What do you do if alone at Christmas? I'm dreading it. Is anyone else?

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  • I might not end up alone but last year was the first and I'm dreading this one. I did get invited out on Boxing Day last year but didn't go as they were people with kids that I barely knew and I had a major bereavement last year so kept it low key.

    I invited people round but they all said the same thing 'we're not sure what we're doing yet' up until 20th December and then they'd arranged to stay with family.

    I could have just txt and visited I'm sure but that feels really awkward and sad. I used to have a family and always laid on a big Christmas for everyone for 20+ years but many have gone away and died unfortunately. So it's maybe a week of one or two friends popping in and the rest with memories past like an 80 yr old! ! I'd be happy to volunteer with the homeless but tbh I dread then coming back to an empty house afterwards.

    I'm sure there are many others in the same position as me. I do have friends etc but they now have elderly parents etc to be with at Christmas. Or am I just feeling sorry for myself? I don't know if this is about post - bereavement or being 50+!

  • is there somewhere near you that does a special thing for homeless people on christmas day that you could volunteer at? Our town is laying on a christmas day for people on their own in the community hall...local butcher's donated the turkey n piggies, other people volunteering to cook, some of us will donate little gifts... Maybe try and set something up in your local area? My uncle and aunt have been in the Lions for years and they always visit children's homes and old people's homes on xmas day..me uncle dresses up as santa :)

  • It doesn't worry me greatly, I treat it as just another day. I'll probably go to visit my sister for a hour - that's about all I could cope with :S - read a bit, post a few pathetic messages on some forum or other. Just another winter day to get over. I tried to deliver meals-on-wheels one year - but that was not at all enjoyable as it wasn't appreciated by the recipients ....

    ' When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place '

  • Oh dear greenvanman that's not how things should go on Christmas Day. Miserable buggers!

    Sarah - that's a good positive suggestion. I'm game for dressing up and being cheery. I shall look about in my area as it's a bit late to set stuff up. I might just do a solo visiting thing.

    I think the major problem is that we don't want to impose on others like a saddo - it prevents us actually getting out there and doing it!

  • so much pressure to be the ideal picture on a choccy box eh road...:rolleyes:i do less prep and enjoy low key but i remember our big family gatherings fondly;adapting is a slow process and now i have had to,due to wolfy not being good in strangers homes and also some losses..just invite folk early and see how you do :hippy::Di forgot to put remember in :o

  • Thank you Angio - it is all relative. I did have about 60% choc box christmas times so it all seems a come-down.

    And yes -so many adjustments needed just when we remember more fondly the golden glowing pasts! A quote I heard recently - "the older you get, the future looks darker but the past looks increasingly brighter" - it seems so.

  • I will work at the pub.

    On the door xmas eve - ticket only.

    On the day on the day 12.00 - 15.00, the staff & their families meal in the afternoon: then we re-open at 19.00 for a few hours - front lights off, very low key - mainly so those who are alone on the day have somewhere to go and see other people. Generally ends up being a good night.

    I think it's all a load of commercial bull, but I'm happy for the double time and free meal :-)

  • Christmas I've had one on the streets homeless around 16 years old people stopped and pittied me yet not one person invited me in. A few years later I was in a council house old style no central heating not a spot of paint on a wall and I attemped a Bernard Mathews turkey roll lol there was just me and a 1 year old. Getting off topic you need to get yourself out and involved you are only lonely if you make yourself lonely and as I've posted in previous years my door is open to every one at all times not just bloody xmas. The loved one you lost think how they'd want you to feel. Boxing day will be three years since my Father passed but know he would want me to be happy.

  • I am always the Christmas waif and stray, as i have no family of my own, was disowned by my mother at 15, so have spent most Christmas days alone. It used to really bother me, as all the adverts are geared towards family, and it did feel lonely. I then started to think I will have my own Christmas, and invite all the friends i had, but that turned out to be a bust, as they were all busy with their family during the day. So, i arranged for them to come round in the evening, for a bit of a party, and during the day i did things to make it special for myself. I would buy myself a gift, something i had really wanted, to open on the day, and spend the day pampering myself, a nice bath, a special breakfast, a lovely walk with the dog..... It doesn't take all the sting out of it, but it does help somewhat.

