Self-Harm

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  • Quote from littlesausage

    Because to hurt yourself may not seem bad to at the time, as you feel that low


    hmm...It used to be the case that I self harmed when I felt really low but it doesn't feel like that anymore. I use it to release tention and that can be both happy and sad kinds of emotional tention...but I'm not usually feeling low when it happens..not what I'd describe as low anyway. I think maybe I'm just addicted to it.

    Quote from littlesausage

    .. but imagine how ur friends and family would feel if they knew u were hurting so badly u were taking a blade to yourself? how would u feel if one of ur friends were doing that to themselves?



    Some of my family and friends are aware that I have self harmed..I dont think all are aware that I still do. and I know how upset it made them :( ...I dont want to cause anyone any pain..which is why I hide it as best I can. I also have had friends that self harmed much more than I have...and I fel awful for them and desperate to do something to help.

    Quote from little sausage

    its hard to get back that love for yourself to not want to hurt yourself once you start and it can take you to places that are hard to come back out of ... I have scars on my body and I look back on those times as dark and lonely, I never wanna go back to that part of myself again .. i recently got so sad i cut my thigh with a pair of nail scissors and it has scarred me i think .. just that action, not the feeling behind it brought me down for weeks, more than i could have comprehended at all, it is an action that has emotional scars to bear let alone the physical ones, be careful its not a safe release, whacking urself with a pillow is more safe :)

    *hugs* I know what you mean about it having emotional scars to bear ..but I think the emotional scars would exist even if th physical ones didn't. Though i suppose the physical scars dont let you forget.. each of my scars has a story.

    As for the hitting self with the pillow thing I dont find it works well for me. I've taken to pressing frozen things against the area of skin that i most want to hurt. Or running very cold water over that area of my body...or just getting straight into a ice cold bath..all very helpful things...oh and drawing mandalas has been helpful too:). Thought I'd share those things incase it was useful to anyone. I cant wait to get into the sea tomorrow..I think that'll do wonders for me too.

    I am trying to stop..am working on reducing the urges and looking at the roots of the urges... this thread as been helpful to me :)

    Much love xXxXxXx:heart:

  • It sounds like maybe you have energy blockages in these areas ... or maybe your really aware of your body and trying to get something out ... Have you ever heard of marma points? Where abouts do you get the urges to cut? xxxx

  • Quote from littlesausage

    It sounds like maybe you have energy blockages in these areas ... or maybe your really aware of your body and trying to get something out ... Have you ever heard of marma points? Where abouts do you get the urges to cut? xxxx



    hmm..nope, cant say I've heard of marma points. Yeah, maybe I do have energy blockages. If thats the case maybe its easier to relieve these urges than I think. I mostly get urges to cut my lower arms and hands...I also get urges to cut my thighs and hips but not as strongly as I get the urges for my lower arms. Have also had urges to cut my neck before..not recently though.

    xxxx

  • You did the best thing to tell people, just take your anger out by relaxing, just close your eyes and slow down you breathing and concentrate on your breathing, then open your eyes, di it again if needed

    Thanks
    Spike

  • it is very easy to quit once you jump the first hurdle that is absinace.


    Do not go looking for other ways to punish/escape yourself. alcahol is a definate nono


    Look at your scars and ask yourself if that is who you really wanna be, eventually you will see them as a badge of somthing you have overcome.



    Luck be with you and stay strong, we are always here for you hun :hug:

  • Yes I have self harmed alot actually..I have stopped now, for 1 whole year which Iam happy about, dont get me wrong I still have problems and cry and get depressed I just dont self harm myself anymore because I found it makes the situation worse and it goes deeper and darker and I dont want to go to 'that' place anymore...

  • Quote from Sweetpea

    Yes I have self harmed alot actually..I have stopped now, for 1 whole year which Iam happy about, dont get me wrong I still have problems and cry and get depressed I just dont self harm myself anymore because I found it makes the situation worse and it goes deeper and darker and I dont want to go to 'that' place anymore...

