constant thoughts...

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  • ...ok so i know there is a lot of very knowing people on here. I just wanted to know if any of you know know a lot about the mind might be able toexplain myself to me.... i know that doesnt make sence... hmmm ok let me explain...

    Right i got diagnosed with "mild" dislexia at school but nothing was done about it because it was so mild. I know im intelegent enough to be a good student, im a high level reader and good at writing when i can focus.

    Over time things have started appearing about my personality that ive noticed ive had problems with.

    For the last few years i've suffered on and off with anxiety and panick attacks. (theyve been better in the last 6 months though my anxiety is still there)

    Now its only now that im having to tackle my dissetation, my first bit of accademic research and writing since i was at school that im begining to notice i have difficulties with certain things.

    I know im generally quite dippy, i forget a LOT ...and that might sound silly to say but i mean i for get stupid things seconds after they are said to me. which i just thought was bad memory

    ((ok this thread is all ready a great example of how un alined my brain is haha its all jumbled up allready)

    right hang on let me take a breath and just type thats the easyest way for me to do this cos right now im trying to structure it so as you understand... but im getting cofused....

    Right i have problems taking in information. Mostly when its written down, however fictional writing im great with,i just dont pick up on the details of the writings, like names and small details like dates etc. So i can read a whole book and only remember the name of the lead character but tell you in vivid detail the inmages it made in my head... sorry off tracking again here...

    this has obvioussly caused me trouble researching for my dissertation and my tutor noticed how im her lectures i glazed over and got very confused over very small things. She sent me to be tested for dislexia gagain... again mild dislexia.

    However i still dont feel like this is quite the problem.

    In writing up my ideas for my dissertation im begining to notice a pattern in my doesnt stop. I cant catch my thoughts long enough to make them coherant enough to work with because while im thinking about stopping one thought my thought train has moved on to something new and left me beind. ...i dont think this makes sence.... basically i end up in a out ward spiral of thought. in general life this is fine and well i can cope through life not paying attention or being able to focus on a lot of things (though i have noticed allmost fetting run over from it and its troublesome in social situations when i never remember or recognise faces... infact i got my flat maytes confused untlill id lived here for 2 months) its just when it comess to sorting out my dissertation and my work that itr becomes a reall problem... also times when i jsut want to shut my mind off and rest, going to bed for example can be incredibly frustration because my mind doesnt switch off.

    Im noticeing now that this is what causes my anxiety and paranois because my mind starts creating things in my head because it needs to do something, so it created things for me to be anxious and paranoid about (in the past leading to clostrophobia and agrophobia at once)

    This is also probably the reason why i cant take in information because when being spoken to or reading my mind gets triggereed off and spins off into a maze of thought while my ears or eyes anre still pretending to take in information. Ive even had one to one convosations where half way through the person explaining something to me (about 10 mins in) i had to stop them and get them tostart again because after their second word someone had moved the door to the room and id stoped paying attention and not even noticed.

    Now this isnt me going "look i have a problem" ..... its more me gioing "what is this which is making my mind work this way" and "how can i shut my head off and just exist happy??"

    you might think this isnt much of a problem but its caused issues with silly things for me like sex where i just cant focus my mind and end up driving myself to an anxious mess during sex, which makes intimacy hard for me. I used to put it down to problems from my past but im begining to see that its the fact that my mind refuses to just feel and not constantly think.

    Its not even intelectual thinking... its talking to myself, even as i write this im talking to myself in my head and it drives me insane!

    getting despared because when i did the dislexia test i kept thinking "they are doing this wrong... they arent testing the right bits, i KNOW ican read" and they said i obviouslty had a hight intelegence tc etc.
    I dont know a lot about dislexia but from what i do know i dont think what i have is it.. or not completely it.. i have elements of it.

