Posts by Sarah

    I recently did some research on my family tree and have gone back 7 generations on my mum's side. I drew the whole tree out and its sprawled over my kitchen wall on large pieces of paper. I love looking back at my grandmothers names - gives me great strength to think of them all stretching back in time like that - especially now i know their names :) One of my grandmothers several generations back kept a massive family together - her own children and quite probably her grandchildren who she took on as her own... according to the census reports she had something like 18 children over the space of 50 years but clearly they couldn't have all been her babies...
    I'd love to do the dna test when funds allow as we have this massive question mark over my dad's side of the family and i cannot find out anything about them at all!! Waiting for the 1921 census to be released and then i should be able to nail down my paternal grandfather's whereabouts as he was 1 when that was taken. Trying to find the right "holmes" in that part of london (kilburn) at that time is like trying to find a bleedin needle in a haystack. I've got a folder of certificates that my Dad sent me recently which is a lot of research he carried out and includes loads of census reports aswell as birth. marriage and death certificates for grand parents and also great grandparents.
    In all the research i have done i still haven't managed to pin my family coming from anywhere at all... right back into the 1700's now and they still aren't clearly from somewhere particular... THe lot of them just seem to move backwards and forwards across the country, and up and down it too.. clearly following the work... and out of all those people only one grandfather seemed to end up in the work house.... made me feel really really proud of my hard working family and would seem that the tendency to not stay in one place for too long is really bloody strong in my genes... at the moment I'm in Dorset and possibly Norfolk in the 1700's but who knows if that is where they are actually from or if they moved from somewhere else ... all starts getting a little tricky without the actual documents on the online searches although they are a glorious way to while away the cold winter days if you fancy yourself as a detective... it's fun to use your intuition and feel into the connections "is that my grandfather?" and then go looking for that person and crossreferencing and checking backwards and fowards... real buzz when you can say "wow yes that is my grandfather!" I nearly cried when i worked out what my great great great grandmother had done for her family to keep the babies, born out of wedlock i guess, in the bosom of the family... my great great grandmother was the eldest of the tribe :) 
    Yeah i can't wait to find out more though about the side of the family that is the whole reason for me doing the research... only got a few more years until that census comes out and then hopefully should be an epic voyage of discovery and answer a myriad of questions :D

    Hey guys :) have asked the moderators to move this thread over to the Altered States forum so can I please ask that we hold off any replies to this thread until it is in the correct part of the forum which is age restricted :) 
    Many Thanks
    Sarah xxx
    (editor for altered states forum)

    Dealt with a lake of piss (spannerdog will be 13 in august, bless the old codger he is struggling a bit with incontinence now and increasingly seems to pass urine before he's properly awake in the mornings - not sure he'll make it through another winter as his back legs went a couple of times through this winter but luckily i was about to do reiki and he got up -but a cold winter... man... just makin the most of every day we can with him and he's a total soppy spanner dog puppy at heart and am sure lays a lot of it on with a trowel like old men the world over hey :) love my boy beyond words gonna be a fucking sad day when he transitions... still... not there yet :) )

    Took delivery of my 3 year old matey for the day and got on with some jobs round the house including bottling up my home-made disinfectant (stewed up last year's crop of dried rosemary, what was left of the dried lemon balm and a whole bottle of tea trea oil...boilt it all up then left it cooling outside over night and then mixed it with a bottle of food grade propylene glycol - hoping i've made a kick ass highly concentrated disenfectant all purpose cleaner jobby to deal with aforementioned lakes of piss :)

    Went up the tree house to do a bit of management whilst little man was sparked out and snoring under a tree :) 
    Scoffed an entire tub of quacamole with lentil chips for lunch then took the wee man to our local Falconry where we met:
    A buzzard, A Kestrel, 2 Harris Hawks and a 13 day old harris hawk chick who is being looked after by 4 silkie bantam chicks - cuteness overload!! We also met 2 eagle owls, a very grumpy barn owl, 2 different teeny tiny owls and the most beautiful tawny Eagle. Almost all the birds at the falconry have been bred in captivity and been abandoned by their owners. The Falconry works closely with raptor rescue and try to rehome whereever possible with well trained and loving foster homes. Was amazing to see such magestic birds up so close and had quite a long chat with an eagle owl and the buzzard :D

    Picked up Cushla after gymnastics club and then her and henry and my little mate played out on the green til his Dad came to collect him :)

    Been a good day all in all...

