Stress ..and how do i deal with it?

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  • Right.....I'm getting very stressed at the moment and i'm looking for ways/ideas to help.


    Firstly, a bit of background......I used to be a forestor/tree surgeon. I love anything to do with trees and the outdoors. But over 20 yrs ago a bust my shoulder badly. It kept on dislocating and I had an op to rebuild and tie it in place. I kept on working after the op and eventually the shoulder dislocated again. I was told to give up the heavy work or that I would need a further op which would mean I would lose most of my shoulder mobility. I carried on working on silly amounts of painkillers until I could work no more. I moved in to an office job - not easy as no one would employ me saying I wanted to work outdoors - true, but I have a mortgage to pay.


    The only job that I could find was working in insurance travel claims. I hated it but it paid the bills for a few years. Then I had enough of being abuse on the phone, so I found another job in insurance working for a broker. I hate it. i hate insurance. I hate the way insurance companies deal with people.......but it's what is putting food on my table and keeping a roof over my head.......and it's not all that well paid......I'm not working in the city and don't have bonuses, just working for a little provintial broker.


    So there's my problem. I can't find other work at the moment - there's nothing around and because I have 10 years insurance on my CV, any agency will only put me forward for insurance jobs. Hating the industry you work in is not a good feeling. I try and stay positive and drag myself to work everyday, but it feels like it is eating my soul. People are leaving and not being replaced, the workload is increasing and I am not sure how to cope anymore.


    In addition, my boy has a medical condition. Without going in to detail on an open forum, this means that I have to help him with personal care stuff every evening for at least an hour. My missus is great and would love to help more with this, but my boy is growing up and only really wants his Dad to do this stuff - which is understandable and I respect. Because of the medical stuff, we have a strict routine for mealtimes, food eaten, medical stuff etc so we don't get out in the evenings - I reckon about 5 times in the last 10 years!


    Everything is getting on top of me - I know I am more grumpy than I used to be and I don't want to be. Life has dealt us a few duff cards, but I know I shouldn't complain - there are people worse off than me. I just need some ways of coping with the stress. Any ideas would be gratefully received - you dn't know how gratefully;)


    I do a bit of wood burning in the evenings to try and switch off from things, and keep in touch with something more natural. But I feel that I am missing something, that there is some better way to deal with the stress and allow me (and also my family) to cope better.


    I walk in the woods helps clear my mind - but in the whole working/evening stuff routine, there is rarely time for that luxury.


    So I'm asking for your help. Please, any ideas would be very gratefully received.:hippy:


    That was a bit of a rant wasn't it.....sorry;)

  • I hear you Chilli and will have a think, but as an side I love my local broker I know it costs a bit more but they do take more time and give me free credit if I'm a little short, so they are no worse than any other insurance lot. But I know that is just an aside for you.

  • Does your wife know that you`re struggling with things Chilli? If you find it hard to talk with her then maybe talking things through face to face with a stranger might help to get things more sorted in your head..


    Routine can be a killer and you sound to me like someone who badly needs to break out of yours, even just for a few days. Is there any way that this can be arranged?? I understand that your son may be upset by this but for the greater good maybe you need to put yourself first even just for a short time.


    I have a lot of sympathy for your situation and i know that if i was there i`d be struggling too. Feel free to vent on here any time you like! :hug:

  • Thank you Mayfly. It's not brokers that I really have issue with. It's the money grabbing insurers. Most brokers want the best for their customers as most are small businesses. But the insurers......well, their attitude is as you might expect from big business. Make as much money as you can and screw everyone else!


    But until something better crops up I need to find a way to stay sane and be a nicer person to be around.

  • Thanks Emmadilemma. My wife is brilliant and knows exactly how I feel. That's why I want to find ways of dealing with the stress, so I'm not always a grumpy git. She had her fair share of crap from the situation as well. She has to make sure my boys food is made and on time and deal with any issues arising st school etc because of the medical stuff. Routine is the only thing that keeps the medical stuff on an even keel and prevents it being a bigger issue. My boy gets a break on Christmas Day and his birthday. Every other day we have to do the same old thing! He's growing up and as he gets older will be able to take over his routine more. But for now its how it is. Days out/holidays are planned round the meals and routine.


