What's your parenting style and why?

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  • Hi everyone!

    I'm starting this post as part of some research that I'm doing for my dissertation (I'm doing a BAhons in Children's learning and Support Studies). I've been inspired to study parenting styles as my topic because, as a mum of three, I have adopted different parenting styles with each and I'm interested to see what approach other parents take and the reasons for people's choices of parenting style.
    There are no set questions or right or wrong responses. It would just be great to hear your natural, honest approach to bringing up your children....like having a big chat with loads of friends!
    I'd like to say thank you so much in advance for taking part as I will not be part of the thread because I don't want to influence anyone's responses!

    Thank you!

  • What exactly do you mean by Parenting style? Maybe if you asked specific questions or gave scenarios and asked what parents would do, it would mean more people will respond? :-)

  • I wasn't sure what you meant either, it varies so much as all 3 of my children are very different people and what works for one doesn't work for the other :S

  • I like shades and a pair of flares :D next it'll be can you match that to your childs learning style by the by thats stealth style embelshed with sulk

  • What exactly do you mean by Parenting style? Maybe if you asked specific questions or gave scenarios and asked what parents would do, it would mean more people will respond? :-)

    I didn't want to actually ask questions as it might influence peoples responses but I guess it might be wise considering not many people messaged back!
    Parenting styles...i.e. attachment parenting (no structure or particular routine, breast feeding on demand, co-sleeping, baby wearing, responding to baby's ques immediately etc) Stuctured parenting (possibly following childcare 'expert' books/suggestions, controlled crying, back to bed approach, time out, sleeping in own room) or bits of both extremes. Why you choose parenting style = had to change preferred style due to going back to work, size of family (i.e. juggling family time successfully), partner/husband prefers different methods, pressure from health professionals (i.e. breast is best vs bottle feeding or encouraged not to co-sleep), post natal depression/unable to breast feed etc etc.
    Thank you for replying and hope this helps :)

  • I wasn't sure what you meant either, it varies so much as all 3 of my children are very different people and what works for one doesn't work for the other :S

    I completely agree with what you're saying...I'm exactly the same! This is one of the reasons why I'm researching this topic as I have used different techniques with each of my three children too. Reasons such as age (being wiser and knowing what you're doing with subsequent children), becoming more confident when dealing with health profesionals (not being influenced by their opinions), changes in life circumstances (i.e. career/marraige/step parent/change of partner), confidence levels increase/decrease depending on personal circumstances (post natal depression/baby blues/suceeding with breast feeding/discovering new techniques/experiencing a positive/difficult birth).
    These are some (not all!) of my own personal experiences!
    Hope this helps! Thank you for taking part! :)

  • Yeah I think alot for me was about confidence, with my first there was so much 'advice' it was too much tbh, from good meaning family and friends to midwives, ante-natal, magazines etc etc...and also having a first baby with colic wasn't easy either, I worried so much about him, was stressed about cot death, would panic at every odd snuffle at night, then come second baby, was much more relaxed about everything and third was a doddle lol

    sleep wise, always bought them into bed with me whilst BF in the early days, or if just needed us with bad dreams, cuddles, nightmares etc, then around 6 months the first went into his own room....come third baby she went into her own room when she was about 3.

    Eldest child is still my guinea pig, everything is always new with him but the other two have other issues of there own that he never did. He needs a firm hand, my daughter needs a quick word and the others a toddler so still figuring her out lol

    Getting older and more experience always helped but have a loving husband and have never had to cope on my own.

    They are 11, 9(nearly) and 3, could ramble more :)

  • Thank you Cuckoo! Much appreciated :D xx

  • I am not sure how much detail you want, so I am just going to waffle on :p
    I tried really hard to have a routine with my first one, as I was told all the time that was what he needed. Luckily I failed, breastfed on demand, fed him when he was hungry with solids, let him sleep in bed with me, as getting out of bed in the middle of winter to feed him was just a silly idea, I really struggled to get him to sleep in his own bed, but once he sussed it he was brill. I still brought him into my bed if he was upset though, and he would appear and get in as he got older.
    My second one was born when the eldest was 21 months old, so he did not get as much time and attention, but he is an independent soul, and was happy in his own skin from day one. Another winter baby, another baby in the bed for breastfeeding at night, but he did not get in our bed as much as he got older and was in his cot.
    I spent a lot of time just talking to them, doing colours, shapes, baking, clay modelling etc, we would sing and make music all the time, even though I am tone deaf and can just about bang a drum. They both did playgroup and nursery from 2 years old as well. I went back to work 3 days a week when the youngest was 18 months.