    My brother has ADHD and i only know the external of whats thats like but im thinking i might have a mild version of that because of my attention span thing... i dunno..

    might not be anything... might jsut be havign a buisy brain.... but what ever it is it gives me head aches and is making my degree seriosuly hard work.

    Anybody got any ideas??

    please no piss takers... i know a lot of jokes can comeout of this but im actually being serious here and its pushing me a lot at the moment. My moods swing from anxiety and paranoia to imence joyous happyness at the flick of a switch due to my thought pattern swapping and changing so quickly.

    Help :S

  • hi fleasy lady sounds like you are doing alot at the mo maybe it is too much for your brain i mean (not complainin woo head sock for me) you are makin things for this shop and for yourself and friends and you are paintin and doing a degree and planing for canada it seems alot for you to be workin over in your melon.

    If you have a form of dislexia it is really normal to have a form of ad/hd aswell i talked to the ppl at Dore about all this a few weeks ago for my sister and they said that they are all kind of the same thing and i guess it could be linked to your panic stuff. it is really worth getting touch with dore at…ce=Brand:Dore:S:1&kw=dore they are good ppl and they think they can cure Dyslexia so i hope they help ya.

    hope it all gets beta for you chick pm me if you ever want to chat :D

  • your right rohan i am doing a lot, but i need to do a lot else i get ther anxiety :p its the doing a lot which helps me, i cant just do one thing at a time. Even when i watch films im chrocheting or carving or painting at the same times (im even known to do it in lectures *blush* .... at college i didnt doodle in my classes i did full on art pieces but my teachers said they didny mind because the art was good haha)

    i will have a look into those people :) thank you :)

  • But ya inbox is full.Ya popular:p
    ADHD... for me means
    brain n body fidgeting at all times.Erratic sleep,real bad memory,procrastination,social isolation,bouts of deppression,innability to be on time for anything n regular fuzzy brain.

    The up side of this is my incredible amounts of everlasting energy, my crazy,colourful caracter n ability to speak up,my light bulb(flash)crazy ideas,motivation,determination,passion for living life to the full,endless amounts of love to give,my ability to spot,understand n always be willing to find time to help others when/if they need it.
    My artistic/creative flare "visions" n designs n the "drive/energy to make them happen.
    n then of course there's hypers....i love em..but only cos i've learnt to regognise em n go with them when they come.

    I complety understand your need to be constantly multitasking...
    A good description used on here the other day was "my brain feels like a washing machine,going round n round.Mine does,too.

    atm i am....building a welsh dresser(my design ect),decorating my hall,demolishing a downstairs toilet,packing for my hols,writing a letter,eating toast,lookin on ebay and typein to you!!!!!

    My brain feels like spaghetti junction this mornin,flittin from one thing to the next without even realising i've changed tasks:rolleyes:
    Thres tools n timber everywhere n i'm going on holiday tommoro!!!!

    Your post is like something extracted from one a my books..

    I really would suggest you research ADULT ADHD..
    Ppl used to believe tha ADHD only affected kids,more often than not ,boys.
    At 18 the magic defuzz fairy is spossed to come along n rid us of the wriggly feet n fuzzy did not/does not happen.

    Theres alot of info out there...i suggest you do a google search.

    Few things for you to consider...
    I'm not being nosey honest:rolleyes:
    There is a legitimate reason for these questions.

    Do you /have had emotional or relaitionship problems?

    Have you ever taken speed?
    if so..what effect does it have on You?

    are you...i bet you are....creative/artistic or musical?

    have you had a recent IQ test,perhaps when you were tested for Dyslexia?

    Sleep...Is yours eratic?
    Just rewriting that to make sure i wrote erratic n not errotic....bloody dyslexia,:whistle:

    Think about these questions then go search the net,google search for ADULT ADHD.
    You'll see the connection to the questions then.ok

    there is also a thred on here,ocd,aspergers,adhd ect.
    There might be some interesting/useful information there for you.