    Then Lee came back from his mate's house and wanted to have a putting the worlds to rights conversation about Poly Ticks in the kitchen which kinda bummed me out a bit cos I'm processing it all and haven't gotten to a point where i can verbalise how i am feeling about this whole insane situation we find ourselves in right now...

    Still been a good day though :) nature is in full flow here in south somerset, that gorgeous green glow is everywhere and the sun has shone all day - I found myself feeling really really sorry for our local conservative MP who underneath all the politics is actually a bit of a Tim Nice but Dim, you know? I cannot help but feel just really sorry for all them eton-educated little boys who, deprived of their mother's bosom and the love of their fathers, from birth, subjected to paeodophillia in the name of "all boys schools japes" and chronically deprived of healthy normality, they cannot help being FUBAR... just... how to fucking deal with it?

    Having a lovely couple of days over this mega long weekend of the chocolate-tastic variety. Yesterday we went up to the local woods near Alfred's Tower, bluebells are starting to come out but pissed us off how many empty beer cans there were tossed about. we even found a fire that hadn't been put out properly ffs... so a quick round up of beer cans found an unopened can of stella which dowsed most of the embers but then the other half took a jimmy and sorted out the rest... couldn't believe it though - the inconsiderate assholes had built this fire under a really ancient beech tree, the floor was thick with dry leaves and beech nut shells...unreal.. we delivered a sack of empties to the national trust chap in the bottom of the tower :hippy:
    Today we set the sat nav to go to Burnham via the shortest route and my lovely and silent onboard computer found roads i have never been on before and took us a beautiful road to the sea :) blowing a gale down there off the sea so we took refuge in the chazza shops (immensely cheaper on the coast than inland - got a beautiful new sundress for £2 and 99p nagchampa FTW!) Then we found a chippy and ate with our backs to the stiff sea breeze, fucked about on the beach for a bit n then headed inland to the Secret World Wildlife rescue centre who are having their silver anniversary this weekend :) we saw some badgers asleep, gave pennies to a good cause and the kids come away happy with prizes they'd won.. we also saw a couple of owls, a snake, a tortoise and a field mouse.. oh and a peacock :D Picked up some medicinals on the way home and looking forward to a family friendly dub, soul and funk club tomorrow arvo :)

    I know a few people who do this with mdma about once or twice a year - they take it in almost homeopathic proportions and use it to debrief traumatic events... am thinking about breaking my ten year abstinence and joining them some time soon cos feel am ready to debrief some stuff fully now and know i will be in a well-held space in order to do so.
    I also microdose on my spliffs these days - not enough to get stoned - just enough to take the edge off and help me rise above my chronic pain so am not drowning in it, still in pain just able to ignore it and get on with shit x

    How does this sound as a possible truth with this discussion:

    For many of us, our experience and our belief is that it is impossible to reach the states of awareness that we perceive we have witnessed and experienced without having taken a psychoactive substance. For many of us, our experience and our belief is that we are able to reach states of awareness that we have witnessed and experienced using meditation, yoga and other energy-based or chi-based systems of access? Would it then be fair to suggest that we are both correct... because at the end of the day, we are all individuals and we are all unique, we all have our own stories. I know that it is my personal truth that I was simply drowning in trauma and had been for my entire life...My use of psychoactives, in hindsight, has all been self-medicating, and without using those medicines at those times I wouldn't be where i am now... those medicines have enabled me to look inside and bring out my own inbuilt tools, those mediines enhanced my early years of learning with Reiki...I think i'd have not bothered if it weren't for being dosed up so much and friends asking for some reiki whilst we are all on mdma...mdma helped me drop my barriers down enough to let my true self out... I think some of us need medicine like psychoactives to help us heal shit before we can find it in us to look inside and find our true selves... i don't view it as a necessity for EVERYONE - but some of us really benefit from it...

    Yes I get that, the altered reality delusional?All a figment of your imagination?When I meditate,I focus on my breathing,sometimes get distracted by thoughts...return my focus on my breathing.My breathing is real,its not something "out there"!
    I'm interested to know,for those who have taken trips,when you come out of it,what have you actually got?Clarity?Peace?What are these doors of perception?So you take a trip,and lets say you see giant butterflies in front of you fluttering away.Do the butterflies symbolise something to you?

    For me, taking psychoactives made me realise the power of my mind and what a powerful tool my imagination was ... the tibetan book of the dead talks about the bardo's of experience that the mind goes through after physical death of the body..

    In life the mind activities are mostly taken up with thinking about the day to day - for those who meditate and work with the breath they will be used to being able to allow the mind to come into a fuller sense of awareness....