  • Sad to read that some people here are dreading Christmas. It must be a terrible time to be alone. But I'm glad that those of you have have experienced it are there for others.
    Hope no one here experiences loneliness this Christmas.

  • I don't like Christmas.. Mainly because of as people said the ideal that everyone is together, big families all having fun etc etc... Even more frustrating is that Xmas adverts etc is so early now.. Making the pain and agony of it last longer!

    i am so sorry you are alone, I know people have said volunteering.but I know you don't want to come home to an empty house.. Could you go away? Stay in a nice hotel (abroad maybe?).. If you vounteer, you could go to a care home, or I go to my local animal rescue and look after the cats! The don't know it's Xmas!

  • I really, really feel for you alone at Xmas. I am fortunate enough not to be in that position at the moment or so far in my life.

    I am another who thinks going away for Xmas could be the best idea - if you're not too shy. There are hotels who do Xmas day for people; one of my friends used to go each year, (in Blackpool), for about five years on the go I think, and enjoyed it. You get a lovely Xmas dinner all cooked for you, more food later on, and no going home to an empty house that day. I guess if you're shy a hotel might be really not good. If you have an invitation, in your shoes I'd have a few drinks and go; people forgive you for being a bit drunk at Xmas and it makes it easier.

  • This is just a suggestion, however its one that worked for me.....
    I avoided television in fact i dont own one and dont really stream tv on my pc either. But the lack of advertising campaigns in your life regarding xmas will help you to see that really xmas is just another day... its just that we are being conditioned and trained to beleive that this day should be spent in a particular way.
    When i switched off from TV i became weird lol... but i also became more Tao - living in the moment.

  • "Ignoring Christmas is not allowed."
    "Being alone at Christmas is not allowed."
    "If you put up with parties and gatherings in order to avoid violating one of these prohibitions, complaining about it is not allowed."
    "Being alone at Christmas and being content about it is REALLY not allowed."

    At some point, most of us have bought into one or more of those prohibitions. Being miserable at Christmas comes from complying with the prohibitions, not from rejecting them.

    If you really want to be with people at Christmas, that's cool. Volunteer to serve Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter, or some such thing. Or, if you would really rather chuck the whole thing, do it! Don't let society's expectations rule you.

    My wife and I have decided to ignore the whole Christmas thing. We send a couple of cards to rellies who would be offended if we didn't, and that's it. To heck with expectations; it's just another day to us.

  • I do feel a little Sad for those people who feel alone at Crimbo , but also have an empathy for folks in general who feel alone at any time of the year . Some folks find this situation very difficult .

    Christmas for me is just another day ,
    New Years Eve ,my Birthday {just another day }
    Big 60, just another day {spent on own } bla bla bla .

    We get over it . :)

  • I suppose i could invite myself out to mix with peeps at Christmas but i still cant even bring myself round to liking them then so whats the point :)

    Ooooops nearly forgot :hippy:

  • I've always wanted to ignore it, but family/relationships got in the way of that :-D now I have kids, so it's gonna be a while yet! Still, the 5 minutes of joy on faces while they tear open their presents is lovely :-)

  • Oh when the kids were small Xmas eve was magical! I did the whole 9 yards for them. Loved it. But now they are older they will be out Xmas eve and may surface to eat something on Xmas day, and they gave jobs and want to get the hours in.
    So its not the same.
    I used to put the sherry and a carrot out, put them into bed and get their dad to jingle some bells outside and I'd say 'can you hear him?'.
    Then we'd wrap all the pressies and listen to cheesy music. Loved it x

  • My house is always manic at xmas,but theres always room for more!i can understand what people are saying about feeling they re putting on others,intruding etc,but dont be,from the invitees point ,i only ask if truely sure i can cope with another person,food wise,financially etc,and know the person will fit in and feel comfortable in our mad house,if you ve been asked i doubt it will be on a whim or out of pity,go for it and enjoy,its only 1 day,and a hand with the dishes is always welcome!

  • I actually organise my Christmas so I'm alone all day. It's a good time to "recharge my batteries", I find. I work in a shop, so always dealing with customers, and it's nice to have a rest from all that and just pleasing myself. So I have a lie in, open any presents I've been sent, go for a long walk, cook a venison stew, and Doctor Who in the evening!