16 kids and counting

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  • Im not sure if anyone else has seen this series on tv?
    its a insight into the lives of bigger families in the UK.
    I personally don't believe in having big families. Coming from a large family of children. (there's ten siblings) I have a good insight into the lifestyle. im not attacking others for having large families but personally i find it a awful idea.
    After posting my views on fuckupbook i have been inboxed a really hateful message about" how dare you criticize big families when you are part of one yourself"
    what do others think?

  • Basic maths - divide parental attention by number of children. Diminishing returns, innit? Wasn't so bad when we had larger communities and extended families, but in the modern, atomised world, it's a very different proposition. Not to mention the fact that I think it's quite selfish for people to have kids in middle age.

  • determinately atomic. i can never remember having quality time with my mother as she was always busy with a new baby. this is true for all of us. im not slating all big family im just basing my opinion on my experiences

  • I watched it too. All I can imagine is that everyone must get incredibly stressed out - who wants to live like that?

  • I don't know how other people manage, but I felt that the quality of the parenting diminished as the family grew bigger. It's amazing how many things can be hidden in a large family. It's only talking with the kids in adulthood I have found out some pretty difficult stuff :(

  • yes thats exactly right. there were horrible things happening when we were young. the fact that mother couldnt parent us all efficiently was a large part of the problem, i know there are larger families who have a great life but my experiences have formed my opinion to be honest. I dont think that there is ever the perfect family size but i think when older siblings have to parent the others there is something wrong. this was happening alot on that programme. Also one of the families sent their children to bed in clothes which were then worn the next day when they went out. Not a good advert for parenting!

  • I know of one example where a larger family is happy - the kids and the mother. But I could never have done it (pre-having my tubes operated on, obviously I can't have kids at all now).


    I don't get telly channels so I can't comment on the program but it is true, most of us don't have the large family/neighbour communities which were once a big part of every day life. So it is very different for kids and parents of a larger family, today.

  • I come from 3 and I have 3. I find 3 to be a nice number, tho' I reckon I could quite easily go to 5. Once upon a time I was told that 1 is a job, 2 is a babysitter and 3 is a family, because there are always 2 fighting! Other parents I know with the one and two don't know what to do when our lot come over, yet when they drop theirs over at ours... well I personally hardly notice the imports at all.
    IMO, small - one and two child family miss out on a lot of social problem solving skills, and the parents miss out on a lot of management. I don't think I could do ten. I see your points raised regarding intimacy between parents and children. As I go with three, I am still finding the jealousy and ownership that goes on amongst them in somewhat unsettling.
    Question: In a super large family of ten... is there such thing as 'mummy (or daddy)'s favourite and rivalry therein? Thx.

  • Am I alone in finding it very irresponsible also? ! given the world we live in, and are destroying at an incredible pace.


    Not at all. Sadly some people seem oblivious to the fact that the earth is over populated by humans and there's not enough resources for everyone to live in a resource hungry fashion :S


  • Question: In a super large family of ten... is there such thing as 'mummy (or daddy)'s favourite and rivalry therein? Thx.


    oh there definately is! Although Most of us suffered some kind of abuse be it emotional, sexual or physical there was two of the siblings who couold never do anything wrong, where given the best and treated differently. this wasnt due to gender, age or anything else. its just the way things were :cry:

  • i had seven children all grown up now
    treated them equally and had enough love to share between them all
    when my youngest was born my eldest was 11 and there was 5 inbetween
    it was hard work hubby was working long hours but i enjoyed every minute of it
    everyone had cuddles and love
    we had great family picnics i remember the fun


    but i think things have changed since mine were little quite dramatically
    the economic climate housing jobs etc
    parenting has changed
    i personally wouldnt have a large family if i was starting out now things are much tougher

  • i had seven children all grown up now
    treated them equally and had enough love to share between them all

    You'd be hard pressed to find any parent who'd admit to anything less though ;)


    Putting aside the issue of love, it's an inescapable fact of physics that time is finite. Every child you have reduces the time that you can spend with the rest of your children.