    How did you manage to change your behaviour? What advice would you give to other people who want to stop? Oh, and well done, by the way. :D

  • Quote from Atomik

    How did you manage to change your behaviour? What advice would you give to other people who want to stop? Oh, and well done, by the way. :D



    Well the thing that made me change my behaviour was the Reality Shock of it all. I was cutting my arm nearly 5 times a week so badly with my dads knife..I was so depressed and upset that I just didn't care about the pain...I didn't care at all until one day I was on the tube train going to college..I was sitting down holding onto my bag and I noticed EVERYONE had there eyes fixed on my arm and they looked shocked..I thought WTH is going on and then I looked down at my arm and..it was a total shock..I didn't know what I had done ..or even how bad things had gotten and how bad I looked..my arm looked liked it had been in a slaughter house or something and it shocked me severly..I felt so sad..so embarrassed and so stupid ..It just shock me up..heard a voice inside saying 'ESTHER WHAT ARE YOU DOING' and I thought, you know what, what am I doing??? Iam just making my situation so much worse...so I confronted my mother and father and they took me to councelling..and that was it..too this day I can never ever do that to my arm again..the scares are still slightly visable but its there to remind me what a mistake I had done and how I will never go there ever again.
    And about the attempting suicide..Iam not going to go into how I used to do it for safety and personal reasons but my mother got a breasts cancer scare and I was with her the whole time supporting her..she turn out alright but that scared me too much to re-think about my life and what the hell Iam doing..shortly after that my boyfriend at the time was in a major car accident and nearly died which shock me up even more...just made me think more about what Iam doing and how its not making my life any better at all!
    But I realised that I had to stop on MY own my friends and family may have suported me and helped me but it was up to me to wake up and tell myself to stop..especially due to those shocks in my life..
    Thankyou Atomik :)

  • Quote from Sweetpea

    ...so I confronted my mother and father and they took me to councelling..

    That must have been really difficult for you and shows a real strength. You should be proud that you were able to face up to it like that and work through it. :)

  • Quote from Atomik

    That must have been really difficult for you and shows a real strength. You should be proud that you were able to face up to it like that and work through it. :)



    Thankyou so much Atomik. It was difficult mainly because I didn't want to upset my mother and I was scared of her being upset, she was very upset, my dad didn't show any emotions (as usual), I know he loves me I just wish he would show me that he does..like hug me and tell me he loves me..but thats another story...
    But thankyou anyway for being kind and I just hope others aren't self harming themselfs..I know we all get upset and get depressed its just human nature to feel all emotions but self harm is not the answer :(.

  • I've brought this thread back up because I'm having some difficulties with it just now. I'm failing to understand again how self harm is bad? It has recently really helped me to cope. I'm hurting myself but only mildy. why is piercing and tattoos socially accepted but self harm not? And if there is a reason why its bad to self harm then what the hell do I do?
    I actually hadn't self harmed in AGES and all my scars are quite faded now. But tonight I went back to it.. and it brought up lots of questions.

  • It's 'bad' because it's an addictive behaviour pattern over which you have no control. It gives you the illusion of control... in the same way that an alcoholic who has a drink to 'steady their nerves' thinks they're in control. The very fact that you need to do it makes it 'bad'. But of course the cutting is just a symptom - the real problem is what's making you feel that you need to do it.


    :hug:

  • Quote from Atomik

    It's 'bad' because it's an addictive behaviour pattern over which you have no control. It gives you the illusion of control... in the same way that an alcoholic who has a drink to 'steady their nerves' thinks they're in control. The very fact that you need to do it makes it 'bad'. But of course the cutting is just a symptom - the real problem is what's making you feel that you need to do it.

    :hug:



    Yup.. agreed.

    I used to do it, not bad/deep, but still.. and still have some scars from it. I started doing it without knowing others did it so it what not a hype thing.. it came from within and was indeed because I couldn't control my emotions any other way, I had no other sufficient outlet. Selfharm (cutting, burning etc) is a way of coping with your emotions, nothing more and nothing less. Sometimes I still feel like doing it when things get overwhelming but there are two major reasons why I don't:

    - if I resist the urge I'm one step closer to dealing properly with my emotions

    - I don't want to worry other people by harming myself, I don't want to harm them through harming myself

    Everyone has their own reasons to do it or to resist doing it. I think it's like with alcoholism, once a cutter always a cutter. I still have a 'thing' for shiny blades, blood etc.. but I don't use hurting myself physically as a way of dealing with emotional hurt.

    I understand why you do it.. and I hope you understand me in why you have to stop doing it. Drop me a pm if you feel like talking.

    Take care..

  • I did it at school when i about 13/14 ..I hated school..(thats why i home-ed my kids..couldnt bear to have them in a classroom all day...eek yuk!)
    It was my only way out, i hated myself and was abused as a child verbally and physically so i ended up thinking there was something wrong with me..poor self esteem and no confidence...eventually the drugs took over ..and this was my way out..but it was messing me up badly and i lost so many friends to OD's...
    The cuts have healed but the scars remain and are 'mentally' dissapearing...i found forgiveness is a way to freedom:bighug:
    We ARE all so unque and SO special! We all have a place in this world. We ARE all loved by at least one person.
    Keep your mind positive and dont let the bad forces bring you down and lie to you and make you think youre not 'good enough'
    ((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

  • Is there anyone here who harms themselves in other ways than cutting? I used to struggle alot with intentional self-destructive behaviour but it was never recognised because it never looked intentional from the outside. It took me getting sectioned for myself and other people to actually see the damage i was doing. At the time it made perfect sense to me...


