Is this just me being miserable?

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  • hi guys, this is something that has been bothering me a great deal lately, any help/advice/general comments would be greatly appreciated. Basically I have been panicking more and more that my life has already been planned out for me. Go to uni, get a job so I can pay off a mortgage, have a family and settle down. What if I dont want to spend my life miserable in a 9 to 5 job, doing what everybody else is doing, a slave to a salary. Not so I can sit on my arse watching Jezza Kyle all day, but so I can use my life to help others, help the planet, volunteer, raise a family. I just want to live as simply as possible. I know there will be hard work involved. I just can't help but feel that most people now are just being brainwashed by the media or whatever to desire/work for things that they dont really need, becoming greedy, polluting the planet. Every day I'm bombarded with people implying that if I decide against living as everyone else does then I'm lazy. When I tried to discuss this with my boyfriend he just told me I'm being crazy and that I decide what I do with my life. If I choose against it all am I doomed to live on a park bench? Will it ruin my life? I feel totally trapped. Is it really possible to be free? :(

  • Go for your live as you want to. You're on the right place to find people to help you. The thoughts you have about being trapped and how the media etc brainwash so many is a common one. Go for a voluntary job,there must be something near you that strikes a chord with you. As for the being greedy and buying stuff they didn't need, well I own up to probably being like that in the past, can't do so now...haven't got the money for a start and just wouldn't go back to that if I could. Try to find a job, paid or voluntary that makes YOU happy and does something somewhat more than just making money for some big conglomerate.
    Good luck with can do it.........keep asking around on here and some of those better than I will come forward to give you tips and inspiration

  • Is it really possible to be free? :(

    Depends what you define as "free". Life is hard work. You need food, clothes and shelter, and providing those has always been a toil for the vast majority of the human race. But that's not the same as life being a drag ;)

    Just because you need to work hard at life, it doesn't mean that you have to fit into the 9-5 work pattern or burden yourself down with a mortgage. But equally, you might find a 9-5 job that you actually enjoy and that rewards and enriches you. Seems like you have a very negative view at the moment, which is understandable given how intimidating all that responsibility can look. My advice would be to sit down and decide what makes you happy, what kind of lifestyle you need in order to achieve that, and how you can make that lifestyle a reality. Maybe it'll be something you have to work towards in stages, or maybe there's a big change you can make right now. But worrying and fretting about it won't help - do something practical to manifest the future you desire. :)

  • I've worked for myself most of my life, tried working for others but don't really do it so well, its not the work part i don't cope with, its some thing else, feeling trapped and beholden in a way i spose. Something i don't feel working for myself. I've done all sorts to earn money (all perfectly legal i might add. lol ) carboots,markets, bought and sold horses, I also paint but my main thing has always been gardening... and some of my regulars needed help in one way or another, especially the older ones, I've made phone calls to sort out bills, got them help for other things, ran them to the shops or hospital, ok none of the help I gave was in a poverty stricken country... it was on my own door step.... maybe you want more, but the point I'm making is that you don't have travel far or dig wells to make a difference to some ones life and it is possible to work and make a difference. some thing simple can make a big difference to a lonely persons life. I will say though that you do what your heart tells you. there will be always be things in life you regret no matter what path you choose, but experience as much as you can.

  • I sometimes wish there was a *like* button for posts like Sues, above :)
    Atomic is right too - there are basic survival needs that we have to meet but lots of work isn't 9-5 and it doesn't have to be boring even if the hours are typical...
    Remember the old adage, 'find a job that you enjoy and you'll never have to work a day in your life...' x

  • If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? If you are going into one of the professions, you will end up doing far more than 38 hours work a week. It seems like you want to have a family, well put that on your bucket list for your life.

  • I worked in a profession for the last twenty five years. Had an industrial accident which has given me real pause. Now that I can't due to health reasons, go back to what I did before I feel terribly liberated. Of course, I'm so grateful to all the good professionals that look out for me and mine but I simply couldn't be part of all that now. It's so nice to spend time with my own child and not feel perpetually exhausted. Am doing an environmental course at the moment and love it. Probably wont do it as a career as I'm a bit frail these days but met some young people on the course who are getting so much out of it (it's very practical and hands on and a really, really useful thing to do). Most of the second year students are prepared to travel to rural places and have landed jobs now. Perhaps something like this if you're in to nature and preserving it? Definitely more of a lifestyle change than a career change if you want it. Best wishes.
    By the way Abii, you're not being miserable, you're being sensible and working it out now. Good luck to you.