    Psychoactives work in different ways:
    So mdma will bring the mind into a fuller sense of awareness whilst chemically raising oxytocin levels, dopamine and endorphin levels and somehow magically the adrenalin which also rises makes you want to dance it off... love mdma...perfect drug imho and hugely therapeutic.It allows people to discuss traumatic events without emotion so massively important in terms of therapeutic applications for people suffering ptsd for example...I can';t tell you the spiritually seismic shifts i've personally made under it's influence but it's huge and i just don't know i'd have ever made it alive this far without my using it when i did...

    LSD based on ergot as discussed.. induces hallucinations... so pretty...when combined with breathwork out in nature gives up the most incredible insights into sacred geometry and the spiritual essence of religious symbology... that's just my experience :) Ergotmetrine is still carried by midwives the world over who will use it when syntometrine (synthetic oxytocin) has been administered but hasn't managed to contract the uterus enough to get the placenta to detach. Ergometrine was what they always used before synto came into use... it causes powerful uterine contractions.

    Psylocybins - magic mushrooms - depends on the strain and the doseage... last shroom trip i took all that came through for me was, with hindsight, some huge massive warnings coming in from the great unknown... i was shown my future and it was fucking horrible because i had the most awful night of it - but you know what.. when the future i'd seen actually happened...everything clicked into place for me right there... massive lesson that i should always always trust my intuition!! Research shows that psylocybins are a powerful medicine for the mind and huge therapeutic value for people suffering from depression amongst other things.

    Coming back to the Mind... psycho actives work on the mind, an entity that science hasn't got a bleedin clue about really... alot of it can be explained by chemistry and biology but i am not that clever beyond a little knowledge of hormonal interactions... there is this whole issue of DMT - the so called SPIRIT molecule... it is known that at the point of death, the brain floods with massive amounts of DMT - now people actively seek this out as a spiritual entheogenic experience by dosing on things such as Ayhuasca, Peyote etc... People also take Ketamine to achieve a state known as a K hole which is the only synthetic way to achieve a near death experience... and that is a whole other rant you can find buried in these forums on my thoughts regarding Ketamine and people actively seeking out a near death experience without fucking understanding the trip they are really on with it all.... i've had a natural near death experience and that one out trumps all other experiences naturally induced, chemically, herbally or fungally induced - not to be taken lightly, not to be fucked around with and not to be treated without the upmost respect and consciousness surrounding it.

    I think a lot of people like to take substances just to have a feel good time...but there is also a whole body of people who are very careful to talk about their dosing as "entheogenic" i.e to deliberatley seek out a spiritually meaningful experience... so yes I guess that if entheogenic users saw butterflies they would appreciate the symbology of that although it might not occur to them at the time that they should treat it as such... you are very much in the NOW and have very much LET GO when you undertake any kind of psychoactive entheogenic experience :)

    Personally I do not think that I ever considered spirituality or messages when tripping , for me the term 'recreational' was very apt , I dropped a tab and waited to be amazed by visuals etc , never taken as a shamonic aid or similar but purely for fun , especially a few dozen shrooms before attempting a couple of pints in the bar for giggles, acid was more of a night in with mates though I have been known to drop the odd tab at festivals .
    Quite often after LSD there was (for me) a feeling of being filthy/dirty , overall its a very hard thing to explain in its entirety purely because each and everyone of us is different, environments play a big part and recounted memories can be incomplete and dreamlike so very difficult to convey.

    It is only after ten years in abstinence now that i can look back on the experiences and unpick them for any lessons available...insights have come in when a certain tune has kicked me back into a non-chemically induced memory rush (i fuckin love that about mdma memories) sometimes i've been able to drift off into the memories that come in and then observe them from a place of detachment and acceptance.
    LSD - only did it a few times but loved it - left a metalic taste in the brain ?!

    Hi :waves: Sarah a very interesting point of view and I hope you will help me out here with a few things that are not clear to me?

    Would you please explain what you meant with your phrase - We all self-medicate in some form or another?