    But..long words now..i can give you a the technichal,medical explanation/reason for ADHD.
    Its all to do with innapropriate Dopemine levels n "wiring problems"with the neurotransmitters in the frontal lobe area of the brain.Hence problems with memory ect.

    Just like fluctuating Serotonin levels affect mood/depression ect.Fluctuating Dopemine levels can cause occurances/experiences similar to those you have discribed in ya post.

    Good luck on ya research mission n if you wanna PM about this anytime,feel free.

    Theres two of us ADDERS in this house.
    Me and my 13 yr old lad.

    few more ideas n things i just thought about for you to contemplate...
    What are your reactions/experiences/thoughts on.....
    Authority n justice
    social interaction
    Education you have an issue with being on time?
    n finally...deadlines,is it easier/more likly for you to complete somthing if your given a deadline?
    Do you have lots a unfinished projects?

    There ya go hun,thinkin bout that little lot should keep ya brain stimulated for 5 mins or so,innit.

    Take it easy

  • thanks cammertess thats great :) i wasnt sure before but i guess a mild form of ADHD could be what it is. I was sceptical because my brothers ADHD meant he used to beat me up, break things punch thing fight and generally be very distructive... thats not me im the opposite im VERY creative.

    As far as thre questions go, im a very emotional person but im not having any real relationship problems at the moment (just the gereral missing of someone whos not here haha but thats new where as my etch a sketch head isnt)

    never taken speed or any chemical drug before. (though i have done shrooms and weed - but not in imence quantities really... though ive smokesd more recently than i used to)

    very creative and artistic (if i do say so myself :p)

    i dont think they did an IQ test se]pecifically i think it was included in different areas because she said i "obviously had veyr high intellegence" so im guessing some questions were designed to test this a bit.

    at the moment my sleep is very eratic but that changes sometimes i sleep very intencly but the one thing that doesnt really change is i ALWAYS have evry vivid and crazy dreams. like my mind doesnt stop even for sleep haha. Ive even woken up before shattered because my dream was so tiring :p

    what i think i will do is rather than read about ADHD i think i will go talk to my parents as theyve gone through it with my Bro already. That way i cant make up sympoms from what ive read... if you get what i mean... read something and go "oh yes that sounds liek me!!" hypocondriac style :p Yes i think i shall certainly chat to my step mummy :) thanks guys, your really helping me.

  • I don't really know anything about ADHD but i do know a bit about anxiety cos I suffer from it on and off. I can't just sit and watch the tv - I have to do something else as well. Really anxious and I can't settle to anything. BUT, cutting out all caffeine helped. Forcing myself to do meditation and visualisation stuff helped - I could only do a few seconds at first but now i can do it for 15-20 mins. When I'm writing an essay I usually have ukhippy and at least one game running in the background. When i get an idea I quickly get it down as bullet points, then leave it and go play. Then I sort the bullet points into some sort of sense grouping them into pages of similar stuff. Then, when I come to actually write it, all I'm doing is stringing the thoughts together to make sense and be in English not Alisonese if you know what I mean. It works for me, so it may help you. Maybe i need to check out th ADHD sites though, its never crossed my mind.

  • Quote from Fleassy

    thanks cammertess thats great :) i wasnt sure before but i guess a mild form of ADHD could be what it is. I was sceptical because my brothers ADHD meant he used to beat me up, break things punch thing fight and generally be very distructive... thats not me im the opposite im VERY creative.

    You are sooooo lucky to have knowledgable parents that you can go n talk to.N if ya bruv's diagnosed it shouldnt be to difficult for you to get "into the system" so to speak,to get tested should you feel thas nessacery in the future.

    I too am very creative:p .
    My boy however, is extremely destructive.
    Different folk,Different outlets.
    Are you musical??
    its often the case tha Adhd type ppl are extremely gifted,with Jake(my boy) its music.He excels..we all do at something.....