  • You'd be hard pressed to find any parent who'd admit to anything less though ;)


    Putting aside the issue of love, it's an inescapable fact of physics that time is finite. Every child you have reduces the time that you can spend with the rest of your children.


    yes people wont admit to not coping but seriously you can ask anyone in my area i did cope
    yeah i had probs with a couple of them as teenagers getting into the wrong shit but who hasent


    time is finite
    i agree but my love was shared equally
    i had my kids 24/7 unless they were at school i had no mum and a dad who worked full time as did hubby no aunties grandparents or anyone to take my kids for an hour here and there
    we did activities in a group no one was left out


    i know were your coming from stu but honestly my kids would tell you themselves they didnt miss out on anything


    as i said earlier though having a large family now i doubt i would


    - - - Updated - - -


    good to see you back by the way

  • I seem to have some mums on facebook that see is as a competition who can have the most children and if you have less than their 4,5,6,7 well you got it easy....competitive breeding LMAO :D


    I wouldn't want alot of children either, I would imagine that some of them would be missing out, especially the quiet good ones!


    Also then the parent role is also fostered onto the older siblings....now I'm not saying that is a bad thing completely but I think it is if it is relied upon....at the end of the day they are doing parenting skills when they've not chosen to become a parent.


    I also know of mums that just seem to love the baby years, love the attention of pregnancy and not really start to enjoy them as they grow older. I know everyones family is different and we have them for different reasons, just generally commenting on some people I know.

  • yes people wont admit to not coping but seriously you can ask anyone in my area i did cope

    I'm sure you coped, but that doesn't detract from the fact that if you have seven kids, your time has to be divided between them. It's an inescapable fact that you can't give seven kids as much time and attention as you can give one kid.


    Quote

    i know were your coming from stu but honestly my kids would tell you themselves they didnt miss out on anything

    Which is why personal examples are always pointless in discussions like this. Just coz your kids say it, it doesn't make it so. :shrug:

  • but surely personal examples are how we draw our information
    if it wasent for peoples experiences on a variety of subjects how woould info be drawn up


    anyways i have flu so am going to opt out of this as i have said all i can hun

  • but surely personal examples are how we draw our information
    if it wasent for peoples experiences on a variety of subjects how woould info be drawn up

    But if you say something is so based solely on your experience, then nobody can contradict that without criticising you personally or calling you a liar. They're also incredibly subjective, and virtually every parent thinks they give their kids enough time and love. :shrug:

  • Tough topic. potentially inflammable, yet calm. Logic and theory, always a helpful measure. Experience and practise, ultimately the individuals conclusion.

  • not seen the programme but on a personal note, 3 children is more than enough. Charlie has lost out on attention due to having two much younger siblings but has gained two great little peoples who idolise him ;) having 2 littleones 16m apart in my mid 30's was alot easier in many ways to having 1 through my twenties and early 30's due to increased confidence and emotional maturity but the thought of having anymore terrifies me. It would be completely irresponsible for me to have anymore, for a myriad of reasons...mortality, time, energy, patience etc. Call the Midwife recently showed what life was like before accessible efficient contraception and legal termination....fucking terrifying!!

  • im sure you were a brilliant parent sensi. im sure not all large families are like mine. I have four children with a large gap between. im not knocking all large families im just saying I dont think its a good idea. there was never enough time money or love to go round but Mother and stepdad kept having more children oblivious. exactly how the asian dad is on 16 kids and counting!

  • .... and often short ;)


    absolutely!! And the most nauseating thing is that we are so bloody lucky in this country to have access to both contraception and termination and women and babies are still dying all over the world because other people do not have access to those two things!! People are so complacent about birth in the developed world...I should probably go and watch the programme before i comment much further ;)


    Good to see you posting Atomik :) was starting to think that you had gone and ascended yourself over the winter solstice and was now vibrating at a higher frequency :scared: :pp share the bounty's out then.... dark choc, thanks ;) X

  • i don't think my body would cope with 16 full term pregnancies :eek:

    nor mine!!! can you imagine ... permanently pregnant or breastfeeding... for years and years and years.... absolute nightmare!!! I do wonder with some of these women whether they are actually addicted to pregnancy? and with some of them, there is the thought that perhaps they are chasing the "perfect" birth :(