    Meaning that we all undertake certain behaviours that elicit a good feeling inside us... we are naturally able to raise our own levels of endorphins and dopamines by going for a walk, going running, climbing a mountain, swimming in cold water, meditating, practicing martial arts, feeling the sun on our skin, breastfeeding a baby, hugging, kissing, making love, having a massage, sitting in warm water, having a cup of tea/coffee/hot chocolate, binge watching favourite series on playback, having a drink, smoking a spliff, etc etc etc... obviously it's all a spectrum of medicating which is on the most part really fuckin healthy but like all spectrums has the potential to dip into far reaching places... There is interesting research being done at the moment that is trying to get the government to realise that GP's could do lots of healing work and at the same time save the NHS a lot of money by being able to "prescribe" and therefore "medicate" their patients with empowering activities such as yoga, tai chi, pottery classes, gardening, walking groups etc. I think that is what i meant by "we are all self-medicating in one for or another"


    You also seem to suggest that we all have barriers that are large enough to need removing or did I not understand you properly?

    I was generalising. I think that people living simpler existances closer to nature than we do in our society, probably have hardly any barriers at all... we in the supposed "developed" world however, have a metric fuck tonne of barriers between ourselves and nature and our true balanced state within nature.


    Seems that your "people completely blissed-out" sentence might be at odds with what you say in your last paragraph because you appear to be suggesting that the end point for self-discovery will be different for drugs versus no drugs? I thought the idea is to have different ways to get to the same end point for self-discovery?

    No the point I was trying to make is that I don't know :) I was offering up a few examples where i have seen people in a similar state to one another, one group clearly dosed to the hilt and the others dosed up on their own natural dopamine/endorphin/oxytocin levels - actually that is not strictly true because the night before the euphoric trance dancing in the late afternoon, some really really deep earth magic went on.. a sister channels sounds right from the centre of the earth and some really deep work was done through soulful song ... proper proper earth magic :) the energetic shift was quite simply beautiful ... Rachael Rose - gorgeous Bristolian wise woman - if ever she asks to join a fire you sit at - welcome her - you won't be sorry :)


    Sorry for being dumb here but I'm one of those folk who have never felt the need for enhancers and I'm trying to get my head round both points of view.

    Not at all :) was glad to answer your questions and hope I have done so in order to help your understanding of my words :)

    Interesting debate :)

    I been struggling to think of an authentic answer... it's all relative...

    At a time in my life when i did lsd, psylocybin, fly agaric, mdma, salvia on a regular basis, I was in a certain head space and I had some intense experiences that certainly opened my head up in a way that was unique and i wouldn't change for all the tea in china...
    At this time in my life my head is in a much higher place.. i was self medicating with the doses of the things i took back then... i needed those experiences because they led me all to here .... I am in a much richer and deeper place these days (self medicating down to cannabis) I can trip out on a spliff with the right tunes chosen from my intuition... I can fly out of my body at whim during deep reiki meditations, I can visualise the most beautiful imaginations from deep within my heart that i can wrap around the planet, I can suck in the energy of the cosmos and the earth beneath my feet in a single breath, I can "be" at one with all and everything in full conscious presence...

    They are different things... but I don't know if I would have gotten here without the dosing, I just don't know because that is not my story... Dosing up gave me SOOOO much healing in so many different ways...

    We all self-medicate in some form or another and I don't think it's right to say that if someone never dosed then they aren't a "hippy" because I've seen people completely blissed-out, full on tranced out in a state of pure-love like i've seen them at parties and festivals... but these people weren't on anything substance wise... they were in a state of deep connectedness with the earth and with our true joyous nature, instinctive and intuitive moving without fear of being judged...

    I guess what I am trying to say is that dosing up helps remove the barriers that prevent us from baring witness to our true amazing selves... and there are other ways to remove those barriers which are equally as valid but the experiences that come from those different avenues will be different :) no more no less than one another... but different none the less

    I did a speedy spring clean this morning too but it weren't fuelled by speed.. 'twas fuelled by the fact that my youngest two children decided to be noisy little shits on the first day of the easter holidays and i was woken up by screeching and squabbling at 8 o clock this morning... cue an entire morning of scrubbing the shit out of everything and kicking the kids out side to play in the sunshine... no come down here but i am in a marginally better mood :angel:

    They aren't saying anything because it's all propaganda... they are relying on fear tactics to make people flip into panic mode.. hence the outpouring of union jack overlays on profile pictures across social media... because let's face it, the country is in free fall, we ARE in World War 3 and therefore you can pretty much guarantee that all the main stream media channels will put out is what they have been told to put out by the gutless, spineless fuckweazles who have their strings pulled by the global corporate elite.... Remember when that bloke went nuts up Hungerford high street and killed a load of people?? Not one WORD of it being a terrorist attack back then... and the IRA were prolific back then so could easily have called him a terrorist.. but no... he was seen for what he was, a nutter who flipped out... but one brown skinned guy goes radio bleedin rental outside the houses of parliament, the police call it a "supsected terror attack" due to the geographical location because that is what their protocol stipulates and all of a sudden there are people in prison being blamed, there are arrests conveniently being made in Birmingham, there is no room for any other news today (like the 30 syrian children who were killed by american bombs yesterday for instance) IT FUCKING STINKS!!!!!