    Sleep....Either NO sleep or comatozed..nothing in between for me and Jake,hehe we're often to be found downstairs havin in depth debates over a cuppa tea at 5 in the mornin;) .

    Am on a hyper at the mo,didn't sleep last night and so was pacing the floors waiting for daylight hours to come so i could get my chopsaw going..:happydanc

    Am gonna post a new thread in a while,to show you all what i've been creating...I'm chuffed to bits with it:D

  • Sorry i forgot...but only for a mo..
    SPEED,the reason i asked if you've used this is would not give you the same effect if you have adhd,that it gives others..

    If it wasnt for the fact that my mate has just recently had a amphetamine induced stroke:(

    i would say to you....try it,you'd like the effect.:)

    just for the record....i am not a fan of speed,nor a user or abuser(i get mine on script:reddevil: ) n i'm not suggesting you should become one but

    for ppl tha do have adhd the meds as you possibly already know are,Amphetamine based stimulants..
    STIMULANTS for someone who's hyper????

    Strange but true.
    The effect i would get if i took Speed would be...
    Well most noticable,externally is the fact tha i actually sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. this is the bit i like the best...My brain actually goes quiet for a while:D
    I can concentrate,focus,think clearly n all the irritating thought invaders and distractions stop..yea man.Peace n quiet in me head for once.
    Spaghetti junction turns into a lush green meadow.

    So had you ever taken speed,you would have had a better idea as to wether or not you may have adhd.see?

  • ahh ok you cleared the speed thing up for me. I forgot that Ritalin is basically speed. They had my bro (who i forgot to say is my STEP brother so i dunno if that would effect thwe whole getting into the system so much) on a really high dose of ritalin, three times a day AS WELL as prosac at one point. agh makes me angry cos i hate knowing peole just get dosed up for things. i dont even take paracetamol for my headaches unless im crippled and really need to do something.

    ...though your lush gree nthing sounds amazing... its rare i get that but i do get it occasionally, like the other night i just relaxed, i was still thinking but tmy thoughts were mushy ones and i had all my lights of and i was painting by candle light...mmmmm felt so chilled n nice.

    Im not musical in any way shape or form (though i can kind of didge i guess) my anxiety comes into play when ever i try anything musical and i feel terrible :p BUT i've been performing in theatre/stage/circus for many years (theatre since i was stupid young) and i make clothes, and crochet, and paint, and make jewelry, and sew, and build and craft all sorts etc etc. Basically if its creative i will give it a go :)

  • aunty al mentioned meditation and i think that could really help you chill out and stop all the thoughts for a while. apart from that i don't know but sending you lots of love xx :)

  • Your post has actually helped me, as its described how I feel.

    Im waiting to see a shrink to get a personality disorder diagnosed.

    I have never been able to hold down jobs, and I tried for 20yrs before signed off sick.

    I was punished by my family and teachers for the annoyance and frustration I caused them.
    I was also a target for bullies, but in fairness, it must have been frustrating for people, hence the anger and hatred I got for years.

    I grew up believing I was an annoying cow and a bitch, but it only occured to me about a personality disorder, when I moved house and my symptoms got loads worse.
    Prior to this, I didnt even know that the things which annoyed others were actualy symptoms of some disorder.
    I got so hung up on the fact that I seemed to anger others and alienate them, that i didnt stop to think, do I have an issue which needs help and support, instead of punishment.

    The ignorance of others, jumping to conclusions that I was being annoying, was what prevented me from looking at myself as needing help rather than someone who others avoid.

    ADHD sufferers are prescribed amphetamine tablets, which I dont agree with personally as a medication.

    I am considering the posssiblity that adhd and other disorders like ours, are a result of poor parenting - no blame to our folks, they followed the accepted norms of society, so werent intentionally wronging us, but these norms were often bigoted and narrow minded and encouraged the public to look on anyone with any disorder as a freak.

