The recent worrying state of my girlfriend

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  • I am close to my girlfriend but i am friends with her at the moment as she is going a bit weird, i am there for her and i think and hope this is a wobble, possibly brought on by a number of events, we went through a termination i think which was two months ago, we held each other and i tried my best as did she to carry on as normal.


    I live an hour away and cant always see her all the time and recently i did feel we were completely different people with different opinions on life etc, so i guess i was building up walls between me and her, and i think to be fair i was becoming a bit of an a hole, ie id turn up we would have sex then id stop or go to work, then i took to sleeping on her couch when i stopped at hers, she works as a receptionists but hasnt been in this week.


    This is when the weird stuff started, she began by (she has to go to library or her friends to get internet access)


    so i come home to find she s written fek off you fekker on my posts or points of interests in the coments section, she then started on her brothers girlfriend and her brother her boss her brothers girlfriends boss, on fb,


    I asked whats going on she said that all these questions kept racing up from us all all a bit nasty, so she replied,


    then she started texting me, one said shes on radio 1 i am on radio 2 when i rang her she said the radio had been weird today like everything has a meaning,


    I stopped at hers last night and got her to talk and tried my best to councell her, i talked calmly and she seemed to calm down, she wanted me to come to bed with her i refused i said id sleep on the couch but she pleaded so i went up, i slept ie kept the bo sex rule at the moment, she tried but i didnt want to mess her head up and for me it just seems wrong to have sex with someone whos just a bit ill at the moment. She calmed down again, but then checked her dog for an ear infection three times through the night including walking the dog in her dressing gown at three in the morning four in the morning and 7, then i said let the dog up stairs so she did, the dog tried to bite me on the bed at one point and she came up with a theory that the dog was protecting her because of my un sure ness of wanting her, and it was like the dog was her dad.


    now she told me the other night she had ralked to her dad ( who died when she was young,)


    I ve gone out with my gf for 6 months and this has happened i guess this week and i hope its just a wobble, as she hasnt had a period for i think she said 4 months due to the termination i think,


    I hope i did nt trigger all this somehow, I really care for her i really do i want to be friends and be close and if i can love her.


    today i got her to talk for 5 or 6 hours just to get stuff out she definatly calmed down she seems a lot better.
    her brothers girlfriend she seemed to have a lot of hate for, for taking her brother away from her, and quite a lot of other people like a friend her mum a bit, i calmed her down and said you cant blame them etc and your ok and reasured her shes not going nutd when she asked me i just said your just a bit poorly but youl het beeter and everything will be all right.


    hears the triggers i think/


    Losing her dad young,
    hitting 30 for some strange reason,
    horrible boyfriends,
    the termination,
    me not opening up to her by saying back to her i love her when she poured her heart to me,


    she always has had weird tendancies, i didnt notice till now,


    her head sways when any music comes on,
    she has defo OC tendancies, ie remotes for tv have to be near tv even when its on!
    house immaculate, everything in exactly the right place,
    she gets up every morning at 7 with radio on full blast on radio 2 every morning,
    goes to bed at 9 every night switches her phone off then thats it.
    brushes her hair before we have sex, which is a bit odd.


    I never anylised her or let on i was doing so but you cant help doing it on weird stuff or sort of ingrown paterns that occour,


    now i altered the radio some mornings and she wasnt happy i said do you fancy a bit of radio 4 i sort of did things differantly and i hope i did nt tip her world upside down


    outside work i am caotic sometimes lazy on a sunday maybee that just baked her noodle,


    I am off to see her again tomorow and she does seem a lot better


    I rang her tonight at about 8 and she seems a lot better she went out with her mum, and she then announced that shes ok without me kind of shut me out, i said i would likr to stop over again tonight to help but she said shes fine so i duly stopped at mine to keep her sane,


    I am off over tomorow i feel a care a love i have never felt before but its borderline cracking me up a bit, but i am being strong just to get her through it all.


    hears the likey hood


    late late peroid causing a kind of mental state, and to be fair this strange behavior stated a week after her period had started or ended i think,


    Seasonal mood thingy,


    bi polar possibly,
    Obessive compulsive, ie she tried to arrange her brothers and my life and its beyond her control,
    and i hope lastly it is nt schizofrenia.


    that really scares me,


    I keep reasuring her that i and her family are there for her i v et\lked to her brother he s off for a cuppa tomorow and she s going for councilling nect week, but her brothers boyfriend thinks she should see a schytrist,


    just anyone with advice or simular problems or been through dark stuff like this woud help.


    thankyou, i hope you can see i doing all i can and i hope i havent caused this i have always been as honest and caring as i can but not enough in recent weeks.

  • Sorry to hear you (and your gf) are going through this.


    I agree that she should see a psychiatrist (through GP referral if she hasn't seen one before).


    I have bipolar and i recognise some of those manic symptoms. Some are missing (like less need for sleep - when i'm manic it'll be 2-3 hours a night), but that doesn't mean it isn't that.


    Given the recency of the termination and the stress that that would have caused i think it's more likely to be related to that. This is assuming she hasn't had other episodes like this in the past and doesn't have a history of depression?
    It won't be directly related to the fact that she hasn't had a period, but the stress could trigger this.


    You've likely heard of post-partum psychosis? Symptoms can also occur during pregnancy and maybe even with a termination the body responds in a similar way.


    Don't try to deal with this on your own though - you need professionals involved to make sure she's ok. Good luck and vibes!

  • Was the termination both your decisions? or was it a one sided decision?


    Have you tried talking to her openly about this including how she feels about the termination now several months on? Try and engage her more, tell her you love her more and be supportive.


    Also try and encourage her to seek proffessional help about what has happened. She is sounding really manic right now...

  • I think you need to take her to a GP as soon as possible, I am a mental health nurse and what you have described sounds like she is going through either a manic episode or psychosis...


    By seeing the GP you can get some home help treatment for her. Sometimes people who are having their first experience of illness can find it frightening or be in denial. So good luck with this, I hope it works out for the best and she gets some help. Sometimes an episode like this can just be a one off reaction to stress and does not mean its a life long condition like bi polar or schizophrenia. xx

  • Was the termination both your decisions? or was it a one sided decision?


    Have you tried talking to her openly about this including how she feels about the termination now several months on? Try and engage her more, tell her you love her more and be supportive.


    Also try and encourage her to seek proffessional help about what has happened. She is sounding really manic right now...

    Original thread here Jenna - the pregnancy happens quite a way down but that'll give more background.

  • Ok i ve had a long and weird weekend but we have pulled through this, she had another episode on sunday when her brother came up, i said oh that her dogs had got upstairs ill just get them down, when i came back down she was tlking to her brother and when i sat next to her she told me to fuck off as shes not going upstairs as in going mental or dying or talking to her dad, when i assured her it was the dogs she calmed down, then she had another episode on sun about 11, she said was i a councellor sent by her workmates or her brothers boyfriend, i had to assure her it was me,


    then slowly but surely as the day went on (i went to tesco iam afraid) i went to the shops got her a sunday meal came home cooked it and she did the washing up that had piled up when she had been ill, while i was away ie i gave her a task to do that she loves 9(she likes routine order and clean pots)


    somehow god knows how i have talked her and let her talk to me calmly and sometimes shes been manic but somehow she s definatly come "normal" (please dont take offence at the word normal it just the only word i can describe the how things are)


    Her brother and i have arranged councelling she has told her mum and told me not to tell her brother about the termination,


    but i had to tell him i just had to and to be fair i think it will do good, hopefully his gf wont push my gf as my gf was fragile, but my word she has come good its like the wall has lifted thank god.


    I tried to talk her into councelling in the fact that she can talk to someone she doesnt know about all her problems, and it helps a lot, i havent done it myself but i think UKH helps me,


    she said i was really good and should become a councellor i said ill leave it to the proffesionals, she said how do i know all this stuff about making people better i did nt say but to be honest its due to you lot on here, definatly,


    The net also helped, i looked into termination, hormones, late periods, deporession, post nat depression which will i guess be simular, ocd, which i suspect she has, schiofreenia, schicosis, the lot from that i was a rapid sponge thinking io have to help, when i got to hers i just listened and tried to guide her and keep her positive, i tried to say nothing negative, and just let her vent her stress anger depression etc, and i think it worked, i cried myself she called me a fanny when she was ill, but i know it wasnt her,



    the weird thing was i realise you can put words in ill peoples heads, she asked when in a good state if i was going to love her, i said look lets concentrate on you, get you better and she said am i going nuts i said no your just ill youl get better, its just a wobble dont worry, i said lets focus on you not me or your brother or his girlfriend or anyone else all that matters is you and you should just think of yourself, i realise this was a bit iffy, when she had a phase again she pushed me away said i can manage on my own i dont need you etc jeez i leant fast,


    She acceptes she needs to see a councellor, but shes back at work today i think shes done umbeliveable, i have hugged when not pushed away or slapped on wrist, to prove i am listening and everythings ok,


    On a last note i dont know if i have done the wright thing but i said, i am not going to make any massive promises about staying with you i just cant tell and iam trying to be honest. but i am always here as a friend and i am going to help you through this.


    I hope i have done right not manipulated if i have tell me I amnot a fan of messing peoples heads up,


    her brother asked if i needed to see a councellor, as he said it can affect me as well i know this but i have cried been through various states of doom but i ve been there before, not this situation just being low etc,and i know i can cope, ie i refuse to let myslef get to far down its a lot harder if your a woman with hormones going nuts wondering if you have made your self infertile as a risk, losing something that your bonding with be it you want it or not feeeling like you have lost your bf brother to her gf, inlaws and of course your dad when you were a kid, something has to go pop,


    so it did, i hope i have tried to fix her a bit she even put on a bit of paper i shouldnt go on the computor till i have fixed my computor,


    I know shes sane she said stuff on sunday when she was getting better that reasured me, just a combination of crap all happening at once,


    including me a lousy bf,


    but she says differant i helped her.


    please dont judge me harshly if i have done things wrong getting her better Tell Me and i will listen i know a lot of you are wise beyond comprehension on here and either deal with this stuff proffesionally or have had to deal with it for yourself,


    Again i cant thank you all for the stuff that filters into my head from UKH (oh and a close mate who came to talk to me who i help out as well)

  • I hope she gets better soon, Gee. I know from personal experience that trauma can cause symptoms of more severe mental illness - including hearing voices - and I went through a termination that almost cost me my life at the beginning of january this year, which left me in a diar state, mentally. Whatever has caused her episodes, there is help out there for her. You've had enough advice the same as what I would say. So here's some support over the airwaves an' all :) hang in there.

  • Gee man, well done, I really hope your girlfriend can begin to feel better, and you can too, and maybe you can continue your relationship and find happiness again.
    You. Seem to be a sound bloke and I wish you well x

  • I hope she gets better soon, Gee. I know from personal experience that trauma can cause symptoms of more severe mental illness - including hearing voices - and I went through a termination that almost cost me my life at the beginning of january this year, which left me in a diar state, mentally. Whatever has caused her episodes, there is help out there for her. You've had enough advice the same as what I would say. So here's some support over the airwaves an' all :) hang in there.



    You can private message me if you need to about stuff i can try to help or any advice would be very helpful, i nearly cried when i read your reply, i hope you didnt hear voices, i dint want to witness that, that might crack me up a bit i am being strong a i possibly can. I never ever want sex again, i dont think i want kids, and if my gf found someone else ie binned me i think id stop single then i wouldnt be able to ruin any more peoples lives

  • Gee man, well done, I really hope your girlfriend can begin to feel better, and you can too, and maybe you can continue your relationship and find happiness again.
    You. Seem to be a sound bloke and I wish you well x



    Thanks her brother said that when i got the balls to tell him i met up with him.


    I still havent got as much guts as my gf, she told her mum, i still cant tell mine, i just said on fri my gf was going a bit low having an episode, to which my mum said be carefull dont get to dragged into stuff, i still cant tell me mum,


    what a wet between the ears bloke i am, i just know it either make my mum hate me more or simpathise with my gf and thus hate me more or my mum ll just cry and be dissapointed in me for either doing this or lying to her or not telling her.


    I got in trouble with the law when i was 21 and lyed to my parents and they hated me for years my dad hardly spoke to me for a year, then they i guess have just forgiven me and i think they were starting to get close again, i vowed id never get in trouble again and never lie to them again, it kind of cracks me up like i am 21 again lying again. The longer i am leaving it the worse its getting why did i say my gf s ill why didnt i just tell them, my gf says they dont need to know but its for me to go through the shit with my parents tocome out the other side but knowing i didnt lie again, they may hate me forever this time like i can see my mum saying oh this is the last straw, that poor woman,, you lied to me etc etc.


    any advice would help.


    this was soo heavy i stood by my gf, but i was just getting to know her, we are very differant, i honestly cant say if i love or dont love her as we have sod all in common its in a nutshell shes x factor i am Q I that sums it up but i am stuck in there doggedly being a help being supportive a listener,


    anyway ill man up bury my head in work tomorow and keep listening and supporting my gf, what else can i do at the moment for once stop thinking about me and keep her spirits up so she doesnt come crashing down again