    I think karma is just a part of nature, like the running waves, the flowing air, the silent stars and the quiet earth... karma is nature's way of helping us to evolve...
    If a seed only has rocky, salty ground on which to grow, it evolves to love such climates. If the seed doesn't evolve to cope with the saltiness, it dies...
    If a human only ever has a series of traumatic events, punctuated with moments of vague normality between, to refer to as a life, that human either evolves to find gratitude and acceptance for the traumatic times.. for the lessons they present... or it whithers and becomes the perpetual victim... karma is like our evolution map ;)

    My understanding of karma is that it is completely personal to each individual... we should only be interested in our own karma, what cycles keep coming up for if you find yourself keep making the same mistakes or the same shit stuff keeps happening then it's a pretty hefty clue that there is a lesson to learn, something new, a way to grow beyond how you've been.. a way to break the cycle... I have a friend who runs a shop in the village and recently they were broken in to and his father who also works in the shop was threatened at knife point... It was all over our village facebook group like a rash and I loved what my friend said .. he said it was their karma (as in his families karma) when everyone was baying for the blood of the lads who had done they didn't look at it that they had had something bad to them and therefore the people who perpetrated the crime were due some "bad karma" .. more that it was something had come up for them as a family on a deep spiritual level - it was their karma :heart:
    I couldn't give less of a flying fuck about the people that have wronged me over the years in terms of how their karma is.. that is their story not mine... what fascinates me as I deepen into life, is which cycles keep coming up and what I can do to break those patterns and strip another layer off the onion.

    Trying to get into the habit of doing that deep yogic three part breathing where you breathe into your abdomen first. I find it easy to do at night but am trying to break the habit of getting out of bed on the wrong side of the bed every morning so think i should try and do in the morning too - i'm not very ritualistic - infact i find the whole idea of rituals a bit weird until i think about them as if they are mandalas then they make perfect sense for focussing the mind x

    Today I am grateful for having the opportunity to join a very special singing group :heart: Companion Voices is the project of a beautiful lady who is based in watford but is slowly setting up companion voice groups so that we might learn a handful of, specially selected for their gorgeous harmonies, learn them so that they are as natural to us as breathing... so that we might, in small groups, use the tones and vibrations of the songs with full heart-centred presence, to assist the transitioning of those at end of life :heart:

    Today I am grateful for the cleaning job I had to do this morning... 4 hours spent in a treehouse doing a deep clean ready for it's launch as a luxury self-catering short-break let... I already work with the family who own the treehouse doing childcare, so get to hang out in their woods a lot and am going to be doing most of the change-over work for the treehouse aswell as handling some of the admin side of things. Exciting times :D

    It's a massive massive problem ... and of course as rural areas become increasingly gentrified by flocks of slightly better off people leaving london for cleaner air and cheaper housing, the people who were brought up in the rural areas, let down by massively de-stocked social housing situation, are going to move to deeper deprived areas of rurality where the prices are cheaper... we shall all end up squatting in dugouts on the pennines at this rate! be alright when the sea levels rise i guess....

    people round here are talking about the welsh valleys as being cheap places to live... a few years back it was Todmorden and Hebden Bridge... Somerset is lost to the DFLers now... Bristol house prices are sky rocketing, Bath too... Frome is on it's way to becoming unaffordable for most... and well... here? in the "Notting Hill of the West Country" .. there is absolutely no way we, as a family, could afford to rent anywhere locally AT ALL so just very grateful we in housing association property.

    Just seen this love, so sorry to hear your situation. Lovely to see the ukhippy family looking out for one another once again :heart: groove, keep us posted babe and if there is anything we can practically do to help in terms of sourcing household items, please holler - big loves xxxxxx

    I'm a Doula for Life

    I support people by meeting them where they are at in their lives with whatever they need support with. At the moment I've just come off call from supporting at a homebirth, I have regular earlyyears child-care clients and am the admin/secretarial support for a friend's business. Later in the year I'll be collaborating with the same friend on writing an end of life doula course. I'm hoping to take on a few clients that have adult care needs soon. I love the variety of my work :)