    Sorry ive no concrete advice for you as I am myself, looking for ways I can help myself, with a similar but different issue.
    My disorder was much much worse when I was younger and in my twenties, it appears to be looking up now, but maybe thats just because I am more aware.


  • p.s. Ive had amphetamine in the past, and noticed that instead of the expected whizzing around, I was more focused and chilled out on it, felt (fakely) more grounded.
    However, the aftereffects of the speed did make me more scatty and lazy and depressed.

    Speed is a fake drug to me, ok so long as youre prepared to pay back more than what it gives you.

    Herbal speed to me could be as bad as amphet, (prescription or non prescription)

    These are just my personal opinions, Im currently looking into supplements which really do work for focusing attention, feeling comfier in own space, and generally living loving and learning, like what we are meant to do.

  • just so you know that poor parenting has nothing to do with my "condition" or my brothers. its a mental thing thats triggered off from the way the chemicals are released in the brain if im correct. nothing to do with your upbringing (except parhaps excessive amounths of crap food, i only say this because the guy who did super size me came out of it with five of americas biggest dissorders, one of which is ADHD)

    My parents are wonderful, and dont subscribe to the norm and my step mum who brought oli up, yes the family had troubles but he's the third son and the other two are (ok a bit odd but essentially) fine.

    persoanlly i dont see where you coming from on that one but im sure you have your reasons :)

    I think my problems are getting worse rrather then batter as at school iwas a high grade student and although i had problems concentrating i still was an a/a* student. now i doubt id be getting straight C's.

  • I agree with Fleassy on this.
    Alot of adhd type ppl that i know are from perfectly good backgrounds,with wonderful homes n families.I think the media just likes to hype things up n along with the majority of this worlds judgemental ppl if they can blame the parents,they will.

    I have to point something out.
    CT scans. it has recently been discovered that the ADHD brain actually looks different to a "normal"(whatever that is)brain.
    How can it be that a "genetic neuropshychological disorder" n one that you are born with could be caused by bad parenting....??
    If your going to have adhd,you are born with it.You can't catch it or create are born with it,therefore wether your parents are gd ppl or will still have adhd...unfortunatly.
    Bad parenting can't cause adhd but stressful homelife n family problems can severly affect symptoms.
    Also food plays a big part in adhd.n i guess these "bad paents" maybe wouldnt do all they could regarding a special..additive n colours free diet.
    "here are kid have a bright green chew"
    OMG ......NO!!
    Skittles do to me what i think speed does to other

  • D'you think it might be in any way diet-related? You might try no meat, no processed grub of any kind and no smoking weed and see what that does for ya?

  • Well Milo i dont really smoke weed very often (havnt for over a week now i think) I dont eat meat anyway, and i dont generally eat processed food either any more.

    HOWEVER at the age of 15 i was eating Mc Donalds EVERY DAY! (i was actually addicted) which worrys me a bit concerning my health. I havnt eaten Mc Donalds in 3 years but still... :s I know my broher had to watch twhat he ate when we discovered what his problem was. I 've still not had a chance to speak to my parents, will try calling this weekend at some point.

  • i suffer from anxiety and panic hence the agorophobia
    and i cant say its poor parenting
    my mum died when i was 10 my brother when i was 8 he was 5
    my dad over compensated ,he was the best dad anyone could possibly want and my best friend in the whole world
    apparently so the doc says ,my probs are reactive
    to things that have happened in my life
    but this panic is terrifying when it strikes
    milo i do think diet can help greatly
    but anything else im as in the dark as the next person
    huggies fleassy

  • Firstly I'd like to make clear that I'm not suggesting that you're not ADHD Fleassy, or that I'm dismissing anything that's been said in this thread. All I want to say is this....

    A lot of what you mention is fairly 'normal' for everyone in less extreme doses. Most people have constant thoughts, most people have problems concentrating on various things, whether it's reading, watching a documentry, listening to someone talking about personal stuff, listening to teachers, etc. Different things hold our attention, and we can often be distracted when we're not fully into one thing. Some people forget historical facts, some people forget names of people they've just met.