    The old saying goes 'don't worry about the things you can't change'. There's a lot of stuff I can't change right now, so I'm trying to get better at not worrying and changing my outlook for the better.

  • Can you get a break for yourselves, sounds like you could do with it, and it might help just having some time out of that stressful routine. I wouldn't know where to begin looking but there is an NHS carers site
    Sending you good thoughts.

  • sounds tough if you love d manual work that would piss me off you just get set into manual ways and feel like thats all tou know, did you say you did wood burning or wood turning? just with your knowledge of wood could you sort of work on something to do with wood? like the small lighter stuff, maybee turning it or maybe firewood, i know an old bloke nets a good wage splitting kindling that he sells in bags for peoples bbq s fires etc at garages etc, i guess the worst bit though is lugging the big bits of wood to make the little ones,
    sounds a pain dude, but try not to get stressed i know its tough but stress just buggers everything up. Try n keep your head clear,

  • Can you get a break for yourselves, sounds like you could do with it, and it might help just having some time out of that stressful routine. I wouldn't know where to begin looking but there is an NHS carers site
    Sending you good thoughts.


    Thanks for the link - I will have a look around there and see what I can find.


    I'd love some time out, so would my wife. We just can't find how to get it. My boy is 11, he looks fit and well, he goes to school and does well. But he has a fairly rigid food/mealtime routine and then this personal stuff we have to do in the evenings - so people don't think we fit in to needing stuff like respite care. We had a community paediatric nurse come out a couple of times when we were changing a few things in the evening to help/advise, but they are stretched so thin on the ground that there are others that need their help more than us.
    My parents are great and help when they can, but cant do the personal stuff as my boy doesn't want them to. Plus my mum is waiting for major heart surgery so I don't want to put more stress on to her than I need to.

  • sounds tough if you love d manual work that would piss me off you just get set into manual ways and feel like thats all tou know, did you say you did wood burning or wood turning? just with your knowledge of wood could you sort of work on something to do with wood? like the small lighter stuff, maybee turning it or maybe firewood, i know an old bloke nets a good wage splitting kindling that he sells in bags for peoples bbq s fires etc at garages etc, i guess the worst bit though is lugging the big bits of wood to make the little ones,
    sounds a pain dude, but try not to get stressed i know its tough but stress just buggers everything up. Try n keep your head clear,


    I am trying not to get stressed, but things keep landing on top of me and I'm beginning to feel like I'm getting buried! I'd love to find a way to make money out of wood working, but I'm not sure that's so easy. I got a respected wood turner to give me some turning lessons and enjoyed it. But finding time to practice is hard. And the guy reckoned that even he has difficulty making ends meet and he can turn out wooden bowls on a contract order of something like 100 or more a week!
    I try selling a few of my wood burnings, but it's a luxury item and most people don't have the spare cash.....at least it covers the costs of my hobby and the wood burning does help keep me calmer so that's great - just wish i could make a living from it!


    I post up pics of my woodie stuff here http://www.ukhippy.com/stuff/s…d.php?59971-Wooden-things

  • Tried lookin into evening courses somewhere to learn a new trade and maybe the course its self will be a bit of release for ya? Maybe talk it through with ya gal an ya could even do summit together an both start summit new together?


    Karen and I have talked about doing something together. Can't hit on the magic formula of what to do yet, but it's definitely something that would be cool to do. Evening courses are difficult to get to at the mo. They all tend to start when we are sorting out the evening stuff at home. I've managed to fit in a bit of wood turning lessons into gaps at the weekend, but I really need to find time to practice that, and I have to borrow a lathe as well. I'm a firm believer that something does generally turn up if you keep looking - I'm just trying to find ways of keeping calmer and not have a breakdown before that happens.;)



    And thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to reply and offer advice. It really does mean a lot that people out there care enough to read my ramblings and respond:hippy:

  • Am guessing that you work full time so would cutting down to a 4 day week be a possibility? That would give you a whole extra day to try to promote/expand your wood burning, with the added advantage of spending less time at the place you hate each week.


    As far managing the stress you have at the minute, mindfulness is a great technique. It`s been mentioned on here a lot in the past but that`s because it works!


    http://bemindful.co.uk/

  • I'm in a similar situation with my job, but without the added stress and pressures of having an injury and being a carer. I can only really tell you what I did / am doing:


    If you can't change your situation, change your perspective. It's ok to work to live, do as little hours as possible and make sure "life"is winning in your work life balance.


    Definitely spend as much time wood burning / doing other hobbies as you can. Things that you enjoy and embellish your life. I do yoga which massively helps with my stress levels and study / self learn in the field I'd like to move in to. Makes me feel like i'm living and I forget that I'm "stuck" for the time being...


    I really believe opportunities will eventually arise for you, but it's important to remember that you can be happy and accepting of what you have got for the moment :)

  • Am guessing that you work full time so would cutting down to a 4 day week be a possibility? That would give you a whole extra day to try to promote/expand your wood burning, with the added advantage of spending less time at the place you hate each week.


    As far managing the stress you have at the minute, mindfulness is a great technique. It`s been mentioned on here a lot in the past but that`s because it works!


    http://bemindful.co.uk/


    Thanks for the link - I will investigate that.


    Going part time is not an option. Money is fairly tight as it is. Not sure we could shave the expenses much further to do without a days wage. And my boss would not go for it. We've lost over a quarter of the office staff to other roles or maternity etc and no-one else has been brought in - so if I did go to 4 days, I would just be asked to do 5 days work in 4 days - it would not be reallocated to anyone else - and I struggle sometimes as it is to even find my desk under the files :eek::D. I am trying to fit in stuff like turning at the weekends. But real life tends to get in the way, and there's always a car needs fixing, DIY in the house/garden, other stuff to be fixed so the place isn't falling down round our ears.


    If someone could get me a few more hours in the day, that would help ;)


  • I too believe that things get better and opportunities arise. I just need to survive till then.


    I can't cut my work hours anymore. I moved jobs a year and a half ago to reduce my daily commute - i'm now only 15 minutes drive from home. I took a cut in job benefits, pensions etc to make the move and whilst it has reduced the stress for a while, the levels are building again due to lack of staff and the fact that I just do not agree (morally) with a lot of the attitude/decisions I get from insurers every day.


    I wish I could find a way to block that out.....but then would I be me? I mean, what you think, what you believe, is what makes you who you are. Can I find a way of surviving my present job ( I won't call it a career, cos I didn't chose it) or does surviving my job mean becoming a person I don't like and I don't want to be - someone who just doesn't care if certain decisions are wrong/immoral?


    Any hoo....enough of my ranting........my little girl has told me to do Yoga - a wise head on young shoulders. Any tips on how/where to start. It's not something I've ever tried before.

  • And thank you to Lord Summerisle for your PM.....I'm not offended - I'm open to any ideas. Thank you for taking the time to message me. Can't reply by PM to you directly for some reason.

  • I feel your pain, I really do! Of course you should care & not be apathetic - this is positive. Its just the resultant stress isn't...


    Try not to give yourself too much of a hard time. You're working to provide for yourself and family, and whilst I don't want to cast aside your personal situation and feelings, there are a lot of us in the same boat! Don't let your sh*tty job detract from your self worth. You're certainly not becoming a worse person.


    Yoga wise - I bought a cheap book from the Works which had a history / spiritual background (along with asanas) and then joined a beginners class. I find the physical exertion along with the need for inner focus very calming. Its about focusing on your inner self - just what you need :)


    - - - Updated - - -


    I feel your pain, I really do! Of course you should care & not be apathetic - this is positive. Its just the resultant stress isn't...


