Self-Harm

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  • I am a "recovered" self harmer. I guess.
    When I was 15 or so I harmed daily.....


    I just wanted to say that any of you who are in that place where you don't think it will ever get better and that you will never stop. It will do and you can do...


    I don't feel much like going into huge details about this on a site I have just joined up to right now..
    but I wanted to post this to say that I do understand self harm....and my PM box is always open to anyone who needs it :-)

  • I used to self harm too! My scars are looking great and most ppl dont see um....I am not so self awear of them as I was.

    I understand self harm, I did mine to have control of my pain. To be able to hurt on the outside rather then inside, Im sure some will understand that. I havent done it for a fair while but sometimes I think about the feeling it gave me, the control over my feelings and pain that I felt and sometimes still feel.



  • Thats made me cry. Serious. That it! That how I see my self harm!

  • I have self harmed, I have tried worse things too, but I dont really like to talk about it.

    But a message to anyone who does self harm, you may seriously want to consider stopping ASAP! because it does become addictive. What I found really helped me was talking, telling someone you trust your problems, tell them what makes you self harm, and cry, yes thats right, crying helps ALOT.

  • Quote from thepoorlookinhippy

    Thats made me cry. Serious. That it! That how I see my self harm!



    k im pretty sure you wont take this the wrong way but i smiled when i read that. i love the pure connection people make to my work :D seriously its like wow thanks so much you lovely person youve made my day.

  • being in therapy is so much of a help. with every relationship that i have i still feel guilty about really opening up cos i feel like im dumping on them. my friends say its ok to dump but my paranoia still makes me think oooh are you going too far are they getting bored? well being in therapy gives me a time when its just me and im supposed to talk about myself

  • Quote from Dan

    with every relationship that i have i still feel guilty about really opening up cos i feel like im dumping on them.



    you've gotta be honest and open up in a relationship or it can't work
    first time i met atomik, he said just be yourself, cos people would rather see the real you than someone trying to be happy when they're not
    and it's true - if people are worth knowing they will accept you paranoia and all :)

    we reenact Noah's ancient drama, but in reverse, like a film running backwards, the animals exiting

  • gahh, today I'm finding it hard to resist.

    and then once I start I figure I've ruined it so I might as well do one more then I figure I'll do another cos that wont be much worse. then it spirals.

    so maybe I should bin everything sharp in my room.

    Or ask my housemate to hide everything sharp for me so I can resist

  • thankyou x
    I've caved in. there are now at least 30 cuts.
    I wanted to give the razor to someone but everyone was busy.
    a bath sounds like a good plan :(

  • Quote from Dibdabs

    thankyou x
    I've caved in. there are now at least 30 cuts.
    I wanted to give the razor to someone but everyone was busy.
    a bath sounds like a good plan :(


    Deborah I love you, please take care xxx People are never too busy to help you, especially the lovely people you live with :)


    Have a nice calm bath and try and get some sleep.


    It's a hard battle and we're here for you every step of the way, you're an amazing person don't forget that xxx


    :hug:



  • :(
    *hug* thankyou/

    I just put the razor in the bin. and I'm feeling quite faint. but I still even after all that have the urge.:(
    shit bugger wank fuck bollocks
    ahem. excuse the language.

    I love you too. thanks for being there.xxx


  • Since I stopped shaving alas I have no razors so theres less ease of "tools" as such, so yay go for feminism and help yourself too:D I've had really strong urges lately (and for my art I have a super sharp scalpel which is NOT my friend) but I've been trying super hard to channel it into other things, such as furious poi, drumming really hard, and smashing things, usually smashing things, which isn't too handy as its things I need! BUt generally I find once I wear myself out and use the adrenaline I'm ok..so maybe a run or a psort, a punchbag could be a really good idea! But thats what works for me by responidng to my triggers, you may be compeltely differnt, but I've been okay for the past few months..so there is hope:)



    Right I really am going now! Enjoy your bath! Damn forum, take care of yourself I'll be back next weekend text me anytime though I might not be able to reply you're in my thoughts and heart!



    :hug:



  • Yeah, I'm not shavingbut I've kept the razors because I find it comfortable to have them.sounds messe dup but I know they are there for me just in case.

    Thnakyou for supprting me.

    glad you've got good tactics in place. I did take a long walk yesterday which really helped temporarily..then I cut anyway for some reason,

    I think what would help me most is a regualr chat with someone about it..I'm a bit dependent on having that or things go down hill.

    right now I've still got the urge but its being reduced by blowing on my cuts which makes them sting a bit and it makes me breathe deeply. but more than anything I think I need to cry

    I'm feeling very lightheadd though.

    I think I will lie down in a sec

    I love you. I hope everything goes well. speak soon xx

  • Quote from Dibdabs

    I think what would help me most is a regualr chat with someone about it..I'm a bit dependent on having that or things go down hill.