    When I was with their dad, we had lots of shouting and shyte stuff happening, and anything I told the kids to do their dad would undermine me, so they became little sods for a while. When I kicked him out the lads were 7 and 5, and they set the rules of the house, no tantrums, no arguing, sit down and say what you had to say, and if you got angry go to your room and come back down when you can smile. We still have them rules now, with the addition of do your homework and always let me know where your going and when you have got there. :)

    Toddler training was a book I used a lot, as the eldest had his first major tantrum at 9mth old and grew to be a strong minded sod who would take the world on if he thought he was right. I had to practise my neutral face, walk out of rooms when he started creating an argument, and treat him as though he did not exist when he was lashing out, the latter really worked, and he is now a lovely young man with a lot of self control. I did however have to square up to him and smack him bloody hard when he was 14 and drunk :O Threw him out and packed his room up twice, never had to do that ever again after that. The second has been a dream, until hitting 16, he is a bit moody and crap, but now he has a job at weekends, and knows what he wants to do with the next few years, he is becoming a pleasure again.
    Writing this has made me realise how proud I am of my kids. :) I have always told them to think for themselves and not to be swayed by peers. This has backfired, as my eldest is a meat eating, nuclear energy supporting, atheist, who is wanting to study genetics as part of his biology degree :vomit:

  • I researched a lot when I was pregnant and did hypnobirthing, lotus birth, home birth, natural upright birth and sat in the bath. I planned to breastfeed but couldn't latch on or make any milk and was the worst 3 days of my life. Then bottle fed with organic milk after using a horrible pump for a week. No routine, put her to sleep initially in a Moses basket next to the bed and in the bed half way through the night. Lay with her to get to sleep. Tried to do the thing where you let them fall asleep in the crib after a bath around 7 pm and story when maybe 6 months and kept going in...it didn't feel right and was lots of Agro...quite often would go in and lye with her on the bed til she fell asleep then put her back in the crib. She would end up in my bed ...will finish later my bubba wants a game!

  • Then she kept getting up really early so I thought Im not going to waste her time and mine trying to persuade her to sleep when she doesn't want to she can go to sleep when she indicates she is tired, whatever time it is and I will goto sleep when she does and wake up she does. So now we often sleep about 9 or 10pm and wake at about 1oam or 11 am. She still wakes up for a drink or dummy about 3 times a night but goes off to sleep in seconds and falls asleep immediately at night after a story and every other night a bath unless I'm out somewhere. People often judge me for being out with her in the evenings but if we don't have to be up for something I don't see the point. I just think those people Are following social norms without really analyzing the reasons behind why they chose certain behaviors. I use baby led weaning so she indicates when she wants to eat and doesn't get pressured. I use unconditional parenting from Alfie kohns book which fits with my morals and beliefs. I have never gone to get her weighed and after doing some research decided not to vaccinate anymore until I have looked into both sides of the argument and eviden e more thoroughly. I use homeopathy if possible and avoid antibiotics or any painkillers or allopathic medicines unless I feel it's really required. I avoid health visitors who keep inviting themselves to my home even though I never referred myself to the service when moving somewhere new. I believe that the system is there more for its own. Interest than to benefit parents and spreads anxiety which is largely used to control. Sorry she wants me again

  • Having said that it has a place for people who feel they need it just like allopathic medicine has a place...I just think common practice has been distorted and if you look on the aims website I am far from alone...sorry to be controversial. I am not meaning to offend anyone who has a differing view!

  • I use positive reaction. Whenever my son does something good I praise him for it & as a rule am silly & have fun with him. He will often ask for something reasonable which he will get (Nothing that is expensive or anything that spoils him)

    When he's naughty (Which is very rare nowadays) I will sit with him & explain what he's done, the implications of these actions & why this is not acceptable behaviour so he can fully understand why it's not acceptable. Then I explain to him that because of his actions he will have to accept his punishment. And he will receive no perks for that day. I only have had to do this once or twice in his life (He's 10 now) and I also tell him that his actions has disappointed me.

    My mum used to always say to me, Never blame someone for the mistakes they make but expect them to pay for them. Its something I live by.

  • We are a co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand, non-vaccinating household. I babywear rather than using a pushchair even though Finn is over two now. We are not UP but I don't use time-outs or naughty steps or whatever, have never done controlled crying or cry it out. I gently parent has much as I can.

  • We are radical unschoolers and attachment parents. My parenting style is very relaxed and free and I respect my daughter's decisions as much as possible. She is two and I'm still breastfeeding and will continue to do so until she is ready to wean. I also co-sleep, baby-wear, etc.