My name's Katie and I'm new here. Hello. Been reading posts for a while and today really feel like I could do with some advice.
I've been working in residential care homes for the last few months, it's a new job, I've enjoyed elements of it but have had a lot of hassle with the organisation - a mistake on my behalf of not getting my P45 in on time resulting in not being paid for 2 months work until the following paydate, no emergency rate, no concessions, no money; working more hours than makes sense, being employed to work in one area (which is why I applied for the job) then being placed in a house over an hour away from my home, then another house even further, lack of consistency for the young people I work with, what I feel to be inappropriate treatment of some of the young people... I really could go on.
A new contract was brought out stating I'd now potentially be working in any house in a huge area at 'short notice', which I reluctantly signed after a good few weeks of trying to find out more information. I then took unpaid leave which was offered to many of us. I turned up for my first shift after this break to find different members of my team on shift, wondering why I was there. Spent the first hour phoning various managers to find out where I was meant to be (after having driven over an hour to get to work for 8am, ready for a 24hour shift), eventually discovering that my new place of work was another 2 hours from my home. It was the icing on an already very well iced cake, and I refused to go (for various other reasons I can't discuss here.)
I got on with the day, by coincidence had a doctor's appointment the following morning after I'd finish my shift. Left work, was driving home, suddenly lost the plot a bit. Got really upset, had panic attack, had to pull over. Arrived at doc's in real state, she'd already heard some of the work hassle, and signed me off for two weeks.
I'm nearing the end of the two weeks. I haven't spoken to any one at work yet in person but they do know I've been signed off. I really, really didn't want to talk to them. It's ridiculous and I feel madly weak but I just haven't been able to pull myself enough together. It's become a huge, sad, mess. I did look at resigning months ago, with the not being paid issue, and had a lot of support to do just that, but decided to stick with it.
At first I was positive about looking for a new job but a few days in I had a huge blip in my confidence. I've ended up feeling that nothing will change (which is silly), that it's my fault I get into these situations, and just feeling really upset that once again it looks like I'll be unsure of my working situation, unsure about finances, unsure about it all.
I could go back - well once I've spoken to them. A friend was in a similar situation with the same company just a few weeks before me, and he's since resigned after they didn't want him back. I just really, really don't want to go back. I don't think I can do it any more, and at the end of the day, if I feel like that, I'm not doing my job properly and seeing as it involves highly challenging children, it's not fair.
I don't want to get a 'making money' or a 'just to get by job', but I will have to again, and I'm gutted. I don't believe in this way of working but it's here and i have to do it and already I'm pretty fed up with it. I know it is the way it is, but argh.
Things feel like a big, panicky mountain ahead, and I really want to tackle it, I've got a lot of support but at the end of the day I'm the one who has to sit here, look for jobs, try try try, phone my employers, face the reality of all of this, which is part of being in the real world.
I could really do with any advice. I don't get paid SSP as I'm on probation (under six months in the job), I don't really want to be unemployed again although there are places I could get temp, low paid, low hour work very quickly if I left even if it's not ideal, I could go back to the job if they'll let me but don't feel like I can or want to (but feel I should)...
Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you're haing a good bonfire night.