    This may sound really daft but do you write? I was thinking that like you've said, there aren't always people around for you so how about you have a chat with yourself? So you could write down a 'conversation' a bit like a play or interview or something - invent another character and have them talk to you - it could end up being quite fun or you could bring up some stuff that you've maybe buried. Either way, it might be theraputic, it's kinda creative and you'll take your mind off cutting for a bit!


    I really feel like you might just eventually grow away from this as you get to know yourself more and learn how to deal with loneliness/pain/fear etc. We all go through it to different degrees.


    Don't give yourself a hard time and remember that there is a support network here for you.


    :hug:



  • I have the urges back today so I will try the converstaion thing today.

    I'm gonna keep myself busy too.. go on lots of walks..and I'm going to a party later which might help.

    Yeah, hopefully I'll just grow away from it and learn to deal with my emotions better.

    Thankyou,
    much love xxx

  • Quote from Earth Whirler


    I really feel like you might just eventually grow away from this as you get to know yourself more and learn how to deal with loneliness/pain/fear etc. We all go through it to different degrees.

    Don't give yourself a hard time and remember that there is a support network here for you.

    :hug:



    Seconded!! Wise words indeed. I grew out of it when I accepted myself for who I am, instead of who people want me to be. Be strong honey! Many healing hugs coming your way :bighug: :bighug:

  • google self harm, my therapist gave me a load of websites n this little booklet on how to avoid selfharm. you can get plenty of info sent to you n i was really surprised how many sites there are out there. if you want ill post them up next time i get the chance? maybe listen to seriously loud music that always tends to help. or just well having a good friend to talk to n focusing on how much they care for you. i dont know you very well but im sure youre an amazing person. i dont know what it is but it seems like the people who are depressed seem to be interesting lol that sounds strange. anyway. um experience nature go for a really long walk? get really involved in a book or a puzzle or something. there are loads of ways of trying to stop yourself but i dont know how effective theyll be for you. if nothing else guilt trip yourself. i know how upset my friends are when i cut so i do everything to avoid it. im sure pretty much everyone on here cares for you in some way n it does upset me knowing you feel like you need to cut. were all here for you n i promise ill give you a hug if we ever meet :) hope any of this helps but im just well i want to help n i hope this all doesnt sound too weird.

  • I thought it'd be a case of being squeamish but it really isn't once you do and you become fascinated with it, at least I did. I guess people who are really really squemish find another method.

  • Yesterday was a funny day, i woke up feeling fine went to the docters and declared i was well and wanted to go back to work. my best friend came over for an hour or two and my father came to give me a pizza.

    I started drinking when my friend came over and carried on......i cant remember what triggered it but i was a bit drunk , i went in the bathroom, purged the pizza , cut open a diposable razor and run it over my thight. i felt so good for about 2 seconds then guilt and shame. i almost wenta year without doign it. i then ahd to call my brother in tears or i was gonna do more so i spent the evening smoking and drinking too much but having a long good open chat with my brother and his misses.

    i feel like a complete twat cos i gotta wait for these to heal when i'm still waiting for the scars i did last june to heal.

    the funny thing is i feel ok, i'm much better than i was and have started the ball rolling in ways to fix my life. so why this? why did i go psycho?.

    is it the fear? well duh!. not gonna go into details but wews and I are on a "break" , not knowing where its gonna turn and that it may not go the way i'd like sucks.

    but i still didnt need to self-harm.

    i'm like a volcano with my emotions i keep them all in till eventually i erupt and it all spuills out wether i want it to or not.

    crap.

  • awwwwww hunny. tis tough i know. it does look like it was a one off and although i dont think anyones ever really free if theyve been through this sort of crap, it seems that youll be ok. please dont beat yourself up for slipping. youve been doing great to go all that time. the feelings are always there. i think it could also just be the memory. whenever im holding a knife i feel so tempted to take it to myself. tis good that youve got a supportive brother. n you know there always plenty of ppl on here who care for you :)



  • :hug:
    It can be strange what sets it off sometimes. I go through long periods of time where I stay away from self harm then suddenly it comes back and I cant quite figure out what triggers it.

    I know I'm much better if I've spent time with people outside. But the other day I was with good people.. we'd run around outside like loons for hours and I still wanted to cut. huh?

    I think theres a physical addiction side to it? And I think for me theres also a grounding side of it. sometimes when I feel something strong and physical like that pain it really helps me. Maybe it replaces something that feels missing?

    I also find it comforting to see cuts on me:eek: haven't quite figured out why that is yet. I feel guilty often too...sometimes because I'm scared of how it will effect other people and sometimes because I feel like I've betrayed myself.

    Summer is well on the way :) Lots of time to be free and be outside and see good people which always. I want to see you soon!

    Hugs and love and sunshine and fairy dust

    Deborah xxxxx