am going in to meet the team next week! Also, my favourite shop in the town where I live has started selling some of the jewellery pieces which I have made, so I am a decidedly happy lady :)

  • Have you tried anything for the anxiety? I used to get very anxious (nervous atm starting a new job tomorrow) tried prescription stuff but never liked the idea so switched to 5-htp and catnip and chamomile tea in the evenings and its really helped relax me and ease the anxiety.

    Congrats on getting your jewelery sold :D

  • Hey Emerald, firstly welcome, as ive not spoke to you before. I understand what you are going through, and the enviroment. I used to sit and moan about my job alot, the people, being away from home, but too scared to do anything. Seeing people leaving the job (military) and going back to civvie street made me feel like i was the only one without the balls to do it, especially when good mates leave. I started doing a bit of meditating last few months, and taking a different approach. Rather than thinking "oh no, i just messed up,now they will only remember my bad points not my good ones", or "oh the boss just walked past, why isit i work and work then when i stop for one minute the boss always walks past". I started thinking more along the lines of "hey, im doing my best here, and if its not good enough, then its not my problem, because im giving it my best". I try not to take it so serious, and when i do get anxious, just stop for a moment, take a breathe, then carry on. I am still in a job, which i would love to leave, BUT, it has some real benefits. Truth is, i moaned in my job before this,and i would in the next i expect. I would look into your options, stay where your at now but take some action in the background. The cycle of change is worth looking at, describes how us humans work with making big decisions. I understand it can be tough, and if you need to speak out and take action, do so, its your right. And in the politest way possible, FUCK EM. Do your best, and it dont matter if its good enough for anyone else, its good enough for you. And if some things dont work out, no doubt another door will open, and its a whole new adventure :).