    In our current sociey, people work hard and play hard leaving less time for peace and relaxation. We're surrounded by stimulants, be them food or street lights, we're in a busy world and it's hard to shut off from that. Why do you think meditation has become so popular?

    Also, what you describe about sex is very normal too and more common in women. You could try talking during sex as this connects you immediately to the person you're shagging and keeps you in the moment but also it allows your body to relax more and therefore can heighten the pleasure that you're (hopefully!) feeling. This can also change as you get older and learn to relax your body more and learn to love sex! Also, if you have a busy mind, use fantasy, again, it's something a lot of women do - something to do with the way the mind works, can't remember now! But yeah, fantasize in your mind to keep it occupied!

    So the point I'm trying to make is that although you may have a 'condition' other people go through similar stuff. It's like someone else said here or in another thread, we all have varying states of mental health so who really can measure what's normal? Especially if people don't talk about their little habits!

  • thanksd sam, yes i understand. im only curious because i think if i understood how my head works a bit more clearly then i would be able to work around it :) thanks for your advice, the biggest worry for me is that it semed to have got a lot worse in a very short space of time.

  • Quote from Fleassy

    thanksd sam, yes i understand. im only curious because i think if i understood how my head works a bit more clearly then i would be able to work around it :) thanks for your advice, the biggest worry for me is that it semed to have got a lot worse in a very short space of time.

    This is exactly why i needed to know.
    N now i do know,i understand me,my thoughts,reactions,emotions ect a whole lot better.

    Have just returned from Butlins(i was dreading it- hyperactivity from all angles-and it was my first "single parent holiday")but am pleased to meds,no problems n no panic attacks or major stresses.

    But i'm certain this is because i now know my limits n triggers n therefore what to avoid.
    Jakey coped well too.

    a couple of years ago we went to the same resort n i spent most of my time "hiding" in the chalet because the level of activity all around me was just toooo distracting.I vowed then never to go back as i hated the experience.
    These last few days were a challenge that i'd set myself(because the kids really love it there)......and i did it!!
    Beat the fear of Butlins:harhar:
    I've had a thoroughly good time and really enjoyed having all my kids (and my unborn grangchild)-together n laughing.

    Mental Health problem or just plain anti social a few years ago,i'm not sure.
    But beat it i have n only because i now understand how my brain works n reacts to different situations/stimuli.
    Without drugs legal or otherwise..the only substance i consumed was 2 glasses of wine which made me dance like n idiot for 3 hours:happydanc
    I love Ska music.

  • Maybe "Bad parenting" was a clumsy choice of words.
    To be a parent is hard, and the vast majority of parents are well intended towards their offspring.
    I am no parent but I would hazard a guess, that there is some instinct, not ego driven, but deeper, for parents to automatically protect their young.
    Even the more punitive parents probably mean well, they are just going with societys norms, for example, corporal punishment was still legal and socially acceptable when I was a nipper. This fact makes it easier for me to have a bit more compassion for my folks, whos authoritarian outlook was perhaps not the most helpful to my personal development.

    Each individual has his/her own story though, in no way do I believe that our parents are to blame for any challenges we face socially in life.

  • I have a 50% deficite in the areas that dyslexia affects me, I've also spent a lot of time with adult dyslexics of all levels.

    There are several things I'd like to say to you. Firstly try to find out all you can about what you have difficulities with, then try different ways of getting around those weak areas. Don't give up looking for new ways of working on the weak areas. Everyone has to grow around their weaker areas by learning & trying.

    You would probally benifit from getting re tested for of the usual suspects dyslexia & ADHD etc. I went from being a borderline dyslexic to haveing the 50% loss over a space of about 15 years.

    Drop me a line if you want to chat.
    Good Luck & dont stop trying