    I think any acts which focus exclusively on pain and sadness as an emotion rather than the causes of those feelings is never a good way to go.


    Its the difference between sitting inside a giant pot of goopy-yuk with no intention of moving, or standing outside the pot (though still acknowledging the pot exists) and working out whats inside it that is making it so horrible so's that you can find the adequate process to evict it (and therefore the feelings of hurt) from your mind.


    C x

  • Difficult topic to discuss really..
    my honest opinion...
    self injury=cutting..burning..etc..
    is always due to lack of self esteem..depression..suicidal tendency.
    come on now..if i feel down..shall i take my motorbike??
    and drive it onto the first tree I see..??
    NO...NO..I love life too much for that..
    are you hippies??hippies LOVE..they get a kick out of LIFE..
    come on..come on..lift up your heads..:hippy:
    life is more then a razor blade...and some blood on your arm..
    http://www.focusas.com/SelfInjury.html


    Tiger



  • Yeah I used to deliberately step out in front of cars or cross roads as close to the vehicle as I could get .. I knew I did it but wasnt really aware that I scared people until one of my friends took me to one side .. I still do it but not as bad .. used to put my hands in the sink with the hot tap running and make myself take it ... although to me these kind of things werent self abuse, there not physically harming yourself with a cut or a burn, but it stems from the same place .. I felt as though I was testing myself, but when I look at it now I realise its not, one thing that helped was to imagine myself as another person and then I found myself wanting to take care of myself .. if that makes sense .. I would freak if I saw someone deliberately stepping out next to buses, so that kinda bought it home a bit

  • Quote from Confuscari

    Is there anyone here who harms themselves in other ways than cutting?


    I tried burning but that hurt too much.. hehehe.. what I liked from cutting was the slow pain sensation.. slowly deeper and deeper till you get those first drops of blood when you break the skin. Burning is just "ouch omfg that hurts!!" with blisters and stuff.. hehe.. not my thing ;)


    For the record: don't do it anymore.. I only hurt myself when I'm being clumsy and walk into things.. hehe.. but not on purpose! :D

  • Its actually really reassuring that there are people that know what i'm on about... it always seems like i'm totally on my own in things like this, just no points of reference around me, really great that there is some people who seem to have experienced something similar :)

  • At the time it was really strange... it didn't even feel like there was anything wrong. Still, i guess it was just the idea that other people have experienced other forms of self-abuse that i had never come across at the time so thought there was nothing wrong - like the car-roads thing, daring yourself not to look because of determination of self-destruction...


    This forum really does give you a glimpse into all walks of life, its great. :)

  • Yeah I'm now in therapy done it three times and will probably do it again the slow pain feeling is a good description its a good release lets you go. but ah well...

  • Quote from Dan

    Yeah I'm now in therapy done it three times and will probably do it again the slow pain feeling is a good description its a good release lets you go. but ah well...


    Thing is.. I feel that there are better ways of dealing with emotions and I can definately recommend them and urge you to do anything but harming yourself.. BUT I'll never tell someone that they HAVE to stop doing it because obviously it serves a purpose.. just make sure that IF you do it you do it safely: watch out for infections, don't cut to deep, take care of the wounds etc etc..


    Kinda the safety first thing.. if you're gonna do it anyway, make sure you do it safely.

  • Quote from Dan

    Wow! ok um safety when cutting interesting idea, odd considering anyone who cuts probably doesnt care about safety...

    Not true. That depends on your reasons for cutting. A lot of people do it for control... not specifically to harm themselves.

  • Quote from Atomik

    Not true. That depends on your reasons for cutting. A lot of people do it for control... not specifically to harm themselves.


    Yup.. the 'here and now' pain is mostly the reason.. to see the skin break, see the blood.. after that you can very well make sure to wipe the knife/blade with a bit of alcohol and put it away carefully for a next time. You really don't want things like that to get badly infected... just a thought ;)


    But again.. only if you really can't stop yourself from doing it.. still prefered ofcourse that you don't. Especially if you cut deep enough to make scars it will be something effecting your body for the rest of your life. Some people don't mind looking at a body full of selfmade scars, other really regret they did it.. I'd better be safe than sorry and don't do it I guess.. lots of ways to cope with emotions that don't leave traces for the rest of your life.