    Try not to give yourself too much of a hard time. You're working to provide for yourself and family, and whilst I don't want to cast aside your personal situation and feelings, there are a lot of us in the same boat! Don't let your sh*tty job detract from your self worth. You're certainly not becoming a worse person.


    Yoga wise - I bought a cheap book from the Works which had a history / spiritual background (along with asanas) and then joined a beginners class. I find the physical exertion along with the need for inner focus very calming. Its about focusing on your inner self - just what you need :)

  • struggling with stress too.. mostly at work - under pressure which i obviously cannot handle.. only thing that works for me is glass of wine/ beer, which is not easy to realize if i'm working at that moment.. but yoga should help too, or deep breathing technique

  • you can pick up beginners yoga dvds online cheaply - that way you can do them when you have time. try and get one that incorporates breathing/meditation too as this will help you. and i ditto mindfulness that emma mentioned - she leant me a book called the miracle of mindfulness which is fantastic and gives you lots of examples of how to incorporate mindfullness into your every day life.


    can you go on a bctv course or something, just in the day - maybe with your son, so you are getting him outside and being in the woods together? i know it's not the same as being paid for it but if you are able to share your interests and teach him at the same time that might make you feel better. the rspb do lots of things you can do with kids and there's lots of free things you can find to do together. if you're going out and doing bushcraft or something with him, you can plan your day around his meals (if you can take a picnic for example). I just thought that might help.


    other things for stress in general i have found, although obvious getting enough sleep and drinking lots. my stress levels increase massively if i have not been drinking enough. you can try herbal remedies to help but obviously they only do so much. and exercise. i guess this might be limited for you because of your shoulder but managing to just do ten minutes exercise a day will reduce stress levels. and healthy eating - long term.

    we reenact Noah's ancient drama, but in reverse, like a film running backwards, the animals exiting

  • Thank you for all your replies. lots to think about and try and do. And I think that is one of the keys. I have to try and do something - get something to fit in with the parts of my life that aren't moveable at the moment.


    Because of work and my sons routine, we are really set in a routine. I have to get up and get ready for work. Help Karen get the kids sorted etc. Then work in a crap job till 5-5.30. then it's home, half our to eat and then on to the evening medical routine. then sort out kids bed times so it's usually gone 8.30 - 9pm before we can sit down, talk about the day, sort out normal boring stuff like bills etc.
    Weekends are taken up with DIY to keep the house from falling down, Gardening and sometimes working on the camper.


    I know that routine is the best thing for my sons condition at the moment, but I am going to have to find a corner of the day somewhere to allow for yoga or something.

  • Hello Chilicamper!
    www.yogatoday.com will send you a free class a week if you join their mailing list. There is also lots and lots of stuff on youtube about meditation and yoga. I cannot tell you how much my life has changed and transformed with yoga and meditation. They can be done anytime anywhere. (I have literally sat in the loos in a job I hated meditating!) I was so stressed and unhappy, and it was making me unwell. I know some of it is a bit "out there" but keep looking about and find the right teacher for you - there are so many there will be a right one for you somewhere!
    If you really struggle for time, youtube vinyasa or sun salutations, these are super easy to learn and will give you an all over stretch and breathing exercise. If you can only grab 5 mins that day - then you can do 2!
    As a 'life coach' I would ask you to try and be as clear as you can be about what is happening and what is the ideal/altern
    ative situation. Then take one step to making it happen. I would love to send you a wheel of life exercise that is great for evaluating key areas of your life and identify steps forward. I cannot get it to work! drop me an email and I will send you my version with instructions, or simply internet search Wheel of life and use a template and instructions you can find there.
    I hope my 'personal development' ramblings help!
    Charlotte

  • Cheers for that Charlotte! I will do some more searching on the net/youtube.....theres just so much stuff out there its a bit bewildering to know what to do or how to start. I shall also look up the Wheel of Life stuff. Thanks again