  • thankyou everyone for advice and support. It's not just the career side of things that bother me though...its feeling like I'm being controlled by this government, tricked almost. I feel as though I'm only just starting to realise that everything is just a cycle of things being hidden and watching everybody be forced to give up their hard eared money in taxes and all for nothing. it makes me upset I just wish people were allowed to be free and happy. I know that's not the world we live in but I just wish so much that it was *sigh*

  • Aye, we're all being tricked = and throwing good money after bad to pay for a capitalist banking system that has no capital - it's just numbers on a screen that affect real people though. Funny thing is, more fool us that we're not doing something about it and everyone else isn't seeing through it. The capitalist system is broke - so what capital do we have left? time, skills, resources, community, knowledge... they're all capital, they just aren't money.

    Sorry for the rant there, it's something I've been thinking about a lot recently. Don't worry though, all the pieces of your puzzle will come together in time... there's no surer thing. Just have faith and patience!


  • That's exactly my thinking right now CalonDdraig. I just don't think there's much I can do, and even if I did do something how much difference would it make? but then if everyone thought like that we'd never do anything would we?! It's like whenever I speak to anyone about it, they just say I'm paranoid/overthinking it. Nice one, I need to work on my patience, aha!

  • I just don't think there's much I can do, and even if I did do something how much difference would it make?

    Hi Abii - By changing what you do can impact what others then do. A simple example would be going vegetarian, by choosing to do this, your friends would probably stop offering you meat.

    You've not saved the world by making this change, but you've made the change for a better YOU. People do take note of this and you may influence others to make this change as well.

    I hope this helps.

  • Hi Abii
    I was quite similar, stuck in a dead end job and hating it. It took me until I was nearly 30 to find out what I wanted. Now I've completely changed my life and work at sea doing 4 weeks on and 4 weeks off. For me its the perfect job, whilst I'm away I don't have to worry about any crap going on in the country, and when I'm home, I've plenty of time for family. What I'm saying is you can find whats right for you but you need to take that first step and just go for it. Good luck with what you decide :D

  • I've been thinking the same recently, I'm on a year out between a-levels and uni, have a place at manchester doing engineering, but... I dont want to do 9 to 5, I dont want to be a slave to my salery, and I dont want to be wallowing in debt, not enjoying myself (not about student loans, they are cheep as chips). I am still going to go to uni because my life is engineering, i am an engineer through and through, but I hate being a desk jokey. I think il finish uni and then see what happens, but if at any point I dont like it (for a fundamental reason) then I shall change :)

    (not really advice of any sort, but I find myself in a similar situation and maby you can take something from my (loose) plane :) )

    peace and love x

  • I feel the same way a lot of the time. I managed to avoid going to uni even though there has always been massive pressure on me to go from almost every angle... I am so glad I refused to go because I KNEW it wasn't for me and I'm now happier through not going. My advice is... Find what you deeply desire to do with your life and go for it at full steam. Make yourself happy, not your parents or your peers. I think that the purpose of life is to find happiness and if you feel that working 9-5 and becoming a slave to your salary is not what will make you happy, then avoid it at all costs! I WISH the world wasn't the way it is (in the sense that you are made to feel like you can't get anywhere without getting a degree and a job and ultimately money). Good luck! Keep your chin up and know yourself.

  • I spent the first 35 years of my life feeding the corporate jukebox, just working to put the pennies in and listen to the right music. Then I realised that I was actually good at something which I hated doing - this was after gaining qualifications, years of experience and so on. So I decided to change the focus of my life and separate the 'good' elements of my job from the 'bad'. Consequently I did a few years going back to University (at age 35 - so no need to rush in to education earlier in life if you don't feel it's right for you) It's difficult to give up the lifestyle that you accumulate through a good salary - but you do gain a wondrous 'ego-compass' when you watch the reactions of your friends! :D A decade later I was working loosely for a few companies in the UK and on around half what I was on previously, now, just a few years later, I work across Europe and am earning as much, if not more than I was initially! This may seem like a rambling 'me me me' story, but I am trying to make the point that you can always change your way in life! Don't feel forced into being pigeon-holed if you want to soar like an eagle! Choose your path the best way you can, and never be afraid of change! (or criticism):thumbup:

  • Oh, and I forgot to say, being freelance now gives me the awesome opportunity of being able to travel around in my Motorhome. Being Nomadic is my way of life and has been for the last few years. Don't bow down to the people who tell you that you need to be as miserable as they are! It's just a jealous reaction from people who don't have the courage